My mom keeps fighting with me. Should I totally fall out with her?

Question

My mom keeps fighting with me. Should I permanantly fall out with her
if she does'nt listen to me, and understand that she hurts me?

She can be very rude. I do feel she uses me because her two daughters
don't talk to her, and her other son lives in Singapore, and she thinks the world of him.

When I married in 2003, she realised it was the end of an era, but I wanted to keep a good relationship
with her. Instead of welcoming my wife as a new daughter, she soon fell out with her and things have not improved.

My mom gets involved in her own world at times, and thinks her problems are bigger than anyone
elses. She refuses to listen to me or taken my advice, and as a result she is agoraphobic, alcohol dependant
and socially inept.

I should also say she is capable of being really nice, but cannot keep it up. I would love a good relationship
with her, but with Mother's day and St Patrick's Day coming up, I feel so sad that the whole relationship seems
impossible to keep steady.

Answer 1

Im really sorry your going through this but listen, alcoholics are very selfish people. My dad has suffered with alcoholism for many years, any healthcare professional will tell you its a disease, they NEED alcohol.
Obviously i dont know your mums level of alcoholism but all i can tell you is dont give up on her. My dad has done 3 detox's and im still not convinced he not drinking but he is only ever interested in himself, his own problems. If he calls me its to talk about himself, i might tell him about about someone his grandson has done and he'll say "yeah yeah but...." and start talking about himself again.
You can tell her she needs help but only she can take that step. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind unfortunately. I told my dad if he had been drinking i wouldnt come round, or that if he was drinking he couldnt come to my house. I had to put my foot down in the end, they seem to thrive off of attention and sympathy. Dont give it.
Good luck i hope you can find some way to get through to your mum but if she doesnt leave alcohol alone it may be a fruitless battle. Just try and except what you have got with her, i had to.
Good luck

Answer 2

Hello.
I mean no disrespect by this, but it sounds like your mother has a lot of her own issues. I think that if you fell out with her, she may be more devastated than you think. My grandmother on my father's side was never in my life for the same reason- she didn't like my mother and so my father ended his relationship with her. But after she died, my dad told me he regretted that he had fallen out with her. I suggest keeping a relationship with her, but maybe not a very close one. Also, let her know that you won't tolerate the way she treats your wife. Maybe your wife should just stay away from her completely. I know it is not ideal... but could be the only way you could continue to have any sort of relationship with her... even if it is just a few phone calls now and then. Good luck!

Answer 3

Everyone needs their mum. Maybe write a little note in with her mothers day card about how much you love her but also how upset you have been lately. Make the first move and see how it goes from there

Answer 4

Don't fall out with your mum - you'll regret it when she's gone. I realise it must be difficult to maintain a relationship with her, she obviously has problems but could you maybe get her some help with her alcoholism, agrophobia etc?

Answer 5

drop her like shes hot