Why do Long Term Marriages 15 years or more fall apart?

Question

What are your own experiences or your friends?

Answer 1

Here are some of the reasons that I can think of, but these are just my own opinions.

1) Midlife crisis causes one or the other person to stray in the marriage and have an affair. Affairs usually happen because the person having the affair was not getting something they needed in the marriage.
2) Sex becomes boring
3) The marriage becomes complacent. The two people stop working at making the marriage a good one.
4) At this point, they are often dealing with teens in the house, which adds a whole new dimension of problems.

Answer 2

I think that happens more when the couple is very young when they got married. More often than not, they have just grown in different ways and are different people when they mature....2 who would probably not have married had they met when they were older. One man I know married right out of high school, has been with this woman for 26 years, raised 3 kids. Now the youngest is getting ready to leave home and they have nothing in common. I don't know how that marriage will survive.

Answer 3

There are many different reasons, of course, but apart from cheating, the reason I've seen the most is that the couple grew apart until they reached the point where they were just basically roommates, which happened because they didn't nurture the marriage. And, most of them actually ended up remaining friends (or at least friendly/civil toward each other) after getting divorced.

Answer 4

The old people say: if you quarrel alot during your dating/courtship periods, it's a clear reminder that you shouldn't proceed to marriage. You are supposed to be loving and exicted and caring for each other during dating, because all these things will change after marriage. Often after marriage, couple will focus more on other issues like financial for the family, bringing up a child other than maintaining romantism with . It will then lead to boredom & taking granted of each other. I strongly believe that compatibility is the main focus of a happy marriage (not love). Marriage is about commitment and happy to live each other for the rest of lives, therefore, a couple not only lovers to each other, but also best friends, sharing the same life views & purposes.

Incompatibility & different life purpose, is the main issue of divorce.

Answer 5

Generally, couples who are into their 15+ yrs of marriage are in their 40s. That's when mid-life crisis kicks in. A successful man wants some extra excitement and his wife wants to feel younger, thinner, sexier, etc. Less successful people at that age feel frustrated about their lackluster lifestyle and want to blame their spouses and start over.

People of that age group wonder if they want to live their next 2 decades the same as the previous 2. If not, time for a big change.

Answer 6

I had 19 yrs before it fell apart and in my experience its several things...lack of communication and growing apart. We got married really young..I was 19. Now he is 41 and I am 39 and we are totally different people. Also he didn't have the desire to put in the extra work it would take to fix this marriage. He took the easy "mid-life crisis" way out...

Answer 7

In my experience, even marriages that have lasted less than five years will fall apart if there is a lack of communication...and not just "hi honey, how was your day". No, it's got to be more direct & emotional...about feelings & vulnerabilities & support for one another. We're consumed by our computers (see...like right now)...television, work, kids, etc. & don't focus enough attention of the partner we chose for better or worse.

In short, the answer is : Lack of communication.

Answer 8

This is such a good question! My Parents were such a great example of true love, hard work, and commitment and as a kid they would embarass me by holding hands and skipping down the street. But as I got older I wanted what they had so much I got married on their wedding anniversary, thinking it must have been some good Omen or Karma that they stayed together when nearly all of my friends parents were divorced. When my son's girlfriend got pregnant and they said they wanted to get married and that date was just days away so they got married on our anniversary. We had plans to celebrate them each year together but the first year we were fighting, hubby went to dinner but I didn't. Daughter in law was mad the next year and so on and so on, I think we managed to celebrate our anniversaries ALL together maybe one time. I have been married for 24 years now but for the last 6 years sleeping in the spare bedroom waiting to finally end it. My son has been married 14 years and he now lives in their garage. My parents are gone but before Mom died I told her how sorry I was that we wrecked their special date and she said "You didn't wreck ours" They were together 67 years. They could answer eachothers questions before they were asked, because they took the time to truly know one another and pay attention and care about the others needs. Stubborn Pride and selfishness and the fact that we were just never friends first is what ruined my marriage. I think we loved eachother but maybe not liked eachother at all. Most of you are right, when the kids are grown up you find yourself left with a total stranger not wanting any of the same things in life. It's sad but some people are just not good for one another.

Answer 9

my parents have been married for 40 years 5 while my dad was in the navy & gone for at least 6 months out of the year. My dad's parents were married for 71 years before my grandpa died at 93 & 5 were while he was in WW2 & the army. My mom's mother never dated or remarried after my mom's father died in ww2. Marriages are what the people in them make of them I know people who make it less then a few years & others like who make it much longer then 15 years. There are tough times in any relationship of any period of time don't make excuses find a solution. A friend of mine was with his girlfriend for 7 years got married & they lasted 6 months having lived together 5 years before that. Again it's what the people involved make of it....

Answer 10

I think it's because when you get married you both have career dreams, building a family, getting a home etc. By 15 years most people have achieved those goals and haven't thought about what's next......or they haven't ,and figured maybe they would have if it wasn't for their spouse and blame them. So many have lost communication by all the things they've been doing that it seems easier to have a fresh start than to work on their marraige.