Parents of teens please read I need advice!!?

Question

My husbands sister, age 13, so she is my sister in law. *Kate* just turned 13 and you know how girls are at that age. THey never listen to anyone and think they are queens, the thing is my 4 year old daughter has severe alergies. I have to use none sented and none colored soaps and special lotions the doctor gives us because anything else will make her break out in a horrible rash. Now *kate* always puts chapstick on my daughter the result is swollen lips, reddness, cracking and sometimes bleeding. I have told everyone including *kate* in front of her parents that my kid cant have these things and they have all seen what happens. *kate* will say she didnt do it or that she didnt know, each time this comes up. I tell her parents about this and they say she didnt know or we will talk to her. and again it will happen. SHe will also use scented lotions on my daughter. She is the only one in her household that uses these items let alone has the items. And my daughter says that *kate* put

them on her. My inlaws act like they dont care or that I am being to hard about this. These same ppl think carseats are stupid. No one else has a problem with listening to me. My mother bought my daughter special soaps to use at her house and my dad will use what I give him. Besides smacking them in the head or screaming at the inlaws HOW do I get them to know that this is a serious prob? How can I get them to actually care enough and not think I am overreacting. My daughter NEVER stays at their house unless its an emergency and they have limited and supervised visitation when we visit becuase of this. I try my best to watch my daughter when we are over so *kate* cant put the stuff on her but she will do it as soon as I turn my back. I am at a loss for what to do. Please help!

also my husband has tried to talk to his parents and his sister about this and again she says she didnt know or his parents will say *was it really that bad?*

we only see them on sundays...maybe 2-3 times a month if that.

Yeah I was going to say that if she was allergic to peanuts she would be dead already because they never listen to me

Answer 1

Keep your kid AWAY from them. Especially your husbands F*uckin stupid sister, only your husband can give a good yell at his Deranged sister ( if that was my sister and she was doing that to my kid or pet, I would have given her a real good lecture a LONG time ago, and if she still wouldn’t get the idea I would ground her to ever seeing the child again till she turned 15) If you want your child to be safe keep it away from her, I know this can cause a lot of rivalry between family, but your child is more important and I’m telling you getting through to a teen and one who is ALREADY this stupid is going to take a long time and your child will suffer.

Answer 2

What I would do is the next time that your daughter ends up with swollen lips or another allergy reaction because of "Kate", take your daughter to the doctor, then get a copy of the charges for the doctor visit and present it to your in-laws, saying:

"I have talked to you over and over about this, and you really don't seem to understand just how serious it really is. Yes, it is serious. Here is the doctor's bill to prove it. Since you have chosen to ignore my repeated requests for help in the matter and decided not to discuss it with Kate and make her stop, I think it is only fair that if I ever need to take little Missy Sue Ellen Anne to the doctor again because of allergic reactions brought on by Kate's interference and stubbornness and your lack of concern, that you pay the bill each time, as well as any costs for prescriptions, and Heaven forbid, reconstructive surgery later in life if this leads to permanent scarring. You are on notice."

Yes, it's a hardball approach, but these people sound like they're dumb as rocks and won't understand any other kind of approach.

Good luck.

Answer 3

My God how absolutely rude can they be? I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.

My honest opinion is cut the family out all together. When they ask why you aren't calling or visiting or allowing them to visit, tell them it's because it's the only way you can seem to keep your daughter SAFE. Sure they may be insulted and taken a back, but it's your daughter and her safety is of the utmost priority... period. Once they realize you're serious about cutting them out, they should get the hint. If they still seem to not care, then just pat yourself on the back for getting rid of the threat against your daughter. Clearly they have no respect for her welfare and as a child who depends on adults for guidance, they're setting an atrocious example.

I wish you the very, very best!

Answer 4

Maybe"Kate" is feeling left out. She may feel as if the baby is getting all of the attention. I have a 14yr old who acts up sometimes. I sat down and talked to her about it. Talked to not at, there is a difference. She told me that bad attention is better than no attention. I try to spend a little extra time with her without my oldest or youngest. This has helped a lot. As for the adults I don't know what to tell you accept to agree with the others and stay away.

Answer 5

Just don't allow your daughter to be alone around her. Or just stop going over there if no one can seem to discipline Kate. That ridiculous -- and she may even be jealous of your daughter. Stay home or don't leave alone.

You are good because I would have whipped my sister-in-laws "a@@" after the second time she put something allergic on my child. 13 is still a child but one who knows better!

Answer 6

Wow! I'm shocked that your in-laws are so unaware of the dangers of allergies...My son has a nut allergy and has to have an epi-pen wherever he goes..Allergies are no joke..and you really need to get your point across...no matter how hard it may be.. or keep your daughter out of their house until they can respect your wishes not to have anything put on her....that is ridiculous and you need to put your foot down...It could become a dangerous situation for your daughter if she was to go into anaphylactic shock...You and your husband have to get this under control immediately...Good Luck!

Answer 7

Try this. get photographs of a childs lips similar to your daughter that looks the way her lips do after an incident. I say to do this because you don't want to have your daughter go through the pain just for photos. show these to your in-laws and tell them "Yes, it is that bad" explain to them that you would like to include them in their granddaughter's life but, until they realize and stop endangering her, she will not be a part of their life. It sounds like your husband supports you which is good and it might be best to have him be the one to explain this to them. I hope it works out for you.

Answer 8

Tell them that you can no longer come over to visit them because they are putting your child's life in danger by not controlling their daughter.

There is NO excuse and NO reason to not punish *Kate* severley for what she is doing.

I would be running from those in-laws like they were anthrax.

Answer 9

easy fix, stop leaving your daughter alone with "kate". She cant put anything on her she isnt suppose to if you are there. Stop taking your daughter to their house untill they get it through there head. Next, teach your daughter, since she is fairly old enough to start learning, that no one is aloud to put lotions or chapstick on her unless it is you or dad doing it.

Answer 10

Do not, I repeat do not , take her over there period. I would be outraged. For the safety and comfort of your daughter, i think they should not be able to be a physical part of her life untill they are committed to doping what is absoultely best for her, even if they dont think its that big of a deal..... which it is!
Heaven forbid she was allergic to peanuts, in which i have heard that you entire throat can swell and suffocate you till you cant breathe. :(