How can you tell your husband that commit adultery that's its over?? no funny comment please?

Question

My turn, all i have been doing is answer some question here,now why most men that commit adultery still trying to come back to their wifes, even though that theres nothing there anymore?..Is it that they'r sorry or because they got caught?....I do know about my situation and the answer but let's be serious here.why??

Like what I said yesterday,people will jump into what they think it coast it, but to
"Ms. Jacky's" comment,let me just tell you that after 22 long years with all of my unconditional love,affection,passion,trust
and respect he never showed me those back.He saw me as his wife and become the mother of his 3 children,and most was HE never there for me when it's me that needed him, in short I put aside my longing because I loved him,then last year finally I lost my hopes that he will never really looked at me as his ideal woman that I thought I was in his eyes,so I asked him WHY,that's when he went to a christian dating site and looked for a friend and lied about who he is. He met a few womens friend and saw 1 particular woman,(who's also married).For 2 months they become close friends,they talked on the phone 24/7 and had the affairs.Don't go asking about sex life cause for a man he does not know how to please..does this answer the question that you all have??

Last but not the least,he told me in my face that he have deep feelings for this woman,that I never thought he will say to me after the years that I devoted me life to him. He ruined my kids future and life.
Last December when I caught him,I asked him why,for a while all he did was lied to me,then finally he said that he was confuse,not thinking right?He uses the the church,because both of them are christian,uses the place that we took my kids to have fun,restaurant that we always go to,and now I can't allow my kids to go there anymore because of his lust.
Then the woman started to harassing me,told me the he doesn't love me anymore and it was her that he loves now,and they have plans,thats when I decided to get something against his wh##e,poor man he never thought that the woman he depended to me was not who she is,won't admit that they commit adultery,she's unstable thats why her husband file for a divorce.And this is when I told him that I don't have it anymore,begging start.

Answer 1

I hear ya!! I am going through the same thing. Stand your ground!!! Its painful and its a total mind game but stand your ground! I had 19 yrs invested in this man..we have 4 kids between us. Cheating is a deal breaker!!! Once a cheater and liar ...always a cheater and liar. I know if I took him back I would be wondering all the time where he is and who he is with. That is no way to live. I rather be alone then to deal with that. Tell him flat out...he blew it. There is no going back and he needs to move on. Good luck to you!!

Answer 2

How old are we talking about? What was the reason for the cheating? My guess, is that you define cheating as sleeping with another woman.

Cheating is not necessarily a 1 way street. Its just a symptom of a problem. Just like verbal/mental abuse, lack of passion, etc. Also, if you ignore your spouse's desires (massage, hobbies, coffee, whatever), they will sooner or later scratch that itch somehow.

I have a friend that simply does not have the skills to keep men. If the men did not break up with her first, they would cheat on her.

Presently, I don't judge 25yr old cheaters any harsher than 15yr old cheaters. It takes time for folks to figure out that commitment is not about sex. The young ones get so caught up with sex, that fail to have any connection with their spouse other than sex.

A young woman will be getting married this fall. The top thought of her mind is how she will be virgin when she will be married. She is so proud of that. However, asking them the top 5 hobbies, desires, wishes or even likes/dislikes, just draw a blank from them. Some responses are beyond the overused 'he makes me laugh'. 'she is cute'.
Might as well be an arranged marriage. If the pros, decide it will last alot longer. (yes, arranged marriages are not that rare in the US)

Answer 3

Who knows the exact reason as to why people find it necessary to be unfaithful to their spouses. Whether it be for emotional or sexual reasons I guess it doesn't really matter. I suspect that there would be many marriages saved if the lines of communications had not broken down. This doesn't mean that both parties are guilty of this. One person refusing to discuss problems that are affecting the both of you is enough to start the relationship into a downward spiral until you're in such a tailspin that you can't pull up and get back on track.
So...in your particular case regardless of the reasons he apparently decided that this fling would be the answer to all or one of whatever his problems were. Of course when things don't pan out and the grass isn't found to be as green as believed on the other side of the fence then people will drift back to what they realize they were comfortable with. They want to go back to the security that the original relationship had. Of course, security and comfort aren't something that just happens the moment you marry. It takes years to establish this. But its alittle late to see the light at this juncture.
So the return to the wife with tail between the legs and hope that you can manage to recoup some or all of what you had before. Its rather funny that we have a tendency at times to put one thing to the forefront, like a sexual affair, while taking all of your assets that you've achieved in a 25 year marriage. Love, trust, your financial and moral assets are used like poker chips and pushing them all out onto the table just to run the risk of losing them to something as foolhardy as that.
I guess that the only thiong you can do is open that line of communication and tell him exactly where he stands in the grand scheme of things. If you have made up your mind that this is the end of it then tell him directly. There isn't any way of making it easy. Of course after 25 years of marriage are you sure this is the track you want to take? Not knowing how deeply you were wronged would be a factor but I'd recommend that before you pull the plug you make absolutely sure this is what you want. Hard as it may be don't let your emotions rule your actions.

Answer 4

Actually, your statement was the closest answer, the ex's are sorry they got caught, not sorry for what they did. They cheated because they thought they would get away with it and when they didn't it was too late to make mends. They want their wives back (if they leave), because they know that they will never find anyone who loves, cares, will take care of them like they had over the time they had been together. Only, they didn't want to hear that the grass is not always greener on the other side, or they wouldn't have cheated.

Answer 5

Well if you are absolutely sure that it is over and that there is no way that you could forgive him ........leave or ask him to leave. I think some men who commit adultery are truly sorry and some are sorry that they go caught. Anyways the best thing to do is just separate if the marriage is over, move on. Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

What do you mean how do you tell him its over? You say I want a divorce. Pack your sh*t and get out!!!! Then you go to the court house and file for the divorce. Its a simple process. Yes, it can be painful (for some) but the reality is you can't trust this person and he is seeing someone else. ITS OVER!!

Answer 7

Honest answer: They recognized that to commit adultery; was a big mistake,and they are trying to fix the broken marriage.

Answer 8

It is a combination of both. Just tell him plain and simple NO I do not want you back in my life because he chose to break off the marriage.

Answer 9

When a person who cheated (male or female) comes back to their spouse and wants another chance, it's usually because the one that they cheated with has dumped them. The thrill is over for them once that person is theirs and they don't have to hide anymore.

Answer 10

i believe they try to come back because all was not well in paradise, she was not all he thought she was, so he wants to come back home, where theres less drama and troubles, but unfortunately the damage has already been done, and no one can ever put the marriage back together like it use to be. they are eventually sorry but its just too late to come back home again.