My husband is a drunkard..he becomes violent when he is drunk.he beats me sometimes in front of my kid,?

Question

Last week things got worse and he was very violent asked me to leave home,I am working and earning a decent income .i have moved out to my relatives place.No one frm his side is calling me at all.My kid is now with my parents.He really need some medical help to leave this habit.Do i need to go back for my kids sake??or should i give a divorce??

Answer 1

you should get a divorce. if you go back, odds are that your husband won't get help for himself and will continue to beat you in front of your kid, and next time he might even start beating the kid too. i think you need to NOT go back for your kid's sake - show your kid that you are strong enough to overcome being beaten, that you're strong enough to move on.

there's a line in the movie 'where the heart is', where this girl is comforting her friend who was beaten along with her children, and she tells her friend to say this to the kids:

"You tell them that our lives can change with every breath we take... and tell 'em to hold on like hell to what they've got: each other, and a mother who would die for them and almost did... You tell them we've all got meanness in us, but we've got goodness too. And the only thing worth living for is the good. And that's why we've got to make sure we pass it on."

i always thought that was really inspiring. good luck in your journey!

Answer 2

Leave him most of these cases when the abuse goes on and on and the other person doesn't care if the kids are around
it can lead to the spouse being killed or seriously injured. Take your kids and leave the guy it appears he will not change and if anything his abusive behavior is just going to keep excalating no place to raise your kids. I see know reason why the courts would not give you full custody hopefully when you have been hurt by him you have had to seek medical attention and there is a paper trail to the abuse? God Bless and Good Luck be smart get a divorce from this abusive jerk!

Answer 3

Been there done that up until a month ago. Do not go back if you do he will see no matter what he does you will still be there for him. He is not going to change his drinking if you return, if anything it will probably increase if possible. Going back for your children is not in there best interest. I let my husband back in the house & he knocked me out. I was down for about 3 minutes & my 8 year old son stayed up all nite to make sure I would wake back up while my husband passed out. This last month since he has been gone have been peaceful & calm. Hope this helped a little. Good luck.

Answer 4

First, get a temporary parenting plan, giving you legal physical custody (or whoever on your side) of your child. Also, definitely get a divorce---you sound like you are capable of working, caring for yourself and your child. You will need to get a restraining order on him, to keep him from your child (if that is what you want) and is probably actually best for your child at this time. ABUSE is a valid reason for a divorce--no one should put up with that kind of behavior. Going back for your child's sake? 100% WRONG! That child does not need to be in harm's way-at all. That, in fact, is how abuse cycles, from one generation to the next-by seeing and experiencing it while growing up in that environment. Plus, the alcoholism your husband is going thru, he definitely needs help on. He needs to go thru detox, and AA. It would be a very good idea for you to find and attend some ala-non meetings too. To help you realize for you, and your child's sake, to not go back to that environment. Also, please look into some counseling for yourself, it will help for you to have someone to talk with to work all this stuff out. Please get an attorney, for the divorce. I wish you and your child the best. Take care.

Answer 5

You are not required to put your life at risk for your marriage. As for your child, I am not sure that staying with your husband is going to be good for the child.

If you try to see someone I would do it while you are separated for quite some time and not rush back together. I would consider 3 months apart with concurrent counseling. Do not tell him the time table of three months. After the time see if it feels right.

If you get back together you should demand some compensation. Such as him doing housework or something to help ground him about your conviction.

Answer 6

I'm an alcoholic, but gentle as a pussycat. The disease affects different people differently. I don't get angry with people. I hide.

Whatever you do, don't go back for your kid's sake.

Get help for your husband if you can, and hope for the best. Alcoholism is an incurable disease that is poorly understood. It has been my experience that all roads lead to A.A. I can't say they didn't help me at first, but I rode that horse as far as I could and then got off. It didn't take me long to figure out that I had to escape from all the annoying Bible thumpers. Other people see things differently.

Answer 7

DIVORCE. Staying with this man will teach your child that it is OK to stay with someone who treats you badly as long as they say they are sorry. It teaches them that you are not worth a damn because its ok for someone to beat you. IT teaches them that its ok to beat your wife and your child is more likely to either beat their wife or be beaten when they get married. You can stop the cycle now by getting away.

If you ever have a decision to make about what to do for yourself, pretend its your child you are making the decision for. Would you want your child to go back to someone who beats them? I wouldnt want that for my child because my child deserves the best. Your child deserves the best too. And you deserve the best as well.

If you're worried about your kids sake, the best thing is for your child to be away from someone like your husband.

If you divorce your husband now and he magically changes into the sober, responsible adult he should be (what are the odds of that anyway) You can still marry him again.

Answer 8

Um, you need to LEAVE him for your kid's sake. Do you want your child growing up thinking it is ok to beat up women? You didn't say if it's a boy or a girl, but if it's a girl, you're teaching her that it's ok for her to let men beat on her, and if it's a boy, you're teaching him that it's ok to beat on the women in his life. Either way, BAD deal.

IF he wants help, he'll get it. If not, he won't. Regardless, you are under no obligation to stay there and let him use you as a punching bag. File for divorce, for your sake and your child's sake.

Answer 9

Keep your child close to you. Don't leave the child with your husband. Ever. Weird as it sounds, you could lose custody. Keep away from this husband. He doesn't deserve to live with anyone.
There is NO EXCUSE FOR VIOLENCE, whatever you have said or done, no excuse, don't blame yourself, you have the right to disagree with him. He does not have the right to hurt you. But be careful, now is the time to keep away.
You may find yourself wanting to go back to him and not knowing why. Trust me on this, stay clear of him, see the voice in yourself that tells you to go back as: the voice of a child who wonders what she has done wrong. Keep away from him, not for you kids sake, (though that is true as well), but for your sake.
Keep safe, keep alive.
Stay alive.
Good luck.

Answer 10

Look, don't use your kid for whatever you choose to do. If you want to stick it out with this guy, leave your child with your folks. It's going to only have an unhealthy reaction on his growth, so try to think of him in that sense. If your husband don't go get help for himself, then leave him along before things get farther out of control and you get hurt to an extreme. Regardless to what he promises, offer to go with him to the AA meetings before moving back with him. He'll only make you pay for leaving in the first place, and it will be worse than before. This is from experience, not hear say, be careful.