If he trusted me, would this even be a problem in our marriage?

Question

I’ve been married to my husband Jordan for 3 years now (first marriage for both), since we were both 26 and it’s been absolutely amazing. The only problem we’ve had in all that time and it’s a reoccurring one is my friendship with my ex. My ex Jack and I remained good friends after we broke-up following a 3 yr relationship. My husband has never been able to accept my friendship with Jack because he’s convinced he wants me back which is just crazy. After a while I just got so sick of him going on about it that I only hung out with my ex when Jordan was away on business. I though this way everyone wins but I got caught. Last week Jordan came back from his business trip 1 day early saying he wanted to surprise me and found me and Jack playing around in our pool. Nothing ever happened between me and Jack while my husband was away or otherwise .My husband was really mad, kicked him out and has barely spoken to me in days. I’ve never cheated on him or anyone else in my life and he knows that

Answer 1

Sorry to say so but I agree with your husband.
In your mind Jack is only a friend but he is more than that because at one time he was there in the place your husband now occupies.
Seeing Jack behind Jordans back, fooling around in the pool, lying by omission are all wrong even if nothing sexual is going on. If I were Jordan I wouldn't trust you.
You say he knows that you never cheated on him but you lied and deceived him.
It is not only wrong, it looks wrong as well.
Make your mind up whether you want to keep your vows or keep your friend.

Answer 2

Jack needs to be out of your life. Bottom line!

It is simple choice.....husband or x bf. the husband should win hands down. Your marriage is the most important commitment that you will ever have. Lose Jack.

How would you feel if your hubby came home from his business trip and said he bumped in to his high school sweetheart and they had dinner and lunch every day he was there.

Hon, this isn't a mater of trust- it is common sense. It is honoring your marriage vows.

See Jack in mixed groups.But a married woman needs to NOT be doing things that could break up a marriage.

Get on your knees and say you are sorry to your husband and that the family you two are starting doesn't need jack in it. Then vow to respect your man

Answer 3

Of course this is a problem in your marriage -- your husband has let you know that he is very uncomfortable about another man in your life (and rightfull so) and your response is to spend time with that other person behind your husband's back. It's kind of sad actually -- you and your husband are supposed to be a team and support each other, never creating situations that would make the other uncomfortable.

Be a wise, mature woman -- turn the tables around and be honest of how upset you would be if he had an ex-girlfriend that he was close to and hung out in your pool whithout you knowing while you were away.... c'mon, this is a ridiculous situation you have created.

Apologize to your husband, grow up and give up the doting attention from your ex, don't hang out with this person that bothers your husband and focus your energy on finding way to give your husband reason to be happy, adore you, trust you and feel secure in his marriage instead of creating situations that do the opposite.

Good luck - you probably have a great husband and are really flirting with driving him away...

Answer 4

OK, put yourself in his shoes, and look at things from his eyes. How would you feel about an ex of his being in his life continuously now that he's your husband? Anyway, there's a first time for everything, (you & Jack cheating), because even though you want to be in denial, your husband is in reality about this guy. Your husband know what another man would want in your situation, so you should trust him. It would only be a matter of time before Jack would make his suspecions come true, face it. He may try to trust you, but not Jack with good reason.

Answer 5

Well, personally... If my husband had a relationship with an ex of his, I'd be insanely jealous and so would he if the shoe was on the other foot. Despite the fact you want your man to trust you to the ends of the Earth, it's just not fair to him to ask him to accept this friendship. Honestly... You're being a little selfish. You have to ask yourself, would you rather have your friendship or your marriage? If you said your friendship then sweetie, you're married to the wrong person. Now, if you said your marriage... Then you're on the right track. Also, the fact you started SNEAKING around to see your friend just makes your relationship even more suspicious... And the pool? Honey, what in the Hell were you doing in the pool ALONE with another man? Even I'm not believing you don't have a thing for your ex and I know you have no reason to lie to me. I'd suggest cooling down on the friendship or better yet, just give it up and do what is best for your husband... You're married now, you have to do a lot of self-sacraficing in a marriage. It's all part of the gig. Look at it this way... If your man had a female friend who was his ex, someone who has shared intimate moments with him, had sex with him and someone he's seen naked... Would you be cool with it? And don't even lie to yourself, you know it'd eventually get to you... Especially if she was hot. Sexy women are incredibly threatening to the average woman... I know, I'm one of those threatening women and lets face it, other women don't like me much!! Hun, do you and your husband a favor and say goodbye to your friendship once and for all. You're going to make your life easier and it'll prove to your husband that he means more to you than your ex. The fact you've refused to give up your ex just says to him that your ex is more important to you than your own husband... I can't imagine how that has to feel.

Answer 6

I know that if i was in that situation id do the same as your husband...the ex is an EX ! In a new relationship you dont brin gin the past. Do you sit down at a first date and bring up old boyfriends? nope bad idea....so is bringing ex's into a marriage. To make matters worse you went behind his back and while he was away you and your ex were at your place alone. Not A good way to build trust so you can hang out with the ex....if your marriage means anything dump the ex....he can only make things worse.

Answer 7

Your husband told you that he wasn't comfortable with you being around Jack. So, you thought the best thing to do was see Jack behind your husbands back. And now you're upset because he doesn't trust you enough to let you lie to him and see men he's asked you to stay away from.

Are you that dumb? You're one margarita and a fight with hubby from giving Jack the best night of sex he's had in years. You can try to lie to us and yourself all you want. You're gearing up for getting down with Jack.

If you love your husband, you will never see Jack again. Period. Husband told you how he felt but, you insist on not only betraying his feelings but, rubbing his nose in it by having another man in the pool to "play" while he's gone on business.

I'd have thrown your disrespectful, self-centered little butt out along with Jack.

Answer 8

Here's the problem. It isn't about trust. It is about security He is not secure in his relationship with you. Your ex is a threat to his feelings of comfort and security. You may be with your husband, but he is worried about how he compares to your ex and now because you have not severed ties with him, it is about trust.

you may not believe it but your ex probably does want you back. How can you remain good friends with your ex when she is married to another man, sleeping with him, choosing out wallpaper together. Hard to imagine, but maybe. But I think he has ulterior motives.

so for your husband to already be feeling insecure about this relationship, was just compounded by coming home from work early to find his wife "playing around" by the pool. It was a surprise he wasn't expecting. Especially if he hasn't seen or hear of your ex in a while. It reallllllly appears suspicious.

So no he is wondering how many other times you had your ex over to "play around." Even if nothing happened, he won' t believe that.

He is hurt, angry and feeling betrayed. He is now questioning every thing you have said or done. And now every time he leaves the house he is afraid that your ex will be there.

you need to speak with him. you need to apologize, and let him know in no uncertain terms that you love him, and that is why you are with him. or else you will have a festering resentment and anger. ===== divorce really easy.

he may know that you haven't cheated on him, but he now suspects it. He now doubts what he "knows" and you need to fix it if you want to remain married.

Answer 9

Yeah well now you runined the trust and communication in your relationship for a long time.
I hope you can get it back.
You don't need to be on here trying to convince us you need to be trying to convince the man you married.
In the future, honesty is the best policy.
I still talk to my ex on a daily basis, my husband HAD a problem with that in the beginning of our relationship but after so long it went away and I made sure my husband knows how much I love him and only him.

Answer 10

WOW! Your husband should be more important to you than your friend especially since he was your ex.

Dont choose your ex over your husband, its not worth it.

Would you throw away your marriage for your ex? He's your husband, just respect him, he is your ex, if he doesnt want you to be friends with him than dont. Your husband is more important.
GOOD LUCK!