Depressed,why doesnt it happen to me!?

Question

I feel like ive hit rock bottom.
I have been with my partner for 11 yrs,and 11 months ago we started trying for a baby.Nothing has happened so far.It seems everyone else is concieving.Wednesday my sister gave birth to a beautiful little girl,im so happy for her but seeing now her family is complete i feel so depressed mine isnt.I visited her in hospital and yesterday i just couldnt bare too,i slept all day and today i just feel like crying.I hate feeling this way and i feel so selfish that i am so down when i should be so happy.In another 8 weeks i will be an auntie again to another little girl,i feel like i will just break!
Has anyone felt like this before?
I also am starting to feel angry.People asking why im not pregnant,if i can have them.

Im 26.We havent been for tests as we havent been trying a year yet.

Thankyou to everyone who replied to my question,its nice to know the way i have been feeling is normal,and that others have experienced it.Im trying to be as strong as possible.Went to see my neice and sister again the other day,and spending time cooing over her and supporting my sis is what im gonna do.And hopefully soon,ill be experiencing motherhood.xx Thanks again,you all helped alot.

Answer 1

I understand what you're going through. I was trying to conceive for 3 years before I finally got pregnant this time. In that time my sister had 2 babies.

I love my sister, don't get me wrong, but I always questioned "Why her?, Why is she the one getting pregnant and not me? Why when I have the financial stability she never has had? Why her when she gave her first child to our parents because she couldn't "control" him?" etc. I was miserable - I wanted another baby so badly. I never told anyone we were trying, I was hoping in the beginning that I could soon say "Surprise! We're pregnant!" and if it were to not happen as quickly as it had in the past, my husband and I would be the only ones to be disappointed each month.

Finally, we quit trying. The stress and disappointment each month was too much. We started to accept the fact that our family was whole - with or without another child - and whether we really felt that way or not. Within a couple months of no stress sex, we got pregnant.

It may take time, if it doesn't happen for you soon I'd recommend seeing a doctor. We never did and if we had we may have been able to conceive sooner.

Answer 2

It is okay to feel angry.
Have you seen an OB? If it is not a ferility issue, then just keep trying. Try doing the basal Body temp. or taking the Ovulation kits at home. I am sure you have read up on all the different reasons you could not be concieving. I would talk to your Dr. see if they could run a few test. Maybe even have your husband tested. Don't get discouraged.
I know that I have heard that weight (either too low or too high) can be a mojor factor in conception. Be happy for your family, and enjoy those neices you have. Spoil them as much as you can!

I just went back and read your previous question about being late. If your periods are the least bit irregular that will effect your ovulation. This could also be a sign of something else. Please go see your Dr. Let them set you on the right path, and not take the advise of people that don't know you or your body.

Answer 3

Have you been using an Ovulation Kit?? My doctor give me two tips that were very useful after we had been trying for a while too.

1. Buy an Ovulation kit to test your urine from any pharmacist. It will tell you exaclt when you are ovulating. I was 4 days out with when I thought I was.

2. The doctor gave me this tip. Don't have sex like bunnies the days before you think you are ovulating. It can make the sperm weaker when you need them if you ovulate the next day. Have sex once the day before then wait 24 hours and have sex the day after ( not on the actual day). The egg last for about 2-3 days and the sperm 3-4 days so this will mean the sperm has had a chance to strengthen. If couples are really desperate they tend to have sex too early and too much which dosn't optimise their chances.

All the feelsings you are feeling and healousy are absolutely natural sand really eat you up . Don't feel bad about them or fight them. I knew lots of women who feel exactly the same.

Put your energies into being practical about what you can do to improve your chances. Take folic acid, cut down your and your husbands booze intake, eat healthy and let nature do the rest. I found getting some tips from a sympathetic lady doctor really helped. I think the average is about 12 months to get preganant if you have been taking the pill so it is just a matter of time.

But try not to let it dominate or sour your relationship. I had to remind myself how lucky I was to have a loving and supportive partner and to appreciate him.]

Why not book a night away and try and have some time off from thinking about it.

Answer 4

I know what you are going through but the reality in the whole situationis that some people are trying for years without results and then suddenly after they give up hope it happens. I am 23 years old and have been having unprotected sex with my fiance for three and a half years and last October (2006) found out I was 6 weeks pregnant. Though we were never trying to get pregnant, I just assumed that I probably could not get pregnant because we were having sex for so long and I never conceived, I never voiced this to him though. I was so happy and somewhat relieved when I found out i was pregnant. I know this is hard on you but you are definitely not the only person going through this and it is absolutely ok for you to feel upset and angry and depressed, especially as alot of other family members are having babies. The first step you should take is to visit a professional who can test you both (even though you have not been trying a year), once this person verifies there is no problem with either of you, then alot of stress will be off your back. You can then really settle into and ENJOY the process of getting pregnant. I believe you just need more time, it is quite normal to take long to conceive and you will be soon carrying your little bundle of joy sooner or later. Best wishes and keep your faith alive. Try not to stress yourself anymore just visit a professional as soon as possible.

Answer 5

Relax - I hate that word too but you need to really relax. Jealousy, envy even hate are perfectly normal human traits so cut yourself some slack and dont feel guilty. everyone has the right to ask 'why'? I lost my mom 9 years ago, my brother was just 12 (I was 21) and for years after that I couldnt go for weddings etc. coz everyone had a frigging mom and I didnt. So ultimately no one notices these miseries and you keep suffering alone, when i realized that I stopped feeling sorry for myself and moved on. one small factor in your pregnancy taking time to happen maybe your anxiety ... take a break if you need to ... stay away from babies, baby books and baby things till you calm down, then have a good one week of sex all day :) ... complete a year of trying and see a doctor. Thats it!!! This is the 21st century, you are very very young woman, you WILL have a baby.

Answer 6

Oh, believe me, I know how you feel. I was the first of my siblings to get pregnant. I am 31. I lost my child at 22 1/2 weeks due to what I now know was incompetent cervix. About a week later, my sister-in-law announced she was 18 weeks pregnant. Then, about a month later, my cousin announced she was 16 weeks. Now I am pg again, 22 weeks along, and terrified of losing this baby too. Anyway, trust me--I know the feeling. When I went to the hospital to see my niece, I felt a lot of anger and pain, even though I also felt great love for her. I even felt that way when my sister-in-law announced her pregnancy--I was so jealous I couldn't see straight! I had just lost mine, and now here she was all happy and rejoicing. It wasn't fair!

Try not to feel guilty. Your feelings are natural considering what you are going through. My mother-in-law told me that every woman is a bit jealous when someone else has a baby--it's part of our instinct--but it's worse when you are trying and not seeming to succeed. So don't be too hard on yourself. No one else probably realizes you feel this way, and it doesn't change the love you have for your nieces.

I wish you a lot of luck and hope that you will experience this joy for yourself very, very soon.

Answer 7

hi there i cansympathise with u.. two and a half years ago i fell pregnant with my son,sadly he was born 14 weeks premature and died 6 weeks after his birth..we started tryin again for another baby over a year ago and still nothin,lastmonth my period was 6 days late and i was sure i was pregnant because my periods are on time every time.but it eventuall y came and this month it was 2 days late.talk about bein depressed.i know how u feel. all i can say to u is dont give up but don't obsess on it.try take ur mind of it.when my son died my sister became pregnant and my best friend too. i thought it was the end of the worl;d beacause i had lost the most important thing in my life.now i know i was stupid.why feel like that because of ur own hurt in life..i love my niece dearly,. then when my niece was a year old she had a cancer tumour .it made me realise how stupid i had been back then when the pain of losing my son was so hard to bear..help ur sister with her new baby.they say when u r around new babies,it helps ease the longin and there is more chance of concievin.hope this makes sense.goodluck

Answer 8

If it's worrying you, go to your doctors for advice, there might be a problem causing you not to get pregnant. It does take a while sometimes so I suggest keep trying but if it really is troubling you, get advice as there is no harm then testing both you and your partner to see if there is a problem somewhere-there are plenty of ways to get these problems fixed, so down be sad about it, as I'm sure you can mae it it happen if it's really what you want.

Answer 9

You poor thing, have you been for tests? I don't know how old you are but it may take longer if you are older.

I'm sure that you will get pregnant in time, but don't let it take over your life, try to stop thinking about it and just let nature take it;s course.

If you are really worried then why not go for tests, it could put your mind at rest.

You sound really depressed, have you spoken to your partner about how you feel? Having his support will help you so much. talk about this with him, go for tests, there will probably be nothing wrong and you can just concentrate on practising, but enjoy it!!!

Answer 10

Have you been to see a doctor yet? If you have been trying for about a year with no luck, it's probably time to get a few tests done.
I really feel for you as it must be awful. People are so rude and ask such personal questions when it is none of their business!
This website might be of interest to you - it suggets lifestyle changes as a way to aid conception
www.foresight-preconception.org

Good luck.