Crossdressing husband.....please help!!?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 5 years and I knew for a while that he liked to wear women's lingerie during sex. About a year ago he told me that it goes farther than that. I found out that he has been leading a sort of double life. He has been looking at several websites with CD men wearing women's lingerie and posed with their legs open, etc. He has also joined a lot of online groups for CD's. In order to save our marriage, I told him I was fine with it. Now we have a closet full of his CD clothes and 3 drawers full of his panties and lingerie. I feel like it is getting out of control. I don't know what to think anymore. Sometimes I wonder if he is gay and just doesn't want to tell me. I love him very much and just want my "guy" back. Last month I caught him IMing with another CD and talking about the things they could do together sexually. It made me sick!

Am I the only one experiencing this? Are there any groups that I can join that will help me deal with this?

Answer 1

I believe that your husband loves you and wants the marriage to succeed. The problem is his crossdressing can be a serious problem to the success of the marriage. Most crossdressers are heterosexual males who find that the experience releases neurotransmitters in his brain which produce a sensation of well-being, sexual gratification, pleasure/comfort and self-identity. Its a powerful sensation and the neurotransmitters are the same chemicals assoicated with addictive behavior. So assume he is addicted, and he is trying harder and harder to achieve his "high". The problem with the marriage is that this sexual behavior makes you into his "second" love, and you need to be placed back on the list as his "first" love.

So he needs to control his crossdressing, or it will control him, and ruin the marriage. Here are some suggestions:
See a good marriage counselor, and put the following restrictions on his crossdressing:
1. His crossdressing is private. Do not let him join or assoicate with any crossdressing organizations. They will only encourage him to crossdress more and more, until they convince him to have a sex-change.
2. His crossdressing is restricted to private situations.. Never in public, never before friends or family.
3. He can only crossdress in his own clothes - not yours.
4. He must use modesty and good taste in his crossdressing. Do not dress like a sexy whore.
5. His crossdressing is limited to one or two days a week. There's no need to play crossdress everyday.
6. You have to have a positive side to his crossdressing. So his crossdressing should be associated with doing something helpful for you, like cleaning the house, vacuuming, washing dishes, mopping and other household chores.
7. To the extent possible, he is to make a good faith effort to cut back on his crossdressing.
8. He can wear men's nylon pajamas and wear panties or a slip underneath so it doesn't show. It will still feel sensual.
9. Try limiting the crossdressing items he uses to his favorite items. If there are items that he doesn't enjoy as much (high heel shoes, bras, nylons, etc.) then eliminate these items from his crossdressing. Crossdressing can be reduced to a fetish.

Finally, remember that it is important to clebrate his malehood. He should enjoy being a man. Crossdressing is only a sensation in his brain. Have him celebrate his manliness too. Tell him how much you appreciate his manly side.

Answer 2

Your husband is a different type of person then you thought he was so therefore he lied from the very get go. If you do not like him doing those things then I suggest you leave. He is not going to change and if he tried he will end up doing it again. I will and nobody else will ever understand a person who is dealing with such a crisis. This may lead to be with a man not all cases end that way but if he is already talking to someone on the pc about sexual things then he is fantazing about being with another man. Right there that should be a big red flag to you. He could possibly be already having sex with men and can bring home an STD to you. If I were you yes you should get counceling however you should also get a divorce as well. Find a manly man someone who is for you he is not the one. Good luck!!!

Answer 3

Ach. Let me please think about this one. I just read this and it is like you just did a huge exhale and poured out your whole mountain of emotions at once!

In these politically correct doublespeak days, it is hard to discuss such things without being called to task and being punished. I try to work things out to common sense but honey, you do have a problem here. Do you have children? How old are you both? Does he abuse substances or alcohol?

How is communication before you? Er, does he have good taste or is it tawdry? That is a lot of money to be spending on a fetish. A lot. It is a tad beyond kinky to say the least.

You two need to have a very serious tete-a-tete. No holds barred. You need to know what is going on. Do not accept anything less than the truth. If your instinct is up, follow it. Just try not to let your emotions over run you. That is an easy thing to have happen when you have something so much at stake.

From personal experience with such things, and I have more than I would care to admit, I have seen that these are almost always one way journeys. The woman is left behind as he finds his "true self". Some argue that sexual chatting is "just fantasy" but really, is it? It is still intent and a form of adultery. At least that is my antique take on things. But he goes beyond adultery, he goes to adultery with a man in a particularly kinky fashion.

I was once faced with a situation that was similar but did not include the CD but another aspect of deviant sexuality with a serious lover. I ended it immediately. His explanation was, "Men are for a fast f&*k but women are for long term relationships." Sorry but I didn't buy it. That was in 1977. I still don't.

I have a feeling that this has been going on for much longer than you thought. There is a huge percentage of men who pursue lives their wives do not have a clue about. You have no idea. If he has even cheated once, you still enter the marital bed not knowing and are being put to risk. This is true of any sexual behaviour outside of a relationship.

"What you don't know cannot hurt you" is not applicable to relationships any more.

Answer 4

Yes you can join the group of formerly married women and deal with your self esteem issues. It is very unlikely that he will go back to being guy that you loved. If he is chatting guys up on line at a time when he could be caught by you.... what do you think he is doing when you are not around. Get a spine and a really really good attorney.

Answer 5

Seems like his CD interests are a big and growing part of his life. Sexual changes and evolution in a person are just as likely as changes in any other part of their lives, although the intmate nature of these changes gives them a potent impact on a spouse. If you love him, talk to him. Encourage him to explore ideas with you. IM or other net communication is a 'safe' place for him to this, and you should try to make such discussion easier between the two of you if you don't want him to keep the 'secret' to himself and online pals.

Answer 6

Your husband sounds as though he is crossing the line into bisexuality. If you have been sickened up to this point, it will probably get a whole lot worse. You might want to contact your family doctor for a referral for some counseling if you are going to stay in your marriage.

Answer 7

Good for you honey for stepping up to the plate and trying to keep the marriage together. You stood by him and tried to make it work; but sounds to me like this won't get better, it'll only get worse over time. You have to decide if you can live like this or not. Cross dressing or not, if my guy was looking at that kind of "porn" there'd be hell to pay.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Wow. If you're scared of what you might hear if you sit down and really talk to him about this, then perhaps you should consider a couples therapy of sorts. A professional. They're used to helping "save marriages" every day. I know it sounds cheesey, but....you ought to consider it.

Answer 9

HI HONEY, NO NEED TO JOIN A GROUPE, HERE WHAT YOU DO. DRUG HIM AND DRESS HIM IN PANTYHOSE BRA AND HIGH HEELS, THEN LOAD HIM A S S UP IN THE SUV AND DRIVE TO YOU LOCAL HOOD. ONCE YOU GET THERE FIND SOME DISEASED N E G R O CRACKHEADS AND PAY THEM 2.83 EACH TO TAKE TURNS F U C K I N G AND ABUSING HIM SMELLY A S S HOLE TILL IT IS SO WHACKED OUT OF SHAPE THAT HE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE A DUMP FOR 37 DAYS, THEN HE RETURN TO NORMAL AND YOU WILL HAVE ROOM IN YOUR DRESSER DRAWERS AND CLOSET FOR SOME NEW SEXY CLOTHES, THEN YOU START GOING OUT AND GET LUCKY WIT YOUR NEW WARDROBE...GOOD LUCK, THIS WILL WORK.

Answer 10

Um, I don't know about this one. Only opinion I have is that he will eventually want the operation or he can remain a she male.

That would be up to you how you want to continue but I see a divorce in your future. Sorry to say that but you asked...