My wife had a low sex drive for eight years before this happened. The last time we had sex was four months ago. When we dated she was practically a nymphomaniac. I have tried everything, but the spark won't return. Everything else in our relationship is very good. We are good friends. We are on the same page in how we raise our kids. We both contribute in keeping the house going. How long should I hold on? I love her, but I cannot live like this forever. I need a complete marriage.
2007-03-15 16:19:42 · 40 answers · asked by oaktree9900 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sex is not important to everyone the same way. Lack of sex doe not necessarily mean the end of marriage. The big problem is when there is a huge gap between the sexual needs of the partners. There can be a hundred reasons why a person does not want sex, some simple, some complex some sad.
Now having said this many marriages do flounder and stop because the sexual needs of a partner could not be met. If your marriage hinges on this- then you need to look at solutions first. Talk to sex counselors. Talk to the doctor, get marriage counselling. Research reading material (not the blue kind) For example. Esther Perel -Mating in Captivity has a book that deals with this area of reviving sex in long term relationships.
2007-03-15 23:43:30 · answer #1 · answered by kenny 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what your saying.Because she has a problem with her sex drive certainly dosen't mean you have to do her in.What if the shoe were on the other foot would you want her to ditch you and look for another man.There are so many, many reasons why a sex drive goes dead.It's not because she turned away from you it seems she may have an ailment or she maybe too tired .She could be depressed and not wanting to tell you.And then again maybe she has a dry period in her life use gels if that's the case.You just don't pick up and go because she has a sex problem as sex isn't all there is in life to live for as far as you go maybe you can buy a toy for to relieve built up pressure,Sinse sex is only a satisfaction I'm sure there are ways to satisfie yourself without breaking the heart of the one who loves you if she does.Your saying you love her ,I can't and I won't believe that for a minute.If you loved her you wouldn't be on here giving this story as a self pity.If you were married that long maybe going to a doctor will help you both out and if not sit down and talk about it as maybe the things your trying may not be turning her on.My guess is she could be going through the change of life and don't be upset over it as you will go through some changes as well. A low sex life means there is something wrong which is ailing her and she should go to a doctor,Maybe you should go with her. Good Luck.But she isn't the only woman with this problem and it will come back.but you have to be a little more patient than just dropping her like a hot potato.There are sex theripist to help with this as well.seek them out.Maybe she's too shy.
2007-03-15 16:50:09 · answer #2 · answered by kipdawneast 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this is probably the millionth time you hear this, but I'm still going to say it again just for emphasis; she is not worth it. The fact that you gave her an opportunity to confess prior and she didn't take it up just goes to show how unwilling she was to fix the situation. I would highly recommend to end the marriage and move on. I know it will hurt but you don't deserve this. You deserve better, much better. I can't believe there are people like this out there I mean come on, 6 months after you guys married? That is downright shameful and not to mention disgusting. She didn't think of the consequences and for that she should pay. Well I hope you really think this through and I wish you the best.
2016-03-29 00:38:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH ! Please seek counseling. I hear your pain and I feel it.
I was once there, and that is what saved my marriage.
My husband never felt he had a problem. He didn't, cause he had little if any sex drive, from day one of our marriage.
Years down the road I had him seek out the best Dr's. plus the counseling. He didn't even know cuddling, etc.. I sure did want to change him. We where so opposite. Personalities too, I was out going, loved country music & dancing to it, and he like big band and dancing to that. Our marriage was a mess and we married way to quick after we had met in school 10 yrs. before. He was in the U.S Navy when we got married and made a career of it.~~~~~~
It is my bedtime so I will make this brief.~~This could be long.
Your wife must realize your need. She needs to put some effort forth. You two must communacate and explain your needs to each other. Maybe writing a letter would be a good way to get your point across to each other.~~~~
My marriage has been wonderful and we have 5 happily married grown children and will be married 54 yrs.on April 6.
God has truly blessed our lives and he will bless your too. Please seek his guidance and I'll pray for you tonight~~~Jill
2007-03-15 17:02:53 · answer #4 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There could be a lot of factors:
Did you hurt her that she can't be with you?
Did she do something that she can't be with you?
Is she a lesbian?
Is she cheating on you?
Is she depressed?
Is she still attracted to you, want you, love you?
Is she low in testosterone (the only thing that makes women want sex)?
Do you not please her?
Does she know what sex is? I mean real pleasure?
Is she stressed, overwhelmed, ill?
There is just so much. You really need to seek counseling with her. Tell her how you feel. Ask her if you can help her with anything. I respect that you are faithful to her and she needs that. Just be there for her and help her. There is something underneath it all. Ask yourself all those questions and eliminate what you know doesn't exist. OR, ask her these questions. See if she'll open up to you. Women are alot different than Men. It is easier to assume that a man is cheating but not a woman. Women just go through so much emotional, physical and mental situations and changes. It's safe to look into all of these before breaking it off. You would rather know that you did your best than just give up. Well, Good luck!
2007-03-15 16:34:48 · answer #5 · answered by Mir3lla 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No you marriage is not over. However, you need to discuss maybe what she is not getting emotionally from the relationship - that can have something to do with her sex drive. Babies to small children also reduce the sex drive because all the emotions and attachment are to protect and love her child.
If you are good friends and on the same page - don't give that up because of the sex issue. Sounds like you have what it takes to keep it going...so just talk to her as your friend, lover - confide to her the problem and what you can do to make her more involved in that aspect in your life.
Good Luck!
2007-03-15 16:25:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Not all women have high sex drive or can maintain it as they age especially when their hormone levels changes. Women (when become mother) generally more focus on her children and these changes their emotional focus. It may be bcoz she is too busy with work & raising the children that change the mood for sex.
Try to go on private holidays without kids, having romantic dinners, sweet talks about sweet memories in the past, heart to heart talks with her, it may return the sparks
No sex in marriage doesn't mean the marriage is over. Love is not just about sex.
2007-03-15 16:42:38 · answer #7 · answered by ReDevil 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You ask how long should you hold on? I can already see that you think this is all about you only. Its like you are suggesting "put out or get out". sheesh......Your spark needs to be refueled by communication between EACH other on how you feel about this matter.
Some good old fashion quiet talks alone can really spark up the moment. tease her, make her want it. Whisper in her ears, nibble her neck ...SHOW HER HOW SHE MAKES YOU FEEL. Have you ever given it a thought that Maybe she is yearning for the same thing??
2007-03-15 16:38:22 · answer #8 · answered by okie gal 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Have you tried romancing her? Take her to a nice dinner. Give her a massage my candlelight. Make her a cd of songs that let her know how much you love her. Tell her how much you love her. Maybe she feels neglected in one way or another. Are you usually considerate of her feelings? Do you listen to her concerns? Do you help her when she is tired or overworked?
Just throwing some ideas out there. Good luck! I hope you find the thing that brings the spark back.
2007-03-15 16:28:28 · answer #9 · answered by Manny 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
there is a saying for what your going through and it was in my psychology class and of course i forgot, most married couples start this after seven years some say it is four but it is natural and if it is bothering you it should be addressed and both of you need to come to a compromise and meet in the middle of how often and when, i know some people will say you need to spice up your sex drive and do this and that but that is not what is going on eventually you will do this and then what? it will lead down the same road
2007-03-15 16:26:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋