Are there any women out there that had an affair with a married man and he left his wife for you?

Question

Seven years ago I started dating a married man. (any critics, myob) we were together about four years when I dumped him for someone else. I didn't see him for three years and recently started seeing him again. He always tried to talk to me about him leaving his wife, but I wouldn't have the conversation with him because I was too scared to I guess? He spends the night with me 3-4 nights a week, she has to know! Anyway, lately he has started talking about how bad it is at home, and again, I have not really engaged in a converstaion about it with him, and I think he is not really sure if I want more than what we have now...however, I think if he knew how I felt about him, he might actually leave her for me, but if he didn't, I couldn't see him any more. So, should I take his baite and have the talk, do I stand a chance? Did you ask him to leave her for you or did he do it on his own.

Answer 1

Honey, if he wanted to leave his wife he would of done that several years ago. There must be some reason he is still with her. He may want the both of you I am not saying he doesn't but I would bet that if it came down to you or her he would probably pick his wife. It sounds like he keeps you in the balance for the days he is having a bad time. Also consider that if he would do this to his wife why wouldn't he do it to you. Best of luck to you. I sure there are plenty of unmarried men that would love to love you.

Answer 2

I'm embarrassed to say that I did many years ago when I was younger. I did not ask him to leave his wife. He just showed up at my door one night and announced that he left his wife and that he was ready to move in with me.

It was all down hill from there. I actually was foolish enough to marry him. I was young and stupid. The truth is that once the thrill of not having to sneak around and not worrying about being caught was gone, he was just another man in my eyes. The marriage lasted for 3 years. I figured that I had said "I do", so I had better at least try.

It was all a big mistake. Which is why, after him and I divorced, I decided that I would never cheat or date a married man again.

Answer 3

When I was really young I dated a married guy. He was using me. He used to talk about how much he wanted a divorce and how horrible things were and how bad their sex life was. I fell for it. He was just trying to make me feel sorry enough for him to stay with him even though I knew it was wrong. It helped me to justify it. He was unhappy at home and probably onthe verge of divorce so there was nothing wrong. Unfortunately, he never did leave his wife, and even told me later that he'd never give up everything for a 20 year old piece of @ss. I found out later that he'd cheated on his wife at least 2 other times with different women, and told them the same thing. It hurt, but I realized that if he really did love me and respect women the way he should've, he would've ended his supposed "bad" marriage the legal and ethical way and then pursued a relationship with me. If he's still with his wife after 7 years he's probably not going to divorce her and you're probably not the only person he's cheated with. I'd end things with him either way.

Answer 4

When I was single, a married man asked me out. I told him that I considered it an insult. And don't bother me again. You say that he tells you that things are bad at home. Could it be because he's sleeping away from home 3-4 nights a week? You both really belong together. He could spend 3 or 4 nights away from your home and you could spend 3 or 4 nights away with someone else. And his wife now could find someone who knows how to really love his wife.

A sensible critic

Answer 5

Hi. I'm not going to criticize you. I know you've gotten enough of that tonight. But, I would like to help you see something in a different light. I am saying this in a very kind way towards you because I don't judge people....this is just my opinion about what may be going on in his mind:

Sounds like you really like this guy, if not love him. Sounds like you really want things to work out between you two. He's probably telling you that he and his wife's sex life is dead and that they never talk anymore....and telling you that they've grown apart. Well, that is typical talk of a man that had a perfectly normal mature relationship when up pops another woman that excites him. Then all of a sudden that perfectly normal relationship is bad, sex is bad and they have nothing in common so he's telling you.

But, In reality, he is comfortable with where he is. He is really probably comfortable in his dull marriage. He doesn't want to leave her because she is his security blanket. He is used to her and being married to her makes him feel secure. They have probably accumulated alot of material things together, been through alot together, may have even had children together, and he may be afraid to give up this mature relationship....no matter how dull it may seem to him right now. After all, how does he know that things will work out with you? Then his security blanket will be gone and you will too!

If you are seeing him all that you want...why mess it up? I really hate it for his wife though. I know how hurtful it can be to find out about a cheating spouse.

Good Luck to you and I hope things work out for the best. As a Christian though, I would like to remind you that God doesn't want us to commit adultry. You already know that so I'm not going to say anymore about it.....I just feel compelled to add that in since I feel it's my duty as a Christian to educate.

Thanks for readying my answer!

Answer 6

You will probably think this harsh but your question about others isn't pertinent. Because situations are different, but more importantly someone in your position should really only pursue one avenue once you have committed adultery with him. Since you have already taken that step we won't address that now but what is, in fact your best course now? He loves you?....You love him? He will leave his wife for you? ok...then here is what you do...have the talk with him and spell out conditions he must follow and you will see his true colors. Tell him you love him and hopefully he will profess the same for you and then tell him to go home and leave his wife, file for divorce and once the divorce decree is final then look you up and then....then and only then, will you sleep with him again and maybe get married. Don't continue this whole married man thing....Lets see if he is true to his word about leaving his wife for you but lets do it fairly ...without you having any sexual contact with him. Ohhhhhh yeah.....then after he does all that then I forgot.......you will have a huge decision to make won't you. Should I really marry a man that just finished committing adultery with his wife. Could he possibly repeat that behavior with me once I have invested emotionally in him and married him? Now I have written alot here but there......there is something for you to think about....Good Luck!

Answer 7

is it possible you dont want to have that conversation because maybe you dont want him to leave? i had a pretty serious affair with a married man many years ago before i met my husband it happened after a bad breakup from a 4 yr engagement. i was lonely and wanted someone but at the time the idea of having to commit was scary to me so when he started showing he wanted me i went for it in retrospect i still know i loved him but i knew it would never be able to get too serious so it was "safe" at least until i was ready to commit again then i knew it was time to move on from him and on to someone who actually could offer me a future

now i cant believe my self esteem was ever so low that i would be willing to "share" a man with anyone and i realize what a huge mistake it was and pray to god my husband is a better man than that one was i feel bad for his wife but at the same time i know if it hadnt been me he would have cheated on her with someone else

even if he does leave her how can you ever completely trust him knowing that he thinks it is ok to step outside the maeeiage if things are bad at home?

Answer 8

My first husband cheated on me...I ended the marriage...1 year later he came back to our hometown trying to get me to take him back...only he had started seeing this woman again.

Suddenly it was me that was the other woman? What a coincidence...I did NOT give in at all but for 3 months he made her keep "quiet" about their relationship while he struggled to see if he could get me back. It didn't happen.

When I finally told him "you really need to give it up" he came public with their relationship. What a shock. I had already known about it for months...he is now married to her. And she gives him Hell all the time. Why? 1-she was his mistress. if he cheated on me with her he will cheat on her with whoever. 2-he and I have 2 kids and she cannot stand that I occasionally have to speak with him about them.

I didn't want him then and SURE don't want him NOW...but she'll never get over it. Chances are you won't either.

Get some decency and self respect and tell him "It's over. I'm not going to play this game anymore. It's wrong. If your marriage doesn't work out give me a call. Otherwise, stay away from me."

Answer 9

Oh HE*L no I gave him an aultimatium..Her or me..He was 22 yrs older then myself and I was 19 at the time..He was good looking great job and he was an alcoholic.. He started dating me and I didnt even know he was married he was one of my moms friends, (I am 42 now).. Long time ago.. anyways, He did leave her for me, and divorced her, I put up with his cheating on me, his drunken rages, his going back and forth, he would tell me Oh that picture was taken years ago at my X wifes house, on Thanksgiving, then on a closer look...hummm...he was wearing a shirt "I BOUGHT HIM"...no no no..dont lie to me, we went back and forth for 5 yrs till I said enough was enough, I Loved him alot but I just couldnt have him running back to her everytime things got tough.. So I left him.. He did marry a woman not me or his X..a different woman and then he died of colon cancer... humm.. If he leaves his wife it will be a miracle, especially if they have been together for a long time, Id call his bluff because if things were that bad at home why didnt he leave before you came back into the picture. I think hes playing a game to be in your bed. Just my opinion.

Answer 10

If he cared about you he wouldn't still be married...get a clue! 7 years later and he is still married...he is still there for a reason! Affairs are just that! I don't care how long it lasts...he is never leaving his wife for you....if by chance he leaves his wife..its not for you...because he will only cheat on you. Get some self confidence and get a man who isn't devoted through god to someone else!