Am I bad for being pissed off at my big sister?

Question

I tell most people that my big sister is dead to me, here's why, my mom died on the 22nd Jan 2007, she didn't even come to the wake,she was there for the funeral but she didn't come home,she hasn't even come home since mom died and take in mind that my mom is her biological mother too. I am just so pissed off at her! she didn't even love her as much as I did she used to call her maggots behind her back ! and i think she acting like a big b i t c h y a s s !

She's 30 years old she'll be 31 in June, she didn't even come to see her when she was sick she said god told her to have nothing to do with her family.What god would tell someone that? vasiically all relegions say honor your parents,and anouthe thing my mom actuall cried when my "dead" sister said that.
and here's the **** that i hear, when she goes to the grocery she se's sprite she gets sad cause mom used to buy sprite but she wants to take my mom's clothes....

sheives an hour's drive away, her husband ois a petroleum engineer who makes a lot of money, she can spare the gas. Now she wants him to take time off be y making him lie and say that he can't come to work because mom died? this is pure bullshit!
Azania always didn't like my mom , she kiked her out on the street,she gav her a choice, to finish high school then chase after the boy she liked or chase after the boy, she took choice number 2 got pregnant and blamed my mother.

Answer 1

I seriously think your sister needs to get her arsed kicked. I understand that you are mad at your sister. BUT...even though she has been rude to your mother and your family, that does not mean you are to be rude to her in return. Kill her with kindness, my grandmother always said. She is the only sister you will have, and how would you feel if you woke up tomorrow and she wasnt there? She is a mean and hurtfull person apparently, but that doesn't mean you should be the same.
I am very sorry for your loss, but you and your sister need to talk about this and she needs to be there for you, it is her duty as a big sister to look out for her little sister and shame on her if she doesnt!

Answer 2

I lost my father on Jan 1, 2004. I have an older brother and a younger sister and somehow I always felt like I was the one who had to hold things together after my father was gone. I wound up getting into a fight with my brother on New Years Eve the next year over money, but I'm sure it was mostly the emotion of the event. Long story short, we didn't talk for 9 months. He was/is my best friend and I was too stubborn to address the real issue and we lost that time. Arguing or fighting over what you believe is right and wrong will not solve anything. My advice is bite the bullet, be the bigger person and reach out. Having lost my father I learned that you can't get time back. If you love your sister and don't want to lose her, sometimes you have to suck it up. I did and I'm happier for it, even if it meant swallowing my pride.

Answer 3

I am truly sorry for the loss of your mother. I also understand our anger towards your sister. You are not bad for feeling the way you do. However, we each grieve our own way. And, there are five steps in the grieving. There is denial, anger, and three other things, I can't quite think of, but you do get to the point of acceptance. And, all the steps don't come "in order", you can feel one way, then another, maybe back to one, etc. Is there any way you could possibly go for some counseling? It would help for you to work thru all of your feelings on this whole thing. As for your big sister, I don't know how old she is, but if she is the oldest, she could have been trained up the most strictest way. It sounds like she has anger issues of her own. I truly wish you the best. Take care.

Answer 4

Being pissed off at your sister and telling people she is dead are two different things entirely.
You can be mad but basically you wouldn't want to wish harm on anyone. I am sorry you lost your mom but there are different ways that people deal with their anger. Let's look at it form her point, would you want to be around someone who said they were dead anytime someones asked about you??
Give your sister some room to breathe. You really need to get that hate out of your heart and try to be more understanding.
The relationship between your mother and sister sounds rocky but you don't have the right to tell the world that your sister didn't love your mother as much as you did. Love is expressed different ways as well as other emotions. Like you said she came to the funeral. She showed her respect that way. Not taking sides but she doesn't owe you or anyone else anything. She has her own things to deal with. Grow up and realize that she is hurting the same as you.

Answer 5

Alienating and holding this anger over your sister is wrong. In fact, you are being a hypocrite because this is how your sister treated your mother. Just like you feel your reasons for holding grudge against your sister are valid, your sister surely feels her anger toward your mother is valid. Regardless, whether these reasons are valid or not, they are wrong......let it go!

If we do not have unconditional love toward our family members, we have nothing. Forgiveness must be paramount in a family, if it is to survive in a healthy state. Your sister's only chance of forgiving your mother (even though she's gone) and moving on depends on you and the rest of the family. Whether you agree with your sister or not is irrelevant. You always have the right to disagree, hatred is another matter entirely.

You must bring yourself to a higher level, relinquish your selfishness and take the high road. At that point you can help your sister do the same and you'll both be better people. It's not easy, but it must be done. Remember, no one is perfect.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

As much as you hate your sister, think about how her history with your mother is much different from yours. She is going to be grappling with all the conflicting emotions for a long time. She hated your mom (not unusual in families for mom/daughter relationships to be strong and stormy). But she was a little kid once upon a time and she loved her mom then. You never forget that or lose that. Let her figure it all out herself. Let your sister be 'dead' to you if you want. You can always say, if she tried to resume a relationship with you, that your mother was someone you respect and she can only be around you if she speaks respectfully of your mom. It's her choice. You don't have to feel required to help her work out her psychological issues about your mother and your mother's death. That's a job for a therapist and maybe eventually, she'll see one.

Answer 7

Anger in situations like this is healthy, for both of you. It's right for you to be angry at her for not behaving the way you think she should and it's okay for her to be angry about your mother dying.

You can't expect people to have the answers or do the right thing all the time. Maybe cooling down, thinking about everything carefully, and calling her just to see how she's doing would be a step in the right direction. I'm sorry your mother has passed, but you still have a sister.

Answer 8

hold up a minute. You don't know what's going on in her head-and I know she isn't telling you so how would you, right? She lost her mother..she can handle it however she needs to. Honestly, why should she seek comfort from you when you seem very hostile and don't offer a safe place for ya'll to mourn together? give her space, mail her a card, she's not you and you're not her....I'd say stop getting mad because she isn't doing the things that you think are appropriate and try to remember the absolute best memories of the 3 of you together- even if it was 20 years ago

Answer 9

Loosing a loved one,only the bereaved could feel the actual hurt & loss.
Between you two sisters there seems to be alot of bitterness & God only knows who is to blame.
It is easy to quote scripture to prove the other is wrong,but alot better could come off in a relationship if we could see the LOG that is in my eye before trying to take the speck from the other's eye.
Being the young sister could you try to put behind 'the dead' ,on which vacum is being created & which could begin to destroy you, both mentally & physically.
To be forgiving,is a strength only God could give-He is only a prayer away!!!Try Him,HE NEVER FAILS.

Answer 10

By being pissed at your sister you are only hurting yourself,not her. Everyone grieves in their on way. She is the one that will have pay for what she did or didn't do to your mother. We are not to judge, only God is to judge people. She may of loved her more than you think. The names may of been just a coverup to keep you from knowing how she felt. Believe me she will look back over things and she will pay for what was her fault. We can only reach out to each other and try to help each other, but if they don't reach out to you then there is nothing you can do about it except pray. God Bless and good luck. Don't hurt yourself over others!