Disembodied souls whisper vile words to me,
How to eradicate my life and suppress my misery.
They vividly recount their painful lives,
And state how immediately the distress would subside.
A bullet in the chamber, the barrel in my mouth,
From three to zero I begin to count.
Again in my head I play the words of their song,
Hoping inside my actions won't be wrong.
The count reaches zero, the bullet hasn't come,
I try again to pull the trigger but my hand is frozem, numb.
I wait for my life to flash before my eyes,
I think to myself, I just want to die.
From my mouth I remove the barrel of the gun,
Ashamed of myself for the damage I could have done.
I block out the voices from within my head,
Ashamed of them too, for all they have said.
I remove the ammunition and toss it to the side,
Glad I couldn't pull the trigger, Glad I didn't just die.
I lay on my bed and watch outside, at the rain,
And try to think of another way to relieve my pain.
The cause of my pain, I can't get you from my head,
I still can't believe it, that you are gone, that you are dead.
I see your smiling face suddenly appear before my eyes,
Before I knew it, i began to release my pain, I began to cry.
You were my friend, my lover, forever I will miss you,
And the sound of your voice that could turn around my days so blue.
Your memory will always remain with me,
Your friend, your lover, your forever to be.
2007-03-15 16:01:59 · 11 answers · asked by ? 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
This is great, not emo. Labels suck balls. Too long? Too short in my opinion. This really is greatly written and doesn't sound recycled so I commend you. Post more indeed.
2007-03-15 18:37:04 · answer #1 · answered by Marius , II 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm glad you made the right choice at the end. Death isn't the answer.
It's a good poem except there's a bit of problems with the flow in the lines:
From my mouth I remove the barrel of the gun,
Ashamed of myself for the damage I could have done.
maybe in this line, cut out the "myself for".
Keep writing, and if this poem is true, make sure you get the help you need to help you through the pain.
2007-03-15 23:13:10 · answer #2 · answered by jo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is pretty good. Some lines are a little long. Just one question though, what caused the change after 3rd stanza? I thought the person was intially influenced by a song heard maybe on the radio. Did a happier song come on to cause the change of spirit?
2007-03-15 23:45:28 · answer #3 · answered by TBAR 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Awesome Poem! I give it 10 out of 10.
2007-03-15 23:04:20 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
too long and boring short and sweet. How sorry is your life that you have to think about suicide to become an Emo. Damn why can't kids be normal and have a part time job instead of writing about suicide. Get some help
2007-03-15 23:04:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
this is really sad and moving. I can't help but feel the pain and sorrow. this is really good writing, you should post more stuff.
2007-03-15 23:13:27 · answer #6 · answered by mrkramer5 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice emo song
2007-03-15 23:04:56 · answer #7 · answered by Sasuki 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Pretty good, appropriate for lyrics to one of those "rock ballads" or something.
2007-03-15 23:06:04 · answer #8 · answered by nondescript 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that was the best one i have heard in a while you should try to get that published
2007-03-15 23:07:58 · answer #9 · answered by NinjaJJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alot to think about but i give it a thumbs up....:)
2007-03-15 23:05:32 · answer #10 · answered by kows4sale 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋