husband does not believe me..Help!?

Question

My husband thinks im cheating on him with my ex.My ex is the father of my child. He came unexpectily to my job to tuch bases with me about my child. I told my husband and now he thinks im cheating on him. Last night while my husband was out over night, I was taking care of HIS CHILD. Me and his child were worried sick about him. Then just this morning I call my husband to see if he would answer. He surely did answer. He started yelling at me about what happened with my ex. He called me stupid,but yet I sat there with HIS CHILD over night while he was playinhg hookie. He also called me ignorant,. He said he had no confindence in me. Im sitting here like what are you talking about. My ex came to my job unexpectigly, I had no idea he was coming, and yet he mad at me.

What should I do? I love my husband deerly but I dont think he loves me back. Or does he??

Answer 1

I think you need to let him cool off and then calmly tell him that you are hurt by the fact that he thinks you are cheating on him, and that you hope that he realises that you love him. Then I would ask him where he was last night and why he didn't call to say goodnight to his child in the first instance and to tell you he wasn't coming home.

Guilty conscience?

Answer 2

Wow! First allow him time to cool down. Secondly, address your child's father and let him know that he should never pop up unexpectedly at your job. You now have a commitment to your husband and ex's don't have that privilege to pop up whenever they feel like it. In the past that might have been ok , but now you have to be the individual to let that be known to your ex. He's an ex for a reason and even though you may have had a past with him, you now have a future with your husband and that means leaving past things or people alone. You let your ex know that if he wants to discuss something in regards to your child to call first and see if its feasible that the two of you can talk face to face or over the phone and its ok to make your husband aware of this because that's why the two of you are married, to share. That's called respect. As far as your husband goes, he is hurt now, but his reactions are a little absurd. Even if he felt that you are cheating on him that doesn't give him the right to stay out all night. Two wrongs don't make a right. He has an obligation to you first and then his child. The two of you are in a committed relationship, and if this is going to work the door to communication has to remain open. The two of you should sit down and talk about this problem before it gets worse. You deserve to work this out for the sake of love first then marriage. My only concern is that there may missing pieces to this predicament. Is this the only thing that is causing him to react the way that he's reacting or are there other variables there? The reason that I ask is because, if he is staying out overnight because of uncertainty, what will happen next if he's not sure about something else in the future? If you are uncertain about something or making accusations about his behavior, does that give you a right to stay out also? Pray and play fair about this. I wish the two of you the best and I hope that the two of you can resolve this in a civilized way. Remember,don't argue around the children.

Answer 3

He does love you, I am sure, but he is being a selfish ***. When you spark a relationship, let alone a marriage with some one who has a child, this must be expected. Considering that you both have children, he should understand. Do you freak out when he needs to speak with his ex regarding his child? I will assume not by the content of your question. You need to ask him when he brings it up agian, and you know he will, why he thinks it is excusable to behave in this manner. When you reproduce, the down side is, and you know this already Im sure, that the second party will always be apart of your life. If he loves you he needs to help make it work. You cant do it all on your own. Thats not what a marriage is about.

Answer 4

Wow ... what an @$$. Sorry, but he is acting like one. Yeah, I think it's time for couples therapy. He has some issues regarding trust. He's either been deeply, terribly hurt in the past, or had a rather rough or unorthodox upbringing. Eric Erickson is a very famous psychiatrist. He's a giant that followed in Freud's footsteps. No, he's not the household name that Freud is, but he had ideas that I believe were right on. What does any of this have to do with your husband? Well, Erickson came up with developmental stages based on social interaction (Freud's were based on sex). Erickson's first stage of Psychosocial development is Trust vs. Mistrust. If your husband never felt that he could trust his caretakers (parents, guardians) to care for him properly, then your problem is much deeper than even you know. It means that he trusts no one, or loses it very quickly and holds grudges like nobody's business. If this is him, then, yeah, counseling for the two of you and (can you twist his arm) individual therapy for him.

You asked if he loves you. I think he may, but trust is such a big part of love. He has to deal with his trust issues before he can really connect with you (or anyone - son, etc.).

Good luck and bummer. Not being trusted sucks, but don't fall into the "well, if I'm going to be accused, I might as well do it" category. That way helps no one.

Answer 5

Whoa! This was uncalled for! I mean very uncalled for. You husband is being very unfair! I mean he is being so unfair that he needs a big talking to by some one who has a big influence on him.
He is genuinely sick in the head to accuse you of cheating. Ex's often have to visit on the phone, at home or work to discuss their child. It is good that you can communicate with your ex.
If my husband stayed out all night over something like this I 'd be thinking he is guilty of cheating. Generally the accuser is the guilty one. Or they are thinking about it in some way.
Bad hubby. Bad father!

Answer 6

On one hand, you wouldn't tell him about your ex coming to your work if you had cheated on him...you would want to keep it a secret if something happened, right?

On the other hand...you never said in your question that you DIDN'T cheat on him...

On the third hand (okay, I know there are only two hands...) your hubby probably wouldn't get so upset if he did NOT love you. I'm saying, maybe that's why he's so upset...because he DOES love you. However, he needs to stop talking to you like he did. He needs to grow up and come home to his wife and child and discuss what happened like a civilized adult.

Good luck.

Answer 7

If this is an isolated incident I would calmly sit down and reassure this man that there is nothing going on. If he still doesn't trust you I don't know what I would do. There is something out there in the landscape that is creating this trust issue and he may need to seek some form of counseling to get past it. This is clearly not a situation that lend itself to a healthy environment of the relationship to grow further or to raise children. Fix it quick.

Answer 8

Trust is everything in a marriage without trust you have nothing.You seriously need to reconsider your marriage with your husband for a few reasons 1)he does'nt trust you 2)it sound's like he is emotional abusive to you and nobody deserves to be down-graded or be-littled..You need to have more respect for yourself.Your husband also sound's very insecure.If you have a child from another man you will alway's have to deal with that man and your husband sound's immature..You have done nothing wrong don't allow your husband to try and turn it around he need's to get over his insecurity..Good Luck to you & Best Wishes.

Answer 9

most of the time when one points a finger about someone cheating it turns out to be the one pointing. sounds like hes the cheater ... and if hes acting jealous then he really needs to grow up. when u have a child with someone u will have to talk to that person -its part of life.

Answer 10

I'm sure he loves you, he just has some serious insecurity issues. Your husband should understand that you are going to have contact with your ex - you have a child together. Talk to him, see if he's willing to go to marriage counseling.