i have vey low self esteem and i suffer with a chronic mental health condition since 15, im 29 now?

Question

i struggle to like me, and the way i look. ive suffered alot of hurt, rejection, bullying, victimization throughout my life. ive never made any friends or had a stable relashionship with a girl. does these circumstances mean i'll never have any friends or meet any girls? and people will only ever except me or take me on as a ' charity case'? because theyy feel sorry for me? because id rather not be accepted and have friends and a life if thats the case. does my life. what ive been through and sufered, my mental health, how i feel about myself make me tainted in other peoples eyes. and people will never accept me or treat me as normal? im ageing i have 2 missing teeth, at the bottom front. my youthfull looks are disappearing. i have a torn ankle ligament that im waiting to be looked at. i have a mallet finger on my left hand, where my little finger droops over. i feel like a falling apart zombie

i feel as though people only feel sorry for me, but are not actually interested in getting to no me or wanna be apart of my life....

Answer 1

By the sound of you, you let everyone wipe the floor with you, so instead of writing about it on here, DO something productive about it.

Answer 2

I feel for you. And I used to feel a lot like you do. Sounds like you are very low, and no matter what anyone says it is virtually impossible to get out of feeling like that without help from someone else; if you were ABLE to just "pull youself together" then you would be doing it. Nobody feels the way you do because they want to, although it can become a way of life and a habit.

It is possible to completely turn around the way you are feeling now, and therefore the way others feel about you, but there are no quick or easy fixes. An instant cure will disappear again just as quickly. Maybe you could try to concentrate all the energy you have on finding the help you need. In my experience, it is not easy and you have to be persistent in trying. Society - even doctors - do not understand mental illness and do not feel comfortable acknowledging it and trying to help you with it.

As far as your youthful looks disappearing, try not to be too concerned. Anyone who would judge you by something so superficial would not have sufficient appreciation of the person you are to stay long in your life anyway.

Answer 3

I'd say that you need to not focus so much on the negative.

People dislike negative people, they like positive ones. So find out what it will take to get you in a positive mentality and to stop dwelling on the negative, and then go for it. Therapy may help with this if you've never tried it.

As for making friends once you're feeling a little more up, do it through social networking, an easy way is to get a job where you deal with other people in the workplace a lot. Next options are to go into school, it's a great place to make friends. You can also use the vast power of the internet for social networking, either way meet people, there's friends out there for everyone.

Also, youth of body fades, beauty of soul does not. So let your inner self shine and don't worry about youth. Noone really likes it anyways as they're going through it. We all hope to be older, so why freak out now that you are becoming older?

Another thing, your physical problems can be an asset. My ex partner had one finger missing and another that had been reattached(he was in an accident). He learned that it wasn't a horrible disfigurement but instead something he could talk about and even something he can use as a joke(he can make it look like he's picking his nose reaaaaally deep heh). It's all in how you approach it.

Lastly, it sounds like you're ready to turn your life around, so get to it. Do what you need to to feel good about yourself, and everything else will fall into place.

Best of luck.

Answer 4

You are obviously articulate and think things through, perhaps too thoroughly. I don't know how you feel bout counseling, but it is certainly an option. I was a gangly, un-athletic kid with no real prospects in life. I have never been handsome, but eventually I learned something. Pretty people have problems that I can't handle! Most of their problems come from trying to get what they think they deserve, or just from chasing each other around. Every year older you get, pretty gets more expensive until only movie stars, royalty and millionaires can afford to maintain their youthful looks.

Look at people like Ernest Borgnine and Marty Feldman. No one would ever accuse them of being attractive, but they had and have very successful and fulfilling lives. When I learned to be grateful for having no possibility of ever falling into the "beauty trap" my life became ten times easier and less stressful. I can't begin to help you with your mental health issues, but removing the strain of trying to be "attractive" to everyone will obviously relieve some of that. Instead of worrying about how you look or how well you function, focus on how interesting or well rounded you can be.

Real friends value qualities like empathy, faithfulness, someone who is willing to give a gift with no strings attached, and receive one as well. The most interesting people do not show their qualities to just anyone, you have to invest time with them. I wish you well and hope this helps just a little. I know it isn't an answer, but it might be a first step. If you can't like yourself, at least acknowledge that you have to live with yourself and start on the path to making yourself the type of person that has the qualities that you treasure. That first step will eventually lead to good things, but you have to have enough faith to take it, and the courage not to step back when it gets a little rough.

Answer 5

First of all, get your teeth sorted. Looking good makes you feel good. If you feel good, then you feel happy. This will give you confidence and people would rather know a confident person than bother with a 'charity case'. Your limp and your finger are nothing, you shouldn't bother about those because people look and read what's on your face first before anything else. Teeth sorted, keep clean, walk with your head up and think of all the things you are good at that so you can get advice for jobs you want and don't let rejection get you down, it only means it wasn't meant to be.

Answer 6

i can understand that you feel hurt due to the past rejections and this has produced a fear in you that future things will continue to be hurtful which is only seemingly true. the reality is that the future 'can' turn out to be really nice 'if' you start to dump the past and Plan your future. There are n number of things i can suggest you like not worrying about your appearance or trying to wait for a deep connection and positivity in a relation instead of indulging in superficially and later regretting, and so forth but i would only say that you must have Faith in yourself and keep Practicing to feel good inside on your own. i know easier said than done but great endeavors demand great effort and great sacrifices. Remember the only thing you have and own really is 'now'. i know people who have begun life at 29 30 32 .. and starting afresh. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Yet you wont know who all are there like you for the simple reason that you havent gotten over your insecurities and negativity. Mpst of my tooth ache almost everyday...i dont mean to humiliate you here, not the least, all i mean is its never too late. and Oters should NOT be the standard for you. Its your life and You are the one whose gonna handle it. Practice deep breathing and consult a therapist please. I do it on my own though..wish u luck.

Answer 7

Oh dear.

Too be honest, nobody is going to pull you out of this hole. Only you can do that. You have been bullied because you have always had 'victim' written across your forehead. You have come to accept it. I'm not being harsh, I was also bullied all through school for various rubbish reasons, but I grew stronger from it. If you think you'll never meet any special friends, or have a girlfriend then you won't. Nobody wants to hang around with miserable self-haters, everyone is attracted to happy, carefree people - regardless of how they look. It's a cliche, but it really is personality that counts......obviously not 100% but it goes a long long way. Pull yourself together now, or you'll be whinging away at 90 years old. Fun, eh?

Answer 8

I would suggest you speak with someone experienced who can find the root cause of your low self esteem. Remember the people on Yahoo Answers may not be qualified to make a professional diagnosis, and finding the causes of your feelings are crucial to helping you find the right therapy program. If you can't afford a professional, then maybe some wise person you trust. Just someone you can talk about how you feel that can help you find the path out of your internal struggles. In the meantime, please keep the faith. It will get better if you work at it.

Answer 9

I think you're underestimating yourself and certainly you are underestimating a woman's capacity to love you. My boyfriend of one year is quite a bit older than I am. He has false teeth and a very bad back. He has severe PTSD and depression. He also suffers with diabetes and chronic infections. And you know what? I love him more than words can express, and there isn't anything that I wouldn't do for him. His frailties make him human and loveable. I know that he loves me and trusts me and believes in me. That's all I need from him. He is very deep and extremely intelligent, but he's had a hard life. I understand and I'm proud that I can be good for him. I accept everything about him and nothing about him puts me off. That's what love is - acceptance. None of us are perfect and I'd sure rather have this lovely soul in my life than some arrogant, self-important, good-looking man who cares more for himself than anything or anyone else. Because of who my love is and what he's been through, I know that he appreciates my love for him as much as I do his love for me.

You, too, will find unconditional love - as long as you are able to love unconditionally in return. There are many loving women out there if you are open to finding them. Not all women are shallow creatures looking for the "perfect" man with looks, money, sex-appeal, etc.. Do you really consider yourself a charity case? You must love yourself before you can love someone else. Start there and see what you attract.

Just one more thing, one of the lovliest men I ever knew was in a wheelchair and deformed. He had enormously good self-perception and wonderful self-esteem. He was well traveled and well read. He knew what he had to give was worth gold to some woman and would not settle for anything less than true love in return. He found her last year and they have been blissfully happy .

It's purely what you attract to yourself and if you believe that you are worth loving - you will be.

Answer 10

If you keep focusing on 'crap' then you'll feel like crap. It's the nature of life, - you are what you think.

Do a couple of things.
Find new people that you don't have a 'negative' past with.
Cultivate a new attitude with these new people.
Don't rely on a 'victim' mentality to get attention.
Don't mix these new friends with old 'friends'. The old ones will pollute your progress with the new ones.

Read self-impovement books to get you on the right track as far as thinking like a winner.

Winning and loosing is all in the head. This is the ultimate frontier for being a winner.

PS. nothing you wrote about yourself is in-surmountable, - deal with it / ignore it / improve it / hide it, - and move on like a man.

Answer 11

Have a normal conversation with the girl about anything and everything, directing away from yourself and when she does answer say the truth on how you feel. As a first step, go on some chat sites and talk about different topics - music, television - anything. Then, after building up your self esteem further, go out and meet some new people. (: