My 12 yr old daughter has said she was raped but says if i go to the police she will lie and deny it.?

Question

She said last year she was assaulted but she didnt say she was raped. the police were involved but nothing has come of it. She knows who the boy is but not by name.She has a history of lying but i am not sure wether she is or not.She has been self harming,stealing, lying and trying to run away. I have the school and social services involved regarding her behaviour.But when she told me and my friend last night that it was rape she burst into tears saying she felt dirty. My partner has not supported me he has called her some awful names because her behaviour recently has put a huge strain on our relationship. I am so worried for her she is a very unhappy little girl. I have an officer coming round today but am worried she will deny it if i tell them. any advice much appreciated on how to handle this very delicate situation.

Answer 1

I have worked with a good number of people who are very good at dealing with children in this situation. If your daughter has told you that she will lie to the police then have the officer coming over not look like the police. He or she (Preferred in this case) should be in civilian clothes. The first thing they will need to do is gain your daughter's trust. Make sure that you don't try to be with her and the officer because she will have you as an audience to play to. There is a possibility that your partner could be right about your daughter but you should be open to the possibility that you have a daughter who has been traumatized and is needing help. I pray that you will get through this and remember that, no matter what, your daughter needs your unconditional love.

Answer 2

My sister was assaulted and it took her a year to tell anyone. I would suggest starting her in therapy. In therapy she'll be able to work toward being able to put this behind her, and part of that is getting the police involved. She may not be ready for that yet. My sister went through some of those same behaviors. It's VERY difficult on everyone. Therapy would be my first goal with her. As far as your partner goes, honestly your daughter is only going to get worse and feel worse if she isn't being supported. I'd consider taking a break for a while until your daughter is stable. She's going to go through so much with this, and so will you. Your partner may be more of a stumbling block than a cornerstone in this situation. I'm so sorry about your situation, and I wish you all the best. I forgot to mention, don't push her into anything! Don't try to force her to tell you about it if she doesn't want to talk, don't try to force her to the police. The only thing I'd require is that she does go see her therapist, and if she doesn't like that person, get her another one.

Answer 3

Why is your daughter self harming and trying to run away? She must have deep rooted problems to be doing this. She needs to get to counselling straight away.

As far as the rape goes, it's a difficult situation as she has a history of lying but if it's true then it must be reported. i think you need time on your own with your daughter to talk to her properly. Your partner should not be calling her awful names, she is only 12 and obviously a very scared and unhappy little girl. Your doughtier is more important than your partner and if her is not being supportive then get rid of him!!

Please try and help your daughter, take her to see someone and try and take her away for a week, just the two of you, she may ope up and tell you what's behind all this.

Good luck.

Answer 4

your main focus should be on your daughter your partner can leave if he isn't going to be supportive to you and to your daughter as well.Maybe the reason she has been acting up and getting into trouble is because she has been living with a heavy Bordon and was to embarrassed to talk about it.It is not up to her to decide if the cops are involved or not it is your duty as a concerned parent to involve the authorities so you can possibly stop this from happening to someone else and to get help for the boy. Maybe if you explain that to her she will understand.Maybe the boy who did that to her is part or a friend of your family and that is why she does not want to tell.Then the police have ways of getting people to talk. GOOD LUCK however you work it out.

Answer 5

I think you need to take your daughter to go talk to someone to help figure out what's going on with her. She has some underlying issues that need to be addressed. The school and the social worker can only do so much. I would take what she says about the assault seriously. It's you job as her mother to do so. And sounds like you are. As far as your partner, it's not his place to be judgmental about her behavior. He's not helping matters by calling her names. Who knows, he may be the root of the problem. If he can not talk with her without calling her insulting names, then he needs to stay the hell away from her. She obviously has enough to deal with. Teenagers.Who the heck understands the things they do? I sure don't. But, I think she really needs some counseling and you too. Good Luck.

Answer 6

I was raped when I was 13. I did not tell anyone at the time as it was someone I knew and I was too embarrassed. The guy who raped me was bragging about the fact he had 'had' me and I just wanted to run away from the whole experience. I am now 24 and I have only ever told my partner, I still see him walking around where I live and he seems like a normal person. I can sympathise with your daughter if what she says is true, as I just felt like it was my own fault. She may feel embarrassed and ashamed of herself. She may even find it hard to tell on the rapist as he may seem a nice, normal person. Just try and assume she is telling the truth until she tells you otherwise. Good luck.

Answer 7

She could have been telling the truth. I was molested for years by my grandfather. When I finally got old enough to know it was wrong I told my mother. She took me to counseling and I told them it did not happen., that I made it all up. They wanted me to do to a teddy bear what he did to me and I could not do it. Sometimes telling people the truth right away is hard, especially for officials. At her age, I know it is really hard and don't press her into reporting it because its a painful process. Couselors are ok but police are scary. I was also raped at 17 and didn't report it. My mother found out somehow and forced me to go to the police. It was hard and traumatizing and the guy walked free and he raped at least 6 girls that didnt report him either. Sometimes it is easier not to report it and just forget about it, although if it happens, they need to go to jail. The sad thing is only 15% of rapes are actually convicted.

Answer 8

All you can do is believe her and have her report it. If she denies being raped there is not anything anyone can do without some proof.

Get her professional therapy (if not already) because she seems to have a lot of issues that need watching and hopefully she will be able to work those out to a manageable level.

At least she knows you believe her and it's up to her to decide if she wants to do something about it. We can't live our whole lives being victims no matter how hard life is for some of us.

If your boyfriend can't deal with things then he needs to move on because your child comes first (whether she lies or not). When you've felt you've done all you can do and she still decides to act up -- then maybe them it would be time to seek a group home for her that can deal with her issues.

Answer 9

This happened when she was 11? The poor girl! It is no wonder that she is acting out and having some serious emotional problems!

As a mother I would NOT make her talk to the police. Let social services deal with it, it can be handled without further traumatizing her.

However, she does seriously need help. I would call a rape crisis center and ask for a referral for a councilor ASAP. Since social services is involved they may be able to help with that too, especially the funding part.

Also, she needs to be medically checked for STD's. Having that done may actually help her a lot, knowing that her body is indeed clean.

I can't believe you allowed your partner to call your child names, no matter what her behavior. What kind of "partner" is that? If he in not involved in supporting you and your children, ie a true partner, then get rid of him! Your little girl is counting on you! She needs to be your priority. your mentioning him, and that you let him verbally abuse your daughter, indicates that you may have forgotten that men are easy to replace, but your child is one-of-a-kind and your primary responsibilty is to her.

Answer 10

i was sexually assaulted around the same age, I'm now 29 and it has never left me. please support her and dont push her into anything she doesn't want to do. i found that actually once i had it all out in the open the attacker then became the victim! i was called in to the head of schools office and told to 'drop it'! my attacker claimed nothing happened and i was actually the liar! Even today im very bitter about the situation but i always knew what came around went around one day. your daughter needs to speak to other victims. if by some small chance she is lying she will be riddled with guilt as she matures. All i can say is be her confidant, she need to trust you and she needs lots of love. i hope this awful situation comes to a head soon and she can move on with her life as i did xxxx