When my husband proposed to me years ago he was well aware of the fact that I didn’t want children and he did. At the time he told me it really didn’t matter to him as long as he had me. Now every time we spend time with friends who have children I can tell he wishes he had that. I confronted him about it and he finally admitted that he hoped all along that I’d change my mind as I got older and is only realizing now that it’s really not going to happen. I love our life and as it is with each of us having successful careers and great social lives and have no need whatsoever to bring children into this world. Is this marriage doomed?
2007-03-15 20:46:14 · 22 answers · asked by Carrie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it would be better for you to let him go if you really don't want to have children coz sooner or later he's going to want it real badly and he might stray away from you so just talk to him and ask him if he wants to divorce you for that do it now . sorry i have to say this but why wait if you are pretty sure you won't change your mind ?
2007-03-15 20:49:41 · answer #1 · answered by asphyxia 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Poor husband :( I can imagine how I would feel if my spouse didn't want to have a baby, terrible. Maybe to you the marriage is okay, but he may be stuck. By that I mean that he has found everything he's wanted in a wife. He's invested time in you, had you meet his family, etc. It would be somewhat selfish of him to divorce you because of this one thing, and besides, he does love you.
He just may be sad and regretful that he never had any children. You could either weigh out the options of most importance: The reasons you don't want to have kids, or his happiness. You could adopt maybe? Maybe you can do a "reverse" artifical insemination. Where a woman gets pregnant by your husband and has him a child. I don't know, these are just options.Just keep an open mind. I hope things work out for you two.
2007-03-16 03:55:38 · answer #2 · answered by Joshu@ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say it's doomed but you need to have very frank and candid discussion with him about this soon. Tell him that you love him, always will. However, you made it clear early on that you didn't want kids, never hid this from him or deceived him in any way but if the fact that you don't want kids is going to cause him to be bitter or resentful, then maybe you two should split.
I guess it all boils down to whether or not he can live with that. If not, then maybe he needs to move on. If he can live with it, he needs to drop the matter. If he agrees to drop the matter, you would do well to not harp on it and keep going on and on and on about it. At that point, LET IT GO. He'll probably always want kids and there is no point in re-opening old wounds for him and unless he wants to talk about it, DON'T.
Good luck!
2007-03-16 05:24:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he did the ultimate NO NO, he thought you would change. People do that all the time when they go into a marriage. That sets it up for problems.
Sounds like you both need some soul searching. He needs to decide what he wants more, children or you and you need to decide if you love your husband enough to give him what he wants in life, a child. If you don't want to give birth there is always adoption.
2007-03-16 05:20:07 · answer #4 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am like you. I was a nanny most of my working career but all my children were new born only.
I married a man who did not want any children and now we have been married 21 years but i had known him 4 years so that makes 25 years.
Yes, there are times when I had my doubts but you should stick to your early decisions as it would not be fair to the children of this union. You sound like your mind is made up and maybe he is just having second thoughts.
Just try to communicate this idea to him in a loving manner and explain to him you still do not want to have any children.
If he still convinced he want to have children then the fair thing would be to each of you going your separate ways.
2007-03-16 03:56:20 · answer #5 · answered by Louella R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not necessarily doomed. What about adoption? Is it that you do not feel you can love a child and help nurture it to become a tremendous human being. Or are you too stuck in your career mode that you do not feel that being that self- centered really affects your overall happiness.
Maybe you 2 should go see a marriage counselor. One question you have to ask him is -- does he love you and you have to ask yourself - do you love him?
If the answer to both is a resounding yes, then your marriage is not doomed. How's the sex? Does it still occur? Are you still in love with each other. You can't force your expectations onto each other and not expect to have the optimal results.
Are you capable of loving another human? Share that love with him and work through it.
2007-03-16 03:54:23 · answer #6 · answered by Leafs Rule! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not doomed however you must realise that he made concessions without understanding the consequences. Can he have children with another? Will he be satisfied with his genetic material being passed on through artificial insemination? There are so many ways to fulfill both your needs. Problem solve to make it work. Talk to each other . What are his non-negotiables... and yours. It may end up in a parting of ways but face it head on. You'll respect yourself and him inthe end regardless of the outcome.
Good Luck!
2007-03-16 03:54:25 · answer #7 · answered by me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, the marriage is not doomed, u were clear right from the start that u did not want children, and he agreed. Let him keep his part of the agreement, though it may be difficult for him. Under the worst case, he can adopt a child.
2007-03-16 03:57:49 · answer #8 · answered by wizard of the East 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, the marriage isn't doomed. One, continue to communicate about this and all issues in your marriage. Second, if it is a really big problem, go to counseling.
You need to do some soul searching. Do you really not want kids? Is there something about having them that scares you? Has something in the past traumatized you about being a parent? You need to have definate well thought out answers to these questions. You don't want to give hubby answers like, "I just don't want to."
Good luck and God bless.
2007-03-16 03:54:27 · answer #9 · answered by kinky_scotty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW is adopting a child out of the question it does not have to be a baby there are lots of children older that could use a family if not maybe see if he could be a mentor or big brother or something like that a father figure to a needy child good luck hope all turns out
2007-03-16 03:52:46 · answer #10 · answered by mrpeg422 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yikes - this is a tough one, but at least you have been totally up front with your husband. You should talk to him again and let him know you are not going to change your mind and he has to decide if he wants to live with that... sad, but the best thing if you open up the issue -- if he decides to stay with you then everyone knows what terms he is staying on.
It doesn't seem like he does anything to hurt the marriage or pressure you on the issue, so that's great of him. but if he's suffering inside over something that will not change then it will likely have an effect on both of you down the road and you each deserve to be happy in a lifestyle you really want...
2007-03-16 03:50:43 · answer #11 · answered by Finnale 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋