I have this tendancy to hit, push, and slap my boyfriend when i feel like he's disrespecting me. He doesnt let me talk, and I feel sometimes I have no voice in our relationship, so the only thing I have left to do is get physical. When I hit him, he will push me back, and yes i deserve it, but what about him? I dont want to do tha to him no more, but I want our communication to get better, what should I do?
2007-03-16 03:51:28 · 15 answers · asked by Still Standing 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
"...the only thing I have left to do is get physical."
I wonder how many physically abusive people make this same rationalization. Perhaps all of them, no?
Heads up: hitting has never improved communication in any relationship. Ever.
You need to:
end the relationship
get therapy
From therapy you should try to learn to control your anger, find better and nonphysical ways to communicate, and accept that if someone you're with won't communicate you can't force them to (and that that's your cue to get out, not to stay and hit).
Should your boyfriend also go into therapy? Yes. But that's his issue, and while you can suggest it to him you can't force him to.
2007-03-16 04:01:57 · answer #1 · answered by ljb 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would think of getting couples counseling. If neither of you want to go that route, then you need to sit down together and discuss these troubles. You personally need to make a ABSOLUTE decision not to hit, push, or slap again. An abusive woman is just as bad as an abusive man! He needs to learn to respect you but respect is not automatic, it is earned, and should be mutual. We teach by example, so try being the better person and rise above the heat of the conflict. Walk away if he won't let you speak, and when he's ready to hear you out he'll be quiet and listen. Most importantly GET IT UNDER CONTROL!! This isn't a healthy relationship, and will escalate if it continues to someone really getting hurt. That's what demostic violence is all about. It only takes loosing control totally.......one time. If you love him don't put your hands on him, it's wrong! Do your best to be the example of a loving and understanding companion, willing to listen to what he has to say, and he'll return the favor. I hope this helps, and that y'all can work it out through words not through fists.
2007-03-16 11:03:14 · answer #2 · answered by Green eyed girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Abuse of ANY kind is wrong...This is not a healthy relationship. Instead of physically pushing him have you tried saying exactly what you have said here?..."I don't feel like I can talk, I don't feel like I have any voice in our relationship and I feel like I am being disrespected. What can we do to change this?" If you notice I changed what you said so you aren't accusing or blaming him...it's how it make YOU feel. If this relationship is important to you both therapy would not be out of line...otherwise I can't see this going anywhere but down hill. (physically and verbally).
2007-03-16 10:58:50 · answer #3 · answered by mental 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This relationship isn't one. You need to talk to a therapist and what your are doing is called domestic violence. It shouldn't be tolerated by a woman nor a man. You need to learn how to control this and the best way to do that is through counseling. Sometimes there is more to it than what you think. Do this for yourself you deserve to be in a loving relationship, with respect for you and your partner. I hope this can help in some way. Best wishes.
2007-03-16 12:24:23 · answer #4 · answered by rencar32002 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a lot going on. It seems like you are stressed and pissed off.
Take a break from each other.( not break up) call and check up and have conversation with him over the phone. Be strong and dont get pissed.
Find out why he is doing/saying these things.
YOU ARE WRONG FOR HITTING ( tap tap on the hand) bad girl. You could be the one that is distroying your relationship.
Men like a partner they can talk to and say anything. If he knows you are a Temper Tan he'll just..hate you after a while.
Men like to talk too
2007-03-16 10:54:26 · answer #5 · answered by Princess AJ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
learnsome patiencts i use to be the same way where if you didnt slap the hell of of a man they wouldnt act right but now i got a good one and we talk about everything and im 3 years free of not beating up my man i have never put my hand on him the whole time we have been together dont mean i havent had my moments that i didnt wnat to go upside his head but we talk and what we had to do is remember we were friends befor this relationship so go back and start over and be friends
2007-03-16 10:59:21 · answer #6 · answered by mocha27girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this but you guys do not need to be together. It doesnt matter if he pushes or you do the pushing. It is not a good relationship for either of you too. You need to find help for your temper and he needs to find it for his also. Someone is going to get hurt if you keep going the way you are.
2007-03-16 10:54:56 · answer #7 · answered by lz_adam 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Abuse is never OK; verbal or physical. If you are not willing to get counseling, get out of this relationship.
2007-03-16 11:11:01 · answer #8 · answered by Tami C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow... Well both of you need therapy as this will just get worse. I really do not think that both of you are meant for one another so I would think long and hard about this
2007-03-16 10:59:32 · answer #9 · answered by Mike 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a relationship that will end up on Cops.
2007-03-16 10:55:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋