how do you come to terms with the fact that the girl you loved and wanted a relashionship with, has lost?

Question

feelings for you, and is not committed to you anymore? i had a relashionship with a girl in canada, on msn. i met her two years ago in warez chat and id been talking to her for two years on msn. i built up strong feelings for her. and she told me she did to. she was even goin to move to the uk to be with me. i got really attached to her, she was a light in a dark tunnel in my life. when im dealing with other issues, like my mental health. she gave me hope. recentley she told me she needed to review everything in her life, including our relashionship, and that she may not be able to come over her now, and she would still like to be friends on msn. im cut up about this. and thought this was my first real relashionship with someone. but what i built up in my mind, was never true at all. shes 20 from canada. im 29

Answer 1

Sorry to say this but you don't.
I had a similar on line relationship(we met regularly) with someone who was the love of my life. She finished it by e mail, and told me she had found someone else but wanted to be 'Friends'.
You have to realise that the friendship she wants of you is to shut up, keep quiet, do not hold an opinion and to agree with everything she says.
You are young enough to form other relationships, do not become bitter. Not everyone is like this, there are plenty of women who have been used in exactly the same way that you have. I know this sounds trite, but you need to find closure. Do not let this ruin your life. There are nice people out there.
To rub salt into the wounds the someone I was dumped for turned out to be a sick sadist who trolls the Internet looking for women to abuse, and gets 'off' by abusing and hitting women. I was expected to sit quietly and smile when this gobshite's name was mentioned.

Answer 2

Long distance relationships are fickle, even more so online. She's only 20. She's not much more than a child. It's likely that, at 18, the idear of moving to the UK to be with a man was exciting. Now that she's a little closer to adulthood, she's having some doubts about moving acorss the globe to be with an individual she really doesn't know. Let's face it, there's only so much you can learn about someone over the Internet. Perhaps, because of your mental illness, she has detected unstable elements of your personality and it scared her off. Maybe she's got someone in her life, like a parent or a friend, whp found out about her plans and has talked her out of it. Either way - give her the space she needs.

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, your love was destined to be. If it does not, then it was never yours to begin with."

Answer 3

This is what happens when you invest too much into emotions. The whole emotional process is made for snap decisions... not long-term commitments. If you allow emotion to govern your life, it will end up being short and painful.

You just have to remember that "love" isn't all that special. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain causing you to favour someone irrationally that you might breed with them.... That is all it exists for.
Emotions die... but logic never will. If you want a relationship that lasts, it needs to be founded on more than mere "love". You need to be with someone whose existence you benefit from, and also who benefits from your existence. The two of you need to form a symbiotic relationship where together you can achieve more than either of you could individually.

Clearly in your situation, the emotional rush had died down and the canadian realised that the attempted relationship was irrational and non-functional. Long distance relationships tend to be awkward in that respect.

My recommendation here is as follows:
#1. Try to put this long distance relationship in the past and count it as a learning experience. Seek to sever yourself from those attachments as they will only hurt you more in the end.
#2. If you seek to be in a relationship rather than taking time for yourself.... start by purging all emotion from your mind and focusing on what kind of a person would physically and mentally complete you..... Once you have done that, try looking at online dating sites and look for people in your own area.... folks that won't have to travel too far to be with you.


Seriously.... Emotions are a tool for the short-term. Never let them cling in the same way too long or they stagnate. Found all relationships on logic and reason, and re-apply emotion anew regularly to keep it fresh. Don't be afraid of change.... It is essential to avoid decay.

Answer 4

people don't get the loneliness of fellows with character problems. I quite have kinfolk like that so i comprehend what you sense. What i'm approximately to assert might look harsh or that i'm being insensitive - yet I assure you its no longer meant as such. Does this woman comprehend approximately your problem? If no longer, make certain she does and BE undemanding approximately what triggers rage. you ought to lose her - yet -its extra effectual to lose her now than to get her there with you, scare the hell out of her and characteristic her go away you when you establish a actual connection. in case you like her - you will take the possibility. in the propose time you are able to desire to work out a therapist which will assist you handle any concerns that reason you rage - or self harm. The final question I ask is extremely significant. Are you possessive and brazenly jealous? As in in case you went right into a jealous extra healthful, might you harm her? if so - you mustn't have a relationship along with her for her very own protection and your wellbeing when you consider which you are able to finally end up in penitentiary or detention center. i do no longer comprehend how extreme your disease is - you in basic terms go away me with guess paintings right here. in case you like her - positioned HER first, Her wellbeing, her protection.

Answer 5

Get up. Quit blinding yourself. You don't truly know her side as you're not next to her, as several people have mentioned or tried to guess. She may still have feelings for you but is afraid to reveal it, or is scared of the consequences of meeting you face to face once again.

There are most likely over 3 billion girls out there, so don't get so hurt over one.

Listen to yourself. From what I know you seem like you're falling into your own trap. Don't let your own mind and thoughts bring you down.

Don't be so sad, know that she cares about you - otherwise she'd have quit contacting you a long time ago.

Wipe those tears off your eyes, mend your shattered heart back together. :)

There's still time to change the path you're on. ;) Life's too short to for negative thoughts, so stand up and dance and love the moment you're in. ;)

Depressing thoughts will make you feel even worse. I don't you to be sad. So relax and be happy ;) there are plenty of girls out there, most which would care more about you than ever.

Answer 6

Sorry to hear that. It will be painful but you will get better with time. Time is a healer but you will always have that sickening feeling in your stomach when you think of the one you once loved but have lost. The best thing to do is try to forget for now anyway and move on but nothing serious, just celebrate being single 4 a bit!
Good luck

Answer 7

It doesn't sound like you ever met this girl..so you've more than likely built this individual up in such a way that she realized that she could never really be your expectation. It's wonderful to find friends on the internet, but until you experience them in person there is no way you'd be able to really know if that person could give you what you want and need. You need to learn to love yourself as a person and then go out into the world, not the internet and find your soulmate.

Answer 8

You can't have had a real relationship as you never met!!! You may have things in common and who knows, if she does come over something might happen. But if she has seconds thoughts then maybe not. Why don't you show her how much you care and why is she the one that has to move. Think of it from her point of view would you like to 'upsticks and move' leaving behind friends, family and your life. It sounds like something that never happened is over. Move on!

Answer 9

basically you have fallen in love with the perfect fantasy figure in your head. not saying that the hurt your feeling is any different than if you had met face to face but maybe going out a bit more might help..

i dont know you so its hard to answer these questions but think about your ideal partner & then think about your friend..

do they look the same?
do they speek the same?
do they smell the same?

you cant have a relationship with any one else, if you havnt established one with yourself!

sorry if this sounds harsh

all the best wil

p.s good luck

Answer 10

Well... sorry to say... but I have never seen a long distance relationship work, and honestly you will get over it. Sure, you'll remember it hopefully fondly, but every time you do, it will hurt a little less. It may seem a little scary, but it's fine, you just need to take some time... maybe a nice vacation...