Don't tell me to leave him because he's more that worth it.The issues are a result of being physically abused as a child.
2007-03-16 03:17:18 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Love him without thinking of anything. On his meltdowns be there for him. When he feels better let him see that he has you there forever. Even if that might not be true... But the key is to live, love, and laugh... Live happy
2007-03-16 03:21:35 · answer #1 · answered by My dreams are my sanity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say help him get a therapist. This is stuff he maybe won't feel comfortable talking to you about, but a therapist is confidential so he may wish to open up more.
Also, know that there's a chance he may become physically abusive himself because it's what he was taught. Do not let him get away with it even once, as this is unacceptable and he needs to know that that boundary is uncrossable. Not saying it would be his fault, it's just early conditioning can lead to such things. Also keep a check on other possible side effects such a drinking etc.
But again, therapy is the best way you can help him with these issues, plus being there for him. Maybe also ask him what trust means to him, and togetherness, in the context of your relationship, so you make sure to keep that in mind. You can also ask him what makes a house feel like a home, which can help him know he belongs there.
Just some ideas, hope they help.
2007-03-16 10:34:00 · answer #2 · answered by Luis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is be there for him and love him. I think he may need to see a therapist to talk about these trust issues, and the abuse issues of being abused as a child.Please don't try to rescue him. He needs professional help.You can provide emotional support by staying there but leave the deep stuff for the Therapist. Sometimes people will use childhood abuse to use another person as an emotional crutch! Don't let this happen because you'll be dragged down into that pit with him.
2007-03-16 10:35:52 · answer #3 · answered by Pamela V 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if it's necessarily something he can 'get over'.
It depends on how badly he was abused, what form the abuse took, how long it went on for, and whether or not he has ever had the courage to face it - or the perpetrators of it.
Keep in mind that if he was seriously abused, he will probably carry around the scars from that trauma for the rest of his life. He might be able to control it on the surface, but it will always be there. Some people can deal more readily than others, but even those who put a brave face on things might not really be as in control as they want you to think they are (in face some are in even worse shape because they are keeping it buried).
The only thing you can do, if you really want to be with him, is to learn to help him cope with whatever problems he has because of it - at the same time, you shouldn't let him use it as a crutch or an excuse.
2007-03-16 10:33:34 · answer #4 · answered by joemammysbigguns 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for him.
You're his gf not his counsellor, just let him know that you're there to listen for him and dont rush him to 'get over something'
In time he may seek some professional counselling, which may be best to have someone who has vast experience in dealing with people with trust issues talk to him.
If over time his trust and abandonment issues are effecting your relationship badly and affects you negativly to the point of desparation and he refuses to seek help for it, put your foot down and tell him that he has stuff he needs to deal with and it isn't fair to you or him or your relationship for him to ignore it.
For now though just be there for him, dont judge him too harshly and let him know that whatever has happened in his past, it doesnt change how you see him and how much you love him.
2007-03-16 10:28:37 · answer #5 · answered by Chyme 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good place to get help is www.emofree.com where both of you can learn EFT and practise on him.
Reiki is another good solution worth trying and you can ask for Reiki for him freely by joining the group,
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Reiki_Path/
and if you are interested, you can become a Reiki Healer, freely.
A third option (and the beauty is all three can be used simultaneously) is Bach Flower Essences. A good place to learn about them is the free online course at:
http://floweressencesintro.onlinecourse.com/
2007-03-16 10:38:27 · answer #6 · answered by Swamy 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Start dating his father... he's got to face lifes' issues at some point.
2007-03-16 10:21:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Women always make excuses for us when we mistreat them. It's convenient!
2007-03-16 10:21:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Patience.
Understanding.
Being trustworthy.
Until he knows that you'll be there no matter what ...
2007-03-16 10:42:00 · answer #9 · answered by pepper 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋