alone in a quiet place
you sit and wait
you think
you are changing fate
its the only way
you have no choice
you don't want to talk
you have no voice
your hand get cold
as you hold the pen
and enscribe a note
you rewrite it over and aver again
you start to shake
you are scared
you wish you had
some one who cared
you wisper goodbye
but know ones around
you pull the trigger
and fall to the ground
2007-03-16 03:45:30 · 8 answers · asked by fzw_chick 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
That is very sad, but I would give it an 8.
There are a number of grammatical errors in it though.
Paragraph 3 - your hand get(s) cold
you rewrite it over and (o)ver again
Paragraph 4 - someone who cared
Paragraph 5 - you w(h)isper goodbye
but (no) one(')s around
Take care,
Troy
2007-03-16 04:32:32 · answer #1 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I actually liked it. I don't even like poems. My sister is the one who writes poems. I am a more hands on artsy person. Anyhow, that was a lovely poem and the trigger part was a surprise.
2007-03-16 11:27:34 · answer #2 · answered by Noneyabusiness 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the rythm was off in some places, but its still a 9.
2007-03-16 10:57:35 · answer #3 · answered by Canadian Bacon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
like an 8 untill that last part where u pull the trigger than it drops to a 0. I really hate suicide poems but if u took that part out and ended it differently i really like the rest.
I dunno suttin like (just for example)
'you whisper goodbye
but no ones around
you ge in your car
and drive out of town'
or maybe...
'you whisper goodnite
as you lay yourself down
tomorow will be different
someone will be around'
2007-03-16 10:53:13 · answer #4 · answered by Joe V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2/10
This is horrible. The metres are off, and it's boring, poorly penned and generic.
2007-03-16 11:28:52 · answer #5 · answered by MBE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
on a scale of one to ten.......hmmmmm - this sounds like a cry for help. Print it and give it to a friend or family member and ask them to rate it. Then ask them for help.
2007-03-16 10:56:57 · answer #6 · answered by ladybug 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
10! Very Good!
2007-03-16 10:53:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
10 in my estimation. You write good. :-)
2007-03-16 10:53:27 · answer #8 · answered by Nightrider 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋