why are my parents overeacting?

Question

1) I lock the door whenever I am studying in my room as my mum would always bring some fruits for me to eat or tea to drink. I get annoyed as my mum walking into my room would make me lose attention on whatever I was thinking or doing. However, my mum thinks I am hiding something from her and that I don't love her because I am ignoring her by closing the door. Sometimes, we quarrel over the door!

2) My dad planned on taking the family to Japan for a holiday this december but I protested as we'll only be doing some sightseeing on mountains and rivers. Moreover, if we go to the theme parks there, I'll be sitting the rides alone as the rides are too thrilling for them. On top of that, I can't buy any nice stuff as the things in Japan are expensive. I suggested to visit Hong Kong since most of my relatives are there. I get to meet them and it won't be that boring as I have cousins to hang out with. However, my parents think I don't love them because I refuse to go to Japan with them.

Answer 1

I think it's more of a comunnication problem than it is overreacting.
Talk to your parents.

About the door thing: Tell your mother that it is your solution to something your find extremely annoying: someone interrupting when you are concentrating.
For me, it's been 17 years since my mother did this and your story takes me right back!!!

Talk to your parents.
Tell your mother her you want to love and respect her as a mother but that she is making it harder for you to respect her because she treats you like a toddler.
You're not a child. You are being checked upon.
It annoys you and it breaks your concentration.

Tell her there are two ways of dealing with this, and she can choose. Whichever way she wants this is up to your mother:
1) She accepts you are no longer a toddler she can walk in on at any occasion she likes. She should not check on you on the pretense of bringing you tea and cookies. She must learn to have a little faith in her own child and not to give in to her own insecurity.

2) The other way is that you lock your door and don't argue with her. Seriously, this might actually work. As long as the door is locked, ignore her. Do not get into arguments. Just tell her to take the cookies back, and don't say another word.

At any case, tell her you are growing up, and that it is up to YOU to decide whether or not you are going to be disturbed.
It's up to her to choose the way in which you are not going to be disturbed.


Holidays in Japan. Another communication problem.
Tell them you want some say in the holiday destination, again because you are growing up, and your arguments are not being taken seriously.
Tell them that looking at mountains is THEIR idea of a holiday, and they just threw in a couple of rides at an amusement park in the hopes you would tag along.
Tell them you are no longer a toddler whose cooperation you can buy with an icecream.
Tell them they are ignoring your arguments and that they are not listening to you.

I don't know how emotional you get, btw. Getting worked up and slamming with doors if they don't do exactly what you want is not a good way to show you want to be treated as an adult!

How old are you, btw? Boy or girl? You can mail me if you like.

Oh, last thought. In both stories your parents claim you don't love them, because you don't do what they want.
That is emotional blackmail. You can tell them it is, and that it hurts you.
Tell them the reason for the arguments (both about the door and the holiday) is because they are not listening to you. They're ignoring the fact you may have an opinion of your own. That has nothing to do with love, but everything with respect. Mutual respect that is - respect coming from both sides. At the moment, you're not getting any.

Answer 2

One, tell your mom that whenever she walks in the door that disturbs you on your studies and that you wouldnt hide anything from her and no matter what you would always love her. Say this without fighting or quarreling..

two, tell your dad that since you will be all alone it will be very boring for you as you are young you need to be around people your own age and also this way your mom and dad can have some time alone, catch up old times and even go on a date it will be nice for them also if your not always with them!

if you cant tell them this, Just make them read this!

Answer 3

parents are always suspisious of teens and as well they should be. I was a teen once. I know. And my 17 year old top honor best of the best teen tried to hide something from me and got caught. first time in her life she was grounded big time and I wanted to call the cops. because of an older boy.
As for japan Are they going because they want to for you or themselves. maybe it is something they wanted todo and you are being selfish. When all you have to do is say ok but I don't want to go on the rides at this place. Or even better ask if you can stay with a friend or a realative and let them go alone. they could use a break from you. I love my kids but I sure would love a break from them

Answer 4

1.) why can't you just tell her that you are studying and that you don't want any snacks or tea? Explain that you want to get really good grades for them and for your future and when she comes in it distracts you if that's the real reason you lock your door. Or insist on at least knocking- you can strike up a compromise with her. "Mom, i won't lock the door if you promise to knock before coming in, and if i say I am studying or I don't need anything, then please respect me enough to not come in." That way, she'll stop freaking out that the door is locked, and she'll understand why you want your door closed.
2.) Why can't you just go with your parents? Just because you don't think it will be all that great doesn't mean it's worth a full arguement and resistance with your parents. They are still your parents and you need to respect that they would like to visit Japan. Again, maybe try a compromise. Agree to go with them to Japan for half the trip or 3/4 and then the other half you get to go to Hong Kong. If they won't then it's still ultimately their decision- they pay for it. You should be grateful you get to travel at all!

From your two problems it sounds like you are trying to be independent and get your privacy and have things your way. Remember, your parents aren't used to you being like this, and even though it's just a part of growing up, you need to be clear and direct with them of why are you doing something or why you don't want to do something, but still respect your parents enough to fully listen to their side too. Is it your mom's culture's influence is why she wants to bring you snacks and tea while you are working? Be grateful that she even does anything for you! My mom would just tell me to get up and get my own! she loves you enough to care that you are comfortable, etc. at least have the courtesy to say thank you, and remind her you need quiet and no interruptions from then on so you can get a good grade. And i think you should go to Japan, still a good experience, and what's wrong with sightseeing? compromise and go on some rides with your parents, and others even if you go alone, it doesn't make the ride any different. You are just being stubborn and unfair to your parents. They do what they do because they love you, not to make you irritated. relax, and enjoy life- they are providing you with a LOT. Be grateful for what you have.

Answer 5

Explain the concentration thing to your mom...thank her for her attention, I wish someone would do that for me :-D but tell her, that she's interrupting your attention.

For Japan...well, sounds like a nice trip to me :) If you're old enough, you could visit Hong Kong alone. If you're sure you wouldn't like to visit Japan, ask them if it wouldn't be better if you stayed at home or something, rather than ruining the whole trip with being in a bad mood.

Still, your parents sound nice enough. Just a bit dependant on your love.

Answer 6

This is a tough one bc you already have your mind made up...right?
Sooo, you might try this with your room situation...bring mom to the room and do anything and everything as you would normally as if she wasn't there..she will prob leave very soon and then leave the door open and unlocked a few lore times...then tell her that you will be lockin ght e door for your privacy from now on
If you truely are NOT doing anyhting bad or wrong then she will just have to live withit and maybe just every once in a while leave it clear open just to show her you can..
Now, about the trip...maybe go one more time?
and just ask someone there you make eye contact with and might enjoy doing rides with and so on at the park and other places?

good luck
G

Answer 7

try this put a sign on door saying time to study and don't lock the door and tell your parents that you won't be locking the door anymore but you will leave a letter on the door soo that way they will know that your working but if needed they can come in because you have nothing to hide. Second get a grip go to Japan with them or bettter yet tell them to call me I'll go.

Answer 8

It is very normal to want to break away from your parents when you get older. It is like the baby bird leaving the nest. Do remember, however, that our parents are only here on earth for a short time. One day you will wish that you had gone on that trip, and you would go on a dozen more like it if you could only have them back.

Answer 9

From someone who doesn't have a parent to do things with? I'd suggest that you give it some thought. Your Parents, do Love you. ans I believe you owe them some Respect. I'd be interested to see how you would react. If your Own Child, treated you like that. Then again? I'm a Parent. I see it from their side. You could look back at this Question. And be very, very sorry, one day!

Answer 10

My dear Charlotte, communicate with your parents in a nice/adult/matured way. Don't just say NO to their plans. Justify your statements in a very professional way. They are thinking you are still young and cannot make decisions. Prove to them that you are not, and you can also make decent decisions.

As for your mom coming to your room, tell her nicely that she is disturbing your concentration. And thank her for the fruits and tea.,