My final day poem - please rate 1 - 10 1 being the worst?

Question

I think of lines I'd like to try
For that day that I will die
I'd like to say them from a cloud
As I wear that final shroud

We all do know that day will come
That we'll lie down, are days are down
We'll see our life before our eyes
We'll shed a tear, and then some cries

I always wondered how I'll be
For that day, that he calls me
Am I ready for my fate
As it draws near, I want to wait

I'll look around and try to see
Who's really there, and there for me
Cause all my life, I have had friends
Lets see who comes, as my life ends

Then I'll close my eyes, my final breath
My body warms, I feel my death
Will I see lights, or be it black
No matter what, I wont be back

Answer 1

It depends how old you are. If you're 12 or younger I'd give it a solid 5. If you've graduated high school and that's your best, then a 3. And I'm being generous.

Answer 2

Well I like it because it's honest. I think that you think your life should be scripted, when really you should be listening more to your own heart. I'll give you a 4. It is wise to look at your end while thinking about the way you live your life. But think about what I am saying:

I think of ways I'd like to try
to express my life before I die.
I'd like to say them from a cloud
as I will shed that final shroud.

We all do know that day will come
that we'll lie down, our days are done.
We'll see our life before our eyes.
We'll shed a tear, and then surprise.

I always wondered how I'll be
on that day, when He calls for me.
Am I ready for my date?
As it draws near, I want to wait.

I'll look around and try to see
who's really there, and there for me?
My life, my friends, I gave my heart.
Will any come to take my part?

Then I'll close my eyes, give back my breath
my soul departs, I feel my death.
Will I see His Face, that lights my way
or angel guides to a brand new day?

Will I sleep for long in silent peace,
or will my watches never cease?
Perhaps I should take some time to pray
and give my life a brand new way.

I never learned to say my lines,
I tried to write my own life and times.
But there in Scripture was the key
to unlock the doors to eternity.

I have a Maker and a Date,
I can't avoid nor tolerate
the time I wasted while I berate
the simple call to God's own gate.

He would have gifted all to me
but I was just too blind to see.
What faith in Him would build in time
a grateful soul and love sublime.

Answer 3

This could have been an awesome poem - IF you have not used such a solemn atmosphere and topic in your poem. But, overall, the use of language and expression is plausible and pretty sophisticated. Good work.

Answer 4

Perfect Ten! But I queston why you would look at Death, at your young age? Balance that with something about enjoying Life. Keep Writing. We may see a Book of your Work, one day!

Answer 5

Its a very good poem but I hope you r not depressed. God wouldn' t want you to be unhappy. Good friends stay in your life forever . You r very talented. God gave us the treasures of friends . Sometimes we need to go back and nuture those friendships . Please come back..........

Answer 6

Not no 10 a 15 its real good keep it up publish them in http://www.poetry.com/ so other people could read them too

Answer 7

Every that breath, shall die
Every that right, gonna be allright
Every that not, really in trouble
Every second , keep passing by
Be good, before you bye-bye

Answer 8

9- pretty good .. with practice will get better!!! there is a little room for improvement

Answer 9

hi there, id give it 9, its good only a bit sad but really good

Answer 10

tip: don't just rime AA BB CC etc. Take another scheme: ABCA or BCCB etc. AA BB CC gets really boring after a while.