The sad part about it she suspects he's cheating, and I know he's cheating because I have seen with my own eyes. She always tells me she thinks it will get better once they marry, but it will only get worse. He's verbally abusive towards her, he punches holes in walls when she asks who that girl was just calling for you 2:00am, then he flips the script on her. WHY CANT SHE SEE IT!!!!! Should she find out the hard way, or should I try my best to not let this happen.
2007-03-16 02:24:31 · 22 answers · asked by Still Standing 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
you should let her know then let her make her own decisions from there. you can only give her the information not make the decision for her.
2007-03-16 02:27:49 · answer #1 · answered by Clueless??? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a difficult situation! As the best friend, you are definitely caught in the middle. First and foremost, if she is your best friend you should be honest and open with her about what you know and what you've seen. That is my policy. As a friend I could never sit by and watch a friend get played by a man or caught out there. That being said, realize that your friend might make you enemy number one because people always blame the messenger, regardless of how irrational it may be. Be a source of comfort and peace for your friend. Tell her that your'e not judging her no matter what her choice may be - whether she decides to get married or not. Advise her that marriage changes nothing and that once those vows are said she will be locked into a partnership with someone who has already demonstrated low morals and a lack of respect for her. He also has a potential for violence and if she brings children into the world they will be victims too. By being honest with your friend you will have peace of mind later on down the road when and if things go badly between them. You will know in your heart that you tried your best to save your friend from poor choices.
2007-03-16 02:32:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell her what you absolutely know to be fact, as unemotionally as you can (given that she's your best friend), especially if he is verbally abusive to her. You're right; it's likely to get much worse once they are married. I would also suggest to her that she get pre-marital counselng herself because a non-biased third party may be able to get through to her
However, you may have to accept the fact that you can't stop her from making this mistake, if she's determined to do so. This is why I recommend being as unemotional as you can when you talk to her about it. If you object too strenuously or get into a fight with her, there's a good chance she will break ties with you, either at her fiance's insistence or because you're creating too much emotional discord for her to handle.
So, to preserve the friendship, tell her what you know, but keep it low-key. Then, when she reallizes what she's gotten into and really needs a friend, you can be there to provide emotional support and pick up the pieces, so to speak.
2007-03-16 02:45:00 · answer #3 · answered by poetic license 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where was afriend like you way back when? You sound like a true friend. If you both are still speaking, trust you have not over stepped your friendship and she is hearing you.
Sad though that as women we tend to forgive the men in our lives MUCH TO MUCH. She is having her own doubts and you deffinitely need to stand up with her and let her know your friendship is to important to see her this upset.
Right now she needs friends and family to know exactly what is going on. He already verbally abuses her, punching holes in the wall is the first sign of physical abuse. He may not of hit her but the fear of being hit is there. It is no difference in the two to me.
She also needs to know it is all right that she has feelings for him, heck he had to do something right to win her affection. That is what usually keeps us in bad situations, good memories. Now she has to learn the world continues revolving without that certain someone in our life.
NOW is the time she really needs this to come out, not later after a wedding ceremony.
Help continuing to help her stand on her own two feet, but remember in this she will need alot of carrying.
MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU.
2007-03-16 03:00:01 · answer #4 · answered by rose s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe try to set something up so she could see it w/ her own eyes?It's a really hard situation!I once told a friend her man was cheating and I became the bad guy,she accused me of being jealous and wanting her man,which was the last thing on my mind,I thought I was doing something right by telling her?!So these days I won't open my mouth unless it were something like that happening to one of my best friends who I know they know I would only be looking out fo their best interest!
2007-03-16 02:30:16 · answer #5 · answered by molliehollie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My firm suggestion is stay out of this equation, because you will get kicked in the butt by the same person you tried to save. She knows what he is doing, or suspects and if she is still going through with the marriage, then whatever happens to her or the pain she suffers will be of her own doing unfortunately. She is living in a dream world and will continue to be until real sets in after the honeymoon. Some people seem to be masochists. KEEP OUT OF IT.
2007-03-16 03:12:56 · answer #6 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are a true friend you will at least tell her what you've seen. That may carry some weight. We both know this type of behavior usually escalates. If he's this bad before the marriage...
Make sure you're there for her. She's going to need a lot of support either way she goes. Good luck.
2007-03-16 02:34:02 · answer #7 · answered by katydid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just stay out of it. If you get involved probably just going to end up hurting your relationship with your best friend. Love is blind. If she doesn't see the problems now she probably is not going to listen to you about it..... I lost a good friend while I was married to my first wife cause of something similar. After the divorce things cleared up b/w me and my friend though. After 3 marriages I have come to the conclusion that love makes some people retarded including myself.
2007-03-16 02:32:39 · answer #8 · answered by rageinjapan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is really your best friend and you lover her , you will not let her do this. Present her with your proof, even if she already knows about it, confront her about the abusive side of it. She is going to be a victim for the rest of her life and if she brings kids into this, she will be forever in fear for them too. He sounds like a complete monster. Better to hurt her now with your thoughts, then for her to be in a hospital bed in a year from now in a coma, when you cant tell her.
2007-03-16 02:34:09 · answer #9 · answered by mlock123 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter how much you try to not let this happen, she is going to need to find out the hard way. It is not your fault, you tried your best. Just sit back and be her best friend, love her, listen to her, and advise her. She will finally figure it out, even if it is too late.
2007-03-16 02:30:26 · answer #10 · answered by shelly63795 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She can't see it because she is in an abusive relationship and the dude is messing with her head. You have to tell her. Do what you can to stop her from marrying this guy. If she doesn't listen to you, it's out of your hands. You did your best.
2007-03-16 02:34:29 · answer #11 · answered by ppaper.wingss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋