I'm tempted to leave or cheat!!?

Question

I married young at 20. I've been married for 3 years. We have 2 kids. is it too soon for the passion to be gone? We hardly ever have sex or just spend time together for that matter. He spends money like we're rich and has left us several times without any money at all, I'm talking dead broke. He had a drug problem that I think is finally gone.This other guy has recently started showing me a lot of attention and i'm very tempted. I've not been happy for a long time. When I try to leave he makes me feel guilty about the kids and leaving him with nowhere to go(he's not currently working).

Answer 1

If you & your husband cannot work things out then you should leave before you cheat. Don't allow him to feel guilty about you leaving because of the kids. Did he feel guilty about leaving you with no money????

Maybe you should talk to your husband about how you are feeling & try some counseling. Don't just leave the marraige after 3 years without trying to save it first. Do all you can first, then you can honestly say, "well, I tried & it did not work out." Your kids will appreciate you more (when they are old enough to understand), if you try everything you can.

Answer 2

Kick his a s s very hard and make him be the man of the house already.

Your husband a f u c k i n g looser right now. So you have two options:

If you want to give it one more chance (for your kid’s sake and maybe for the love you still feel for him if any), then go ahead. Talk to him (a serious adult conversation without fighting, you figure out how to do that with him) and put things straight and clear for him.

He must find a job right away, doing whatever he can do, from cleaning the floors in a restaurant to being a astronaut at NASA, don’t matter. He needs to get a job and don’t be picky about it. Once he has a job, he can keep looking for better opportunities. They are out there, you just need to look hard.

Then, the money. He is not allowed to manage the money by himself. You two must share an account, and put the money together. Do not let him take money out, he must consult you first, and you do the same. You two must set minimums for living, like food, bills, etc, and have a little for each as personal money (can be $20, $100, $1000… whatever is reasonable for what you guys make every month).

He must agree with all this, he has failed to be a man, and you are there trying to help him. Remind him of that and not to screw up because of the kids (just like he tells you).

If he can not deal with that, then you divorce and take the kids, because is over. And same with drugs. If you ever find out he is still doing it or has anything to do with it (money is no excuse) you leave him and is over. Either he changes, or he looses you.

The second option is obvious, you just go already and be over with it. This would be only if you really don’t love him at all, if that feeling has been erased, and if you know that it won’t come back. Do not stay just because of the kids. If he was a good man, maybe you should give it a try, but the way you described him, and if is true, he is good for nothing.

You must act now, not tomorrow, do not leave it for later just to see if things will get fixed by themselves… they don’t!

Is your life, and the future of your kids, do not put it to a waste. Make him chance, or leave.

Good luck.

PS. Do not under any circumstances cheat on him unless you divorce him first (so is no cheating). Don’t let yourself go lower than him, you are better than that.

Answer 3

You should NOT cheat. You took a vow girl and it means something. It sounds like the two of you could benefit very seriously from some martial counseling. If you feel you can't afford it find a therapist that does a sliding scale, which means you pay what you can afford.
Young marriages (people marrying when they are just still kids themselves) don't usually work out. You both still have to much growing to do.
He sounds selfish. Spending money, doing drugs and not working. He is to immature to be a husband or dad. If he won't go through therapy then you really should leave and don't feel guilty. He is a big boy and can find his own place to live and get a freakin job. You have two kids to take care of , you don't need another one.

Answer 4

The passion can leave at anytime if it is not cultivated. Three years is a bit quick in my opinion however. You have said quite a bit here and it seems like you two have been together through some difficult things. It is not uncommon for temptation to interfere with ones relationship. For shame on the man that is doing the interfering. He should feel guilty. Marriage takes work sweetie. If one or both of you is unwilling to do what it takes to make it work, it might be over. Why isnt he working? Why isnt he rowing the financial boat in the same direction as you? If you could only work out those two things it would make a huge difference. Then work on other things one at a time. Good luck

Answer 5

If you have only been married for three years, and you have two kids, of course the passion is gone! Passion doesn't just "stay" in a marriage. Both people have to work at it. You did get married young, but just because things are rough right now, doesn't mean you should give up. There are so many options out there. I could give you so much advice, but instead I'll leave the link for a web site. It really helps if both partners are willing. Just please, don't cheat. You don't want to be 30, 35, 40 and feeling guilt and wishing you never did it, cause believe me, you will.

Answer 6

You need to sit down and speak to your husband about your situation. Tell him that you don't feel that the two of you spend enough time together and that you don't feel he is interested in you anymore. Also, the two of you need to sit down and work out a budget so it doesn't leave ya'll without any money. Tell him what you need from him and give him a chance to change. If after a few weeks you do not see a change in him then consider separating. Don't let this other guy that is showing you attention come between you and your husband. Good Luck!!

Answer 7

You need to finish the relationship you're already in before you go on to another one. You're just going to add more problems to your life, especially if this other man is married too. If your husband is a drug addict and leaving you without money, then you need to remove yourself and your kids from his life until he gets professional help getting off the drugs and acting like a responsible husband and father. Your number one priority here is your children and I can assure you that having an affair with another man is NOT in their best interest or yours. I understand that you're craving attention and love that you obviously aren't getting from your husband, but you need to deal with your husband first. If you don't see the marriage going forward in a positive direction or you don't love your husband anymore, then leave him and get a divorce. You need some time for yourself and your kids before getting involved in another relationship. Whatever you do, DO NOT get involved with another man because you're just asking for even more trouble in your life. Good luck!

Answer 8

Trading up from where your at is folly. If you wish to salvage some of your respect, raise your level of intergrity, and your living standards, trusting another male is the last thing you should do. Get ready by investing in hard work, school work to be exact. Get tested by a local school. do what your good at. Prepare. Have nothing to do with males while your married. When you get close to graduation, your hubby will get jealous and do his damndest to break you. Have divorce ready, with peace bond. Get really ready, but after you graduate, with career, ex out of way, children safe, then you can go out and graze the light fantastic.

Answer 9

Well first he needs to get a job. If he doesn't then I would leave him. But I would leave him before getting involved with someone else. That way you can make sure that its over between you and your husband. No need in dragging some one else into this til its over. That will just end up getting a lot of people hurt. Been there and done it, I wish you luck in what ever you choose!

Answer 10

It doesn't sound like you've put alot of effort into making your marriage work. You two need counseling, don't look outside your marriage to fix a problem that's IN your marriage. You have children together and you should think about how this will effect them before you make a rash decision like leaving your husband. Look into therapy where you two can discuss the issues in your marriage and work on fixing them. Don't cheat!