Will someone give me advice on this abusive relationship?

Question

My best friend is a 21yo female.
She is married to a 23 year old male who is an alcohlic, he abuses her, physically and mentally, he physically threatens her( with weapons I might add ), and the list ocntinues..

She has one kid with him, whom he doesn't care for.

He is in and out of jail for assalt charges (on her and her friends and other males).

And I recently found out that for the last few months he has been drugging her with ruphinol and rohypnol.

Nightly, they fight, and it normally ends with him being dragged away by cops and her bleeding, or them arguing until she quits and says "ok it was my fault"

What hurts me the most is that the next day she will have either blacked out or will forgive him like it never happened.

Answer 1

First of all I have read the above statements and some of them are very insensitive. I can't believe in this day and age that anyone would want you to turn the other cheek and leave your friend. Also blaming the victim is one of the worse things anyone can do. These people are appalling.
I would suggest either you or her find a local woman's abuse shelter. They can help her out financially and emotionally until she is up on her feet. Ultimately she needs to make the decision to leave but she does need support in order to feel strong enough to do so. If she has family I would ask her to talk to them (unless your close enough to talk to them for her) and find out if they will/can support her. If she's being drugged he should be arrested for that (and possibly rape, she should know that just because he's her husband it doesn't mean that the sex is consensual). She needs your support, especially if you're a close friend and I'm guessing you are since you know all the details. She needs to get out and she needs your help. Good luck.

Answer 2

The pattern you describe happens frequently in abusive relationships. It is hard to understand why people forgive but it is also to do with the power relaitonships and for e fear of what will happen if the relationshps ends.

It is very hard for the legal service to do things in many places if the wife does not lay charges.

the lady needs to seek professional help. There are many organizations that deal in this area, such as domestic violence counselors. Many places of womans refuges. Often the first step is to break the link to give the woman some time away to seek options and to be away from the abusive influence.

One should not forget it can be very very scary for the woman.

Answer 3

You need to take an active role here. Look up in your phone book for the number to the local women's abuse chapter or call you state's mental health department for referrals and phone numbers. then get ahold of your friend and say it is killing you not to mention its killing her but most important it may kill her kid emotionally to see all this happening. Give her the number and tell her you will drive her their once she calls them and they say she can come for help and a place to stay. That's what friends do on such a critical situation. Obviously the husband is not a man but a brute so you be a man and help this woman. Your reward will be knowing you made a difference in a kids life and got her mom back safely. Good Luck!

Answer 4

I agree with the last post. When in an abusive relationship the person needs as much support as possible. When you are abused you lose so much of your own self respect. You begin to believe all the degrading comments and start to believe you deserved it because you should have know better than to say what you did or didn't have dinner on the table on time. The abusers are people whom feel they have to have control. They are the ones with the problem of who they are. Because of their own lack of self worth they have to hurt people. As a friend all you can do is try to educate, support and encourage her to make a better life for herself and her child. There are shelters for abused women. Maybe getting her to go to one and finding out she isn't alone will help. The internet is the informational highway. Find a support group some where on line for her to chat to other women in your area that can help because they've experienced it. Just do what you can to help. If she doesn't accept your help at least you know you tried.

Answer 5

If he's drugging her, I wonder if he's raping her. Probably, she can get him thrown in jail on rape charges and then file for divorce. Of course, that's only if she stops being a dumb bint and crap mother because no good mother would stay in that situation if she can get out and you don't say anything about her financial situation, so to make it simple, I'll assume she can leave, but is too stupid to leave. I suggest you tell her to smarten up and call child protective services and get the child taken away from both parents. No one deserves that kind of idiocy growing up.

Answer 6

So sad. She probably does not forgive him but is threatened by him. Maybe she feels that she has no where to go that she will be protected from him. She is in a very difficult position. Maybe you could find some local agencies for her where they could give her and her child a safe place to stay along with legal and emotional help. Women in these circumstances do not stay there because they enjoy it, they stay because they don't know where to go or what to do. Please do what you can to help her.

Answer 7

You need to buy a felony amount of drugs and plant it somewhere in his car and then call the cops as an anonymous tip and have them pull him over and arrest him on felony charges so he will go to prison for a long time and she can escape.

Note: (disclaimer) the above is a joke and should not be taken literally.

Answer 8

theres really nothing you can do but try your best to be there for her.you cant make her leave its up to her to be strong and be able to stand up for herself by leaving.just keep telling her that she can find better and that she deserves better and also let her know that a guy like that can end up hurting more than she can imagine alot of women who stay end up dead hopefully that doesnt happen to her just try to open her eyes .plus she is most likely too scared to leave thats why she needs a friend to be there for as much as possible

Answer 9

story short mom was abused 5 kids all has a problem
1 in and out of jail you name she did it[gave up kids]
2 abuses kid cant hold job drugs 3 drugs [gives up]
4 eating disorder depressed
5 low self asteam drugs eating disorder
my mother stayed was it worth it for children

Answer 10

ok, best thing i can tell you is stay away from that train wreck

just walk away and don't bother with it, do not get sucked into a situation that is bad already and getting worse

there really is not much you can do for her and i seriously doubt that she would even want you to do anything for her

just walk away and don't look back