What's wrong with men?

Question

Seriously. Why are so many of them so insensitive? Is it the testosterone? Is it that they just don't have the same emotional capacity as women or is it because they're socialized to stifle or deny their feelings?

Sorry guys, it was a bad day for your gender...or rather, for me where they're concerned...

Jim to answer your question...I don't date men who treat me like s%*&. I gave that up in high school. I date men that appear to respect and love me. I say appear because they're on their best behaviour in the beginning then it starts to wear thin.

I find that men can be quite cold & unfeeling. Even someone who I thought was a sensitive, caring man has exhibited a cruel, heartless side that's troubling & makes me question whether a truly sensitive man exists. The only one I met was an alcoholic who was self-loathing & destroyed himself. It's like he couldn't bear to be emotional & had to destroy himself. He was so fragile. I thought his sensitivity was beautiful but he hated it about himself. He felt weak & felt like he was less of a man. He hated himself.

Is it possible to find a man who's confident but not cocky? Who's strong & sensitive? Who's intelligent but not arrogant? Who's caring, honest, loyal, funny, affectionate...?

I thought I'd found one...
Now I don't know...

Answer 1

The thing that you are missing is that men are afraid. It is scary to see your self as having to live up to the western male ideal.

Our society has set up illogical levels of perfection for both men and women that are unrealistic and dysfunctional.

You know how the magazine covers or the adds on tv set up an impossible air brushed ideal for women that cause young girls who are already perfect in their own way to starve themselves to death, or seek expensive and painful surgery to correct their so-called "flaws".

Men too have to deal with these types of nonsensical expectations. They are different from the ones women are faced with but they are no less scary and cause men to avoid the feminine or emotional aspect of their nature.

It is interesting to me that this term feminine aspect is even used. It is as though no real man would even have such a thing as an emotional side. Men struggle with these things just like women do but in different ways that are not always aparent to someone of another gender.

Just try to love them, even if you don't want to get that close to some of them. We are all here learning and trying to do our best. Guys are admitidly a lot slower at emotional maturation than women are. Just try to think of them as works in progress.

I might suggest that you look for an older guy who might be a lot closer to your level of emotional maturity. There are some really great ones out there.

Cheer up Amp, tomorrow is a new day.

Love and blessings Don

Answer 2

The things that men do is what makes us men...otherwise we would be women...
Your arguments starts with a bad premise and is then presented as a well established fact which can only lead to the two erroneous conclusions you stated.. Where are the 3rd or 4th options.
That capacity for emotional overflow that women love to point out as a virtue is in fact the cause of a womans problems in the world...trying to be sensitive to everybodys need etc. Inability to control your emotions is not a strenght, no matter how many times Oprah and Doc. Phil says it.
If guys were insensitive like you accuse us of being, then we wouldn't respond to your accussations.
I'm guessing that since you just had a bad experience with some guy..you are available now?..Tell me a little something about yourself..................

Answer 3

I think it is parenting. Many men are "socialized" to be this way, whereas women are "socialized" to think of others' feelings.

There are some very cold hearted women by the way, although I have never been in a relationship with a woman.

My mom said there was a study done that said that men do not make enough of the lovey-dovey, sensitive hormones that we do. ..So maybe there is a biological aspect....

What my mom, sister, friends, cousins and I have found is that it is like what all the dating/relationship books say is right: tell him what you want.

Before you get in a relationship (this after you have dated) say to him that you want say lots of kisses and hugs and for him to think about what you do before you do it.

But mostly, you must accept that men are men are men. There are sensitive men, but they might be sensitive to all women, not just you.

Don't expect them to give, love, and such like women. Find a man who is as sensitive as *posssible* and stick with him. Older men tend to be more sensitive from what I know and have heard...

Be your own best friend. Don't put your feelings into him doing little detail-oriented things that he probably won't remember to do, like remembering things or buying things by your love, as opposed to just saying stuff like "Girls like perfume so I will buy her some."

When you are in a wonderful relationship, get a romantic ideas book and give it to that man.

My fiance is romantic and kind, but he is a jerk about other things now so be glad.

Answer 4

Sorry to hear that you were dating a human being, we are all with our faults after all. I think the reason men come off as being insensitive is the social stigmata associated with emotional/sensitive men. I'd say that one of the largest problems comes from the opinions associated with crying. I personally cannot cry. I've talked with other people with the same problem, all of them men. I can be extremely upset, I can instinctively feel the need to cry, but I cannot cry.
Another reason for insensitivity could be an inability to relate. If you're going through your period, had a bad day at work, and the heel on your favorite shoes just broke, it'll be hard for a guy to really put himself in your position. Men do not have a period and they rarely wear heels. So your message is distorted, since peope usually omit things that they don't understand in a casual setting. What the man hears is something like:
I'm not feeling well- While he doesn't know the pain you're going through, chances are he'll understand that you're in an unpleasant situation
Had a bad day- He'll probably understand this but will probably lessen the value of this statement if he considers his job to be more of a challenge.
I need to buy a new pair of shoes- NOT ANOTHER PAIR! This involves a stigma associated with women in that they must be well-dressed. A man can get by with a minimal number of shoes but women (due to these social expectations) need more to remain socially acceptable.

Why? Is it the testosterone? Men who take steroids have been known to flip out with little provocation, so it is possible that there is a tie to testosterone and insensitivity since going crazy on someone is rather insensitive in my opinion. The problem with this is that men with norman levels of testosterone usually don't flip out any more than a woman would

Do men have an equal emotional capacity as women? No. A woman's maternal insticts give her more love and compassion than most men. This shows that women do have greater emotional capacity than men.

Are men socialized to stifle their feelings? Yes, see the first paragraph and various other answers to your post.

As for the apology to mankind. I don't mind, you're not the first one to post a question like this. What cracks me up is when men flip out on woman who is saying that men flip out a lot, isn't that kind of ironic? Good luck, I hope you find the right man and that he doesn't turn out to be gay/a prostitute who's just trying to make a buck/ a jerk!

Answer 5

Good lord woman!!! It's something you will never understand but here goes................."MEN ARE NOT WOMEN."
So you have part of the answer when you speak of testosterone. Apparently we men do have a great lack of oestrogen, but our bodies produce a vast amount of testosterone. This renders us to a perpetual state of "hunter/warrior" mentality.
It is true that we are "dumb effen jerks" but that does not mean we are savant idiots. It means that we are not capable of being a woman. I don't care how hard the effeminate boy tries to imitate a woman he just can't do it! He sets himself up for failure every day of his life.
Men who know that we are the hunter and the warrior will not try to take you off your pedestal. (yes we do that...put women on a pedestal justly or not we do it.) However; we will not try to climb up to the pedestal to stand by your side either.
You have to find a man that you can put up with for the rest of your life. In other words. Someone whose faults you can live with.
There is nothing wrong with men darlin. We're just a bunch of dumb effen jerks when it comes to women. That's all.

Answer 6

I think that (too) many men are emotionally unavailable because they were taught to be that way from a young age. Invalidating little boy's feelings (you're not upset, ther'es no reason to cry, come on that didn't hurt) teaches them that those feelings don't exist. Is it any wonder then that as men they can't reach their emotions to express them to women? I think it's sad and wrong to invalidate anyone's feelings, and I think all women should get conscious about how they're raising boys. After all, the little boy who is 'not allowed' to express his perfectly natural sadness is one day going to be a man searching for the love of a woman.

Answer 7

You hit the nail on the head with the third, socialized to stifle or deny their feelings.

Look at popular media. The hero doesn't feel pain of any kind, has no feelings for loved ones (if she cheats on me I will just get another), etc.

This sterotype stems from our culture (instead of the other way around). Men who show any feeling are considered weak, or even worse gay (for a strait man that is). During school, boys are taught by thier peers and role models that guys play hard, talk tough, have no feeling for thier fellow man and no feelings what so ever. And what is even worse is that at this age girls like that stuff about them. The 'bad boy' image as it where.

So it is ingrained from a very early age to be a surtain way. And when your not there are imediate consequences, social exile for one.

For us guys it is a case that we must UNLEARN all of these rules imposed by society at a young age before we can LEARN a better way to be.

As for myself I am trying to do so, it is hard but I will not be detered.

Hope this helps.

Answer 8

There are strong and sensitive men out there.
I found one, although i have to admit, i wasn't looking for that type.
I like the harder stronger type.. Men that can stand up and just ooze strenght.
I have to admit, alot of my friends as well as myself really cant say we know what we want in a man.
If anything we confuse them in our own ideas of what we want.

But i found a man that was strong in his own way. But also very sensitive and caring to me. I never thought it would be possible.
They are out there.. I cant say what to look for because i feel i just got lucky myself.

Although keep your chin up, I'm sure you will find one sooner or later.

Answer 9

there are alot of great guys out there too. I haven't found the right one yet though. I think for one thing to many woman allow guys to be like that and vise versa for men with woman that are like that. If nobody puts up with that kind of treatment it will stop because everybody desires to be with somebody. Be selective about who you date. If there is a line and you say don't cross and they do don't date them, of course those lines need to be drawn at reasonable limits as well.

Answer 10

I used to think in that way, but as time has gone by i have become more philosophical.
Now with more experience, i can see that there are good and bad in both sexes and there are plenty of insensitive men out there as well as wonderful kind ones. Its just up to us to sharpen our 'radar' and sift out the good from the bad!!