My daughters father wants megan everyother weekend overnight, but he disappeared from her life for over a year,(shes 2 btw) and i dont think its good fer her mental health. Im afraid if i let him take her she is going to have abandonment issues. She already freaks out with people she knows and she doesnt know her father at all. what should i do?
2007-03-16 01:59:11 · 24 answers · asked by nikki l 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I have full custody of megan. i want him to see her every weekend but i want to be there so she is comfortable but he wont hear of it
2007-03-16 04:46:21 · update #1
I would start things out slowly,meet him somewhere or let him come to your home a few times a week,and let her warm up to him.Then if you and her feel comfortable let him take her alone a few hours a few times a week.Then build up to possible over nights,as long as he is consistent w/ seeing her and you and her are both comfortable.Good luck situations like that suck,and even tho chances are he's a jerk,at least give him a chance,maybe he will be a good dad!!
2007-03-16 02:04:16 · answer #1 · answered by molliehollie 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should give the father a second chance because everyone deserves it, he left Megan for over a year but now he came back so it means he still loves his daughter. And Megan needs a father anyway, it's different to have a mother only. About the abandonment issues, she has to learn to over win it.
2007-03-16 09:04:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would probably start off a bit slower. Let him take her for the entire day for a month or so and then let her spend the night to see how it goes. I know it's hard for you because you don't want her to be upset, but children are pretty adaptable. She may cry for the first several nights he gets her, but she will calm down and begin to enjoy herself. You'll just have to grit your teeth and let her get to know her dad. (Provided you trust him not to take off again, it's not fair to keep her from him.) And it will give you a deserved break too.
Maybe tell him to call her during the week too. Kids love to talk on the phone at any age and it will get her used to talking to him.
If you two don't have a comfortable relationship with each other, I can see why he wants to be alone with her. Maybe let them be alone together for a few hours every Saturday and then work up to over night. I know as a mother it will be hard, but he deserves to see his daughter. All kids experience separation anxiety and if you are nervous she is going to be and that will make it harder. She will be OK, just give it a chance to work.
2007-03-16 09:10:08 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right, he doesnt even know her. Maybe you could talk to him and see if he will start off being with her for a few hours during the weekend day first. This will give her a chance to get to know him and it will also give you a chance to see how he is going to treat her. After taking off for over half of her life, just make sure he does the right thing by her when they are together.
2007-03-16 09:06:17 · answer #4 · answered by mlock123 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there any way that the two of you could get along long enough for him to visit his daughter at your house until she gets to know him? This seems like the best solution to me. That way you are not denying him his rights (deserved or not) to his child and yet not freaking her out either. I don't blame you for refusing to send your daughter to a stranger to her overnight. I would be the same way. I hope that you find a solution. Good luck.
2007-03-16 09:05:14 · answer #5 · answered by Dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keypointist .... modern men need to realize there is more to being a father than a visit once or twice a year, maybe a birthday card when thought about and a phone call whenever the dime is handy. Children are not disposable commodities. Modern women have to protect the children from the men who walked away saying not my problem and pop in once in a blue moon to fan their egos.
2007-03-16 11:30:25 · answer #6 · answered by cytopia1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say to ask him if he minds you sticking around the first couple times , so that you can get Megan comfortable around him . And whatever reaction she sees that you have towards him is vital . She can not see your anger or saddness with him . And if you cannot control it - you will be the one held accountable later for her not being with her Daddy . That is what happened to me . I was young and hurt , and selfish . Now , years later my children blame me . A court order is a good idea also .
2007-03-16 09:11:29 · answer #7 · answered by NotSoPerfect 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
encourage her in every way to make the most of the time she has with her father make excuses for him if need be. It is just so wonderful to have 2 parents and to be able to know them both even if it is only a little. You have to show that you are relaxed with the situation even if you are not ! Hopefully she will settle down and take things in their stride. She is at the age when things are a little confusing.Help her to accept. It is not a perfect world and we are not perfect people.
2007-03-16 09:14:56 · answer #8 · answered by njss 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let him met with her for a couple hours the first time. then let him have her for the weekend, children are really resilliant and you might find that he will be a good father. Try this now if he leaves out of her life at least you can tell her later you tried.
2007-03-16 09:04:40 · answer #9 · answered by neicee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think that if you have full custody it is your right not to let her go with him i think that if you want her father in her life then you might start with visitation like once a week let him take her out to lunch or to the movies. and then as things progress maybe once in a while let her go camping with him for a week end. but most of all i think that it is important for you to instill in her that she is not being abandoned and that you love her very much
2007-03-16 10:45:51 · answer #10 · answered by MECD 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋