how can I have a relationship with my mother?

Question

My mother is manic depressive and pyschotic, meaning diagnosed with those disorders.

She raised me well and and strictly. But besides keeping me as in line as best she could, there was really no nuturing relationship.

Everything she says is negative or posioned by her paranoia.

She wants to talk with me more and more lately even though we used to go for weeks without talking. There's nothing to say though.

She wants me to visit her, but I don't have the time or patience to deal with her.

Besides, there's nothing to talk about. She's buliemic so she doesn't eat out. She doesn't do anything mother/daughter like and never has.

I love her and hear the pain in her voice when she wants to talk with me. But she has nothing to say really. Because she doesn't live an everyday life, she doesn't understand mine.

What should I do? I love her and want her to be happy with our relationship, but she's never happy with anything anyway.

Answer 1

I love my Mom beasue she gave birth to me
I dont like her as a human being
i leave her alone as much as possible due to her cruelty towards me my entire life

Answer 2

This isn't something in which I can say "take her out to an amusement park" or "rent a movie with her." This is something that might need family therapy, if you are really serious about getting closer to your mom.

One thing you could do is start writing her letters in your free time, and dropping them off at her house (or mailing them, whichever.) You can write about anything, like how your day went, or what you have opinions on, and ask her to do the same. Letters tend to be a lot more personal than speaking to someone face to face.

Good luck with your mom.

Answer 3

If you want her to be happy with your relationship please visit her. Remember that she is a sick person and it is not her fault. If she is miserable it is because of her brain malfunction. It is not her fault. She raised you well in spite of her sickness. Be grateful for that. She lives in her own world because she's sick. She never did anything to hurt you on purpose. She misses you. Can you find some goodness in your heart and spend some time with her without any expectation of her understanding you? She is probably not capable of understanding you. She's sick and it's not her fault. Bring her a bunch of flowers, tell her what is going on in your life, if you really love her tell her that. Maybe she will appreciate it, maybe not. Don't worry about it. But you will feel better that you did everything you could. One day you may realize that giving without expecting anything in return will bring you peace. As a mother and a daughter I can sympathize with both of you. Good luck!

Answer 4

Is your mother seeing a doctor and counselor for her mental problems? Possibly you could suggest she do that and you'll take her. I hear your pain, but I know what your mother is going thru. Maybe if you did visit her on a weekly basis for one hour your mother would open up and you might find it amazing, she does have something to say. (if not one-on-one, how about mother-daughter therapy?)

Answer 5

Visit briefly on a routine basis--say, once a month. Keep it as upbeat as possible, and don't take the aggravation home with you. She will not change, so you have to. Don't expect her to care about your life. She's too tied up with her own life.

Answer 6

If you were always "busy," then you wouldn't be available to answer her calls...seriously, whatever you do, keep your own needs in mind so you don't get sucked in and go crazy. Love your mother and protect yourself.