How can i let things go?

Question

I have a strong tendency not to let things go whether it may be something someone said or did, maybe they didn't mean it in a bad way but if i get even a hint that they were looking down on me patronising me in anyway, then i just see red. I dont go beating people up, but verbally and emotionally i cant let go, i cant let things just be and i let people get to me if i perceive them as threatening me or insulting my character. I know im extremly stubborn and hard headed and usually dont take very many peoples advice but im just wondering does anyone have any suggestions on how to just let things role off my back and not be so defensive, or is it something thats just in my nature and character?
Serious answers only please,if anyone comes and tries to wind me up,it wont work,with this question i know some people might think they have open season on me,doesn't work like that.
Anyways, im sorry for rambling on and thanks if you even read this long lol. =)

I am seeing a counsellor, for unrelated things, but just in the moment, its hard to get control.

Answer 1

I used to be like that when I was a lot younger. Stubborn, highly opinionated, close minded... then I met some really great friends I had been admiring 'cos they were very "mellow" and easy going - they were very instrumental in showing me my self destruction. I learned that by closing my mind to "hurts" (criticisms etc.) I was actually hurting myself! Every time I took something "personally", it affected everything about me from the inside out - I looked mad or defensive all the time. Not wanting to look like (or thought of as) a crazed bull, I quickly changed my entire outlook. First, I had to build up my confidence - thought I already was, but no - it was a FALSE confidence. I was insecure - that's why I was defensive - NOT because I was self-assured! This took reaching back and finding WHY - ah, my Dad was very critical and Mom was distant - in my immature mind, anger was the easiest way to chase off "attacks". Then, realizing that often it was not WHAT was said, it was the WAY it was said that sent me flying. OK - not all of us are tactful - why let that be such an issue - not all of us are stupid - better LISTEN to those older and wiser, check out what they say - instantly deflecting everything guarantees GOOD info WILL be missed. In my mind I was being wise - reality was indeed I was keeping myself ignorant. Meditation and relaxation exercises helped immensely - learning to FACE bad talk in my head and REPLACE it with good talk was hard to do, but it worked. I did this FOR ME. What a fantastic confidence builder! With my new well deserved "cool" self, I laughed at or with criticism - felt free to do what I REALLY wanted - and ended up being the most "popular" and "admired" girl in town. Now people say they felt jealous 'cos I did NOT care what others thought of me - it's been 36+ years since I made the transformation. Confidence is knowing that you are OK, you accept that mistakes will be made, know when and how to forgive - AND when to forget. It's KNOWING that the world is out there waiting for you to grow, learn, and share the beauty of it all - that is what this life is all about - it's NOT about feeling yucky, carrying chips the size of Mexico around on our shoulders, frowning, growling, acting deaf dumb or blind, loneliness, ulcers and grey hair at 20...... I love this statement because it really says it all - "Treat People Like YOU Want To Be Treated - NOT Like You Are Treated." When you do this (yea, it's HARD!) you KNOW you really are on the RIGHT road!!!
YOU, AND ONLY YOU, ARE IN CONTROL OF YOU.
Peace Be Within You

Answer 2

unfortunately i would say 90% of the population has this problem. i too react badly when i feel like i am being threatened or made fun of ,or even disrespected. I think it is called an Irish temper, lol. I tend to get angry or upset, and it sucks that other people can control us that way, and it sucks that other people can bring out that side of us. I hate being the "reactor". I tried counceling and well it got too expensive. I now just bite my tongue and punch the heck out of my pillow when i get home. Holding it in is really hard, and sometimes causes an explosion at the wrong time and person. I am not a master at it. I am also too sensative, so that doesn't help. My advice, buy a punching bag, take a walk, or just find some alone time to explode alone. I do this now. Then I try my darnedest to stay away from the person that made me feel this way. i too take things the wrong way, and have to let my feelings settle then go back to the situation and realize how overly sensative i was then i can let it go. But in the heat of the moment, i have to just walk away.
My best friend lives down the street, I often walk my little dog down to her house, my dog loves playing with her big dog. Well my dog has attendancy to get so busy playing(in the house) that she has accidents. One day it happened there and my friend called me to tell me she had found an accident, and that i should probably not bring my dog back. I said okay, and hung up, i was very hurt. My dog is a puppy, and yes she should be fully trained but it has been a battle anytime it snows. I was very hurt, and decided that we would not go down there anymore, and i am over it now, but at the time i cried, and was really hurt. Now, she just comes down here, and i would probably take my dog back down there now, just haven't seen a reason to. I just needed time to get over it. Take some time to absorb and release. That is all i can tell you. Sorry, if the example was poor, it was just the first one that came to mind.

Answer 3

It sounds like the very fact you acknowledge this in yourself means you are already on the way to letting things go....be proud that you are able to recognize this flaw and that you will be able to improve on it! :) Criticism is very difficult, and most people take it personally, but try and remember that sometimes people don't mean things to sound the way that they do. Often we say things that if we knew had such an effect on the other person we never would. Try and have more confidence in yourself - know that whatever people say to you, you are a strong person and don't have to take in their criticism, accept that they may have a different opinion on you but that is fine too. Also, accepting you are wrong sometimes is also ok, everyone is human and it's ok to make a mistake, or if someone else has a different opinion, sometimes they might be right, but it doesn't make you a lesser person. Have a bit more confidence in yourself then you won't take these knocks so hard.

Answer 4

I do not know how I do it , I just do , I have zero stress in my life . I just refuse to let anything stop me from living my life . I have always been this way , my son totaled my car learning to drive on my property ,insurance will not cover because he has no permit or anything , I laughed about him backing in to the tree , I even laughed when I told the car dealer why I was back so soon , but the bright side is I can give up the 05 ,and get an 07. I just do not care what happens to possessions , it is just stuff , it can be replaced , I just live everyday as if it was my last , and by doing that I refuse to let anything ruin my day. People get in my face all the time , I tell them them to back the fk off or get knocked the fk out . they can take their criticism to someone who gives a d*mn . by doing this I say F U quite a bit more than usual , People even say they will sue me I tell them to go for it , nothing gets in my way of raising my kids to be decent people , and nothing gets in my way of living my life. I am stubborn yes , I am hard headed , but I have made my life to what it is , I have my own company ,and I am debit free except for the three years left on my mortgage, I am just in my mid thirties right now , I will be retired by age 50 , my kids will continue with the company when they get 18 so they too can have a good life . I done it all on my own , no one gave me nothing , so there for no one has any buisness telling me what to do , or be up in my face.. without reprocussions, being stubborn ,and hard headed has given me the ability to do this , people can insult me all they want , they can insult my character , only 9 have gone too far and got knocked out but that was concerning defending my kids , I will defend them at all costs , it is hard to tell others how to let things like verbal attacks go . I tell people where they can go and what they can do when they get there. but I do not think about it again after that . It does not bother me to step on toes or hurt someones feelings .

Answer 5

Hi.

I seem to have the same problem.

I don't confront them about it, unless it was especially
abusive.

You seem like a sensitive person. Which is NOT a bad thing,
at all.

If it's little things from the past, that you cannot help but think of..

Write down all these things, from the least to biggest thing,
go outside and burn the paper.

As it's burning, release all the bad things you think about.
Mentally, just let them return back to the person who said them.

Self-talk helps to. Most people don't realize the terrible things
thought to themselves, about THEMSELVES.


Just know you are an awesome person, & try to be happy.

I don't know, if that helped, but I tried. :)

Have a good day.

Answer 6

Do the words "anal retentive" have any meaning to you? You can't let go of the crap.
It is all a matter of perspective. Your perspective. You can't change other people, but you can change yourself.
Ask yourself this: Does this person's opinion really matter? Do I really value their opinion? Is it more important what they think of me than what I think and know about myself?
No one's opinion of you should matter more than your own. If you know you are not what they are implying, if you know that you have a good character, then why do you worry about what they think?
You are giving these people way too much power over you. Who are they that their opinion matters? Are they smarter than you? Are they stronger than you?
How do you let it go? Believe in yourself. I have found that when someone puts another down, or hates them or tries to belittle them, it is that persons personal problem, not the problem of the person that they are belittling. They are jealous or insecure or small minded and they have to make others smaller to make themselves feel bigger.

Answer 7

yup. me too. same problem but i have post-traumatic stress syndrome. don't be sorry you wern't rambling. i mean, at first i saw the thingy and i'z like damn!, but then i read it.... anyhow, now i'm rambling..... so, yeah. if i think that anyone is being condescending towards me i blow up, ie. yell, curse, throw stuff. i realized something though: when people anger me i hold my breath and when i hold my breath it boils up from the souls of my feet, my vision gets white-washed and i have to hit something that makes a loud noise, if i do remember to breathe then my responses sound rude and eventually they blow up first leading to verbal altercations.....
a helpful thing that i've noted is the fact that when i'm not thinking about problems/worries/the traumatic experiences the more likely i am to laugh at people who would normally anger me deeply by their blatent, subtle or (sometimes) non-existent disrespect instead of blowing-up at them.
the less i worry about whether people will like me or approve the more they seem to approve of me or like me.
or maybe i'm just getting to the point where i don't care what people think especially if they can't understand. i know that i'm weird and a bit crazier than the shrink thinks but i'm me. people who'd down someone for no good reason are going to have to live down their lives and how lonely their condescending and holier-than-thou attitude has made them. you will always have you. and you know you're not stupid so laugh when they treat you as such. or try. it was impossible for me at first, it's getting easier.......
i don't want to be stepped on either.......
the key is no to be passive, rid yourself of the aggression, and be assertive.
easier said than done, and if you think you need professionsl help then get it

Answer 8

i believe u. its tough and sometimes i fail too. i have to work hard at it b4 it can let go. sometimes i think of the virtues and nobility that is inherent in each of us - how we are created so then a state of peace and calm will slowly start predominate our mindset, then we can let it go. its a long process and we have to start and work at it. think of the purpose of our life - to be happy and enjoy it - not to be burdened by such things or be sensitive. when someone insults u, its because the person is inadequate - not you. think about it. the person needs to show that they are better therefore picking on others. so think otherwise and you're on the road to it.....

Answer 9

you need to work on it YOU can;t go through life this way other wise you are going to end up miserable & perhaps alone.. maybe you should go see a counsellor & talk to someone see why & what is triggering this

good luck to you

Answer 10

You don't FEEL that letting is the best option, forgivenees isn't for god it's for you, if you learn to forgive you won't carry the weight of stress that you would if you didn't.
learn to forgive your only hurting yourself.