Babby Momma Drama?

Question

My sons mother is the worst. She openly doesnt care about my feelings, and gives me the runaround about seeing my son. We were together for about 5 years and didnt get along more than 5 minutes. I knew we shouldnt have been together, and hated every moment of it. I tried to make changes in myself that she said were necessary for her to act differently towards me but it always remained the same. Now we dont talk at all, and she doesnt want to let me come and get my son which makes me hate her more than anything else. I feel like i wasted 5 years of my life on nothing and I really just want to move on with my life. So please help me figure out why i feel like i miss her?

Answer 1

Because people tend to miss what is familiar.

I would suggest that you go and talk to someone.

You have to try and have a civil relationship with her for your son's sake.
We do not need any more children who do not trust that their father is there for them.

Based on the brief description you gave, your child's mother seems like someone who has serious issues herself.
Consider that, what type of background did she come from?
What events shaped her life to make her so combative?

Ultimately one cannot change another, only themselves.


Do this, take a sheet of paper and write down all of the things that occurred or annoyed you about her while you were together. That action alone will help you remember why you are better off w/o her. Just know that your feelings are normal.

Take some time to take care of yourself.
Heal yourself from all of the chaos of your relationship with her.
Get clear about what you want, your values and then stay focused.
Seek help from the various organizations that exist to
assist men like you.

Also, take steps not to create another "babby momma" down the line.

peace and best wishes to you.

Answer 2

5 years is a long time. And u were used to the two of u being together. with everything that u have been attached to for along time, the feeling of loss is always felt when its time to let go. But uve got to find your feet and move on.
Its not like u are still in love but rather being alone is a new ground for you. Loneliness leads u to think of the only person who had been really close to u most recently.
Go for counselling and ask your therapist to call her for a session too. This will help the two of you to work out the issue of the kid.

give yourself time to heal and pamper yourself. Get to know yourself once more and regain your identity. Naturally you loose a few things to align yourself to any relationship. But for a restart at life you need to identify yourself once more.

Sometimes other than the character, the drama about the baby is because the mother is also traumatised and doesnt know how to deal with the breakup, this therefore might also help her in that. Never listen to the things we say when we are angry. its a defence mechanism.

all the best especially with your little man.

Answer 3

You hated ‘every moment’ but yet you stayed for 5 years. That’s a long time to voluntarily live in misery. You didn’t get along for more than 5 minutes, yet apparently that was long enough to get her pregnant (you must work REAL fast). I can’t tell you how to get over her, because if it was truly that bad, I can’t understand why you’d have a problem getting over her.

But I can’t help but think that in the midst of all this, your big concern--and the only thing that you asked about--is how do you get over her so you can move on with your life, and you didn’t ask what to do about the fact that she doesn’t want to let you see the child.

Answer 4

sir
it is impossible to HATE every minute of a 5 YEAR RELATIONSHIP. or u would have been LONG GONE. you miss your family unit maybe. not just her as an individual. maybe u miss coming home to the same woman, the mother of your child. you respect that (i hope). some feelings reside, as they should, 5 yrs is quite a bit of time.

if u feel as if u simply CANNOT make it work. see other people. remember what makes other women special. and please be amicable with your childs mother, set an example for your son. bickering back and forth will just discredit u both as parents.

Answer 5

ok the first question is do you pay child support if you do then you have rights to see your son. If you dont want to see her schedule a time when you can pick up your son with out seeing her. Deal with her on a only have to like when it deals with your son. 5 yrs is a long time to be with some one but remember everytime you are with your son you are with her in a sense of the word. It took both of you to make your son so enjoy him.

Answer 6

It's not her you miss, it's being part of someone else. That is so common. I understand completely what you are saying but please don't waste anymore time on this woman. Go to court, get set vistation for your child, move on with your life. Keep yourself busy and get out there and meet new people. When you least expect it you will meet someone that will love you and accept you for who you are not for who they want you to be.

Answer 7

you could take a step back.
don't be so available to her.
it may mean you lose contact with your son but I think you should be facing up to that anyway.
get on with your life, and try to get financial security.
one day your son will need you .. calm and well organised, not trashed by constant combat with his mother.

Answer 8

i guess some human beings do not have any information of diverse cultures with diverse names. Slapetta sounds tremendous, is that a community American call? From the Slapahoe tribe, i have self assurance

Answer 9

the only reason u miss her is because if you leave her alone u just wasted five years of your life....... hell i would feel the same as you do..........dont try to force it 2 worl out cuz it aint.....or maybe you did not waste five years you guys were blessed with a beatiful child.

Answer 10

its not her you miss. it is your son. why dont you take her to court and fight for visitation rights for your son.