help with partner?

Question

Im al little worried about my partner. Im 30 weeks into a planned pregnancy with our first. He was really excited at first, but now the due date is looming he has become quiet and miserable. Everywhere he goes people are telling him that its really hard work, that he won't have any time for himelf, won't e able to do do anything but look after baby etc. Its really getting him down as he is a musician and although he works he also needs to practice a few hours a day, as well as go out some nights. i have tried to tell him its not just him looking after the baby, Im here to an we can work around it, that i wouldn't expect him to give up his music, but he just won't listen to me. How can i make him understand that yes life changes, but u don't have to give up everyrthing, there are ways around it. Its effecting me because i want this to be a happy time, not doom and gloom and I want him to think positively about having a child, not thay its all terrible.

does anyone know of any sites that nI can send him to that describe positive experiences for first time dads, so i can try to counteract all the negativity that people have been throwing at him?

Frank - i don't need that kind of advice, it is not true and doesn't help one bit!!

Answer 1

The best advice I can give you is to hold on until the baby comes and let the experience of the new baby bring his enthusiasm back. Right now just make sure you two are strong in the relationship, spend time with eachother and support eachother and when the baby gets here you show him how it is still possible for him to enjoy his work and his family. I am not suggesting that you accept all the responsibility to make his life easier because you both are in this together and planned this together so it won't be fair for him to take the easy road. Just make sure you have time for eachother and never for a moment let that slip away from you because it is quite easy to fall into a lifestyle in which you both find yourselves leading seperate lives.

Answer 2

Do your best and try not to focus on all the things that he is worried about. Reassuring him might only remind him. Instead, tell him about other exciting positives to having a baby!
And you know what? My partner and I have managed to still have time to go out here and there and we still lead very productive personal lives, even with children. You can always get a sitter, even if grandma can just give you a break for a little while. We wouldn't be good parents if we didn't devote a little time to us and take care of ourselves. If we didn't do that, we might be a bit more miserable, which is no good for the kids.
By the way, congratulations! I hope this helps. Here are a couple sites for him.
http://boards.babycenter.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?webtag=bcus6690&redirCnt=1
(a forum for new dads and dads to be)
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/29464/first_time_dads_a_guide_to_guiding.htm
(by dads for dads)

Good Luck!

Answer 3

There are several books at the library for dad's that are expecting. They are based on humor, which most guys go for. All these people need to close their mouths :) Yes it is an adjustment, but one that most men and women survive. Good luck and congrats on the almost here little one.

Answer 4

It is normal for guys to become abit nervous at a time like this..think about it.. you are going to have a baby!

and yes it is going to be hard at first..but you get the hang of it..and yes you give things up..but it is all worth it.

and yes you'll be running late to things but hey you'll be a parent and now have a good excuse for being late.

you'll be up till 3am or pull an all nighter..not cause your out clubbing but cause your taking care of you little one...it is hard..but think about it..you watching your own creation grow..and your both responsable for making him/her grown into the best person he/she can be.

It doesnt last long to get the hang of it..everyone takes their time and getting used to new things..but after a while of doing you'll become an expert.

this kid is going to need both mother and father role...
this kid is going to learn from you.
this kid will do the same mistakes you have done.
this is child is going to be the best thing that has ever happened to both of you.

and you both need to be together..be there for eachother...

you both created a child that didnt ask to be born..but you to chose to give it life..you both chose to take care it..and that is the best thing you two could do.

Parenthood is not easy..it is not all smiles and happy times...but as your child is born..you yourself will grow as a person..and you will realise that thanks to your child you have things you wouldnt of had before.
like patience for example.

i wish you both the best of luck for the most hard but most rewarding job anyone could ever have..being a parent.
and i know you two will be great at it.
give your husband space to think about it..he needs to get things clear in his head..and he needs to make plans on his head of how things will work around.
he isnt going anywhere..his just a little freaked out..and its okay to be like that..he'll be fine..and so will you.

Answer 5

maybe he should have thought of all that before he knocked you up. Maybe hes just nervous, or maybe hes a jerk who will start looking for a way out. either way it sounds like your going to be handling the heavy end of this one.

Best of luck