Been separated for almost a year due to spouse being unfaithful. we have four kids. just recently i got into an argument with my soon ex's girlfriend about a situation with our son. anyway she wants to be cool with me but i think i can't she was the person my husband had an affair with. i just don't know what to do. I told her face to face that i would never be friends with her not in her life time. I know that she'll w/ my soon ex husband but should i forgive her and be friends.
2007-03-15 15:13:40 · 21 answers · asked by Hawaiianlady 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, you don't have to be, and you shouldn't be. Why should you have to be friends with this tramp? Get along with her for the sake of your kids. When your kids are grown, then you probably won't have to deal with her that often. Get along and that's it. Well, maybe tolerate her instead of getting along. Yes, we should forgive, but maybe down the road, but you don't have to be friends with a tramp like her.
2007-03-15 15:17:42 · answer #1 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Should you forgive her - yes. Do you have to be her friend - no. However, for the sake of your children, you two do need to find a way to keep the peace.
My exhusband ran off with the woman he was having an affair with so I know how angry and hurt you are. For the longest time, I thought I'd never respect someone who could break up a family - but that's the wrong way of thinking. I wasn't doing myself any favors harboring resentment toward her.
Tell your ex (soon to be) that any issues with the children need to be between you and him. She's should not be involved or trying to cause problems.
If it helps - I still consider letting my ex's wife have him the best revenge. If he cheated on me with her, it just increases the likely hood that he'll cheat again. Let her him! Consider it your revenge and find someone who wants to be with you, who will love you and your children, be there for you and won't want anyone else. He's out there. Just take some time to heal and be patient. You'll find him.
2007-03-15 22:21:54 · answer #2 · answered by reandsmom77 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to be friends with her, but you do have to get along with her.
The best way to get along is to have a sit down with her and the ex. Explain that you don't want any unnecessary friction between you and that you understand that she will be in your ex husbands life and in the lives of your children. Since it is best for the kids that everyone get along, you would like to make up some rules about how things are handled with the children. That way, the kids get consistant care and the adults don't have to argue about anything.
I would also ask that the kids not be allowed to play you off each other and that any disagreements that may arise be handled quietly between the adults, so that a united front is presented to the kids.
2007-03-15 22:28:58 · answer #3 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not react so childishly as married person but be a little accomodative. Look into the bright side. If you still think you can accept as a friend, then don't Perhaps you could forget about the past and live your life for the present. Any problems or quarrels coming from the ex girl friend should be solved immediately and soon.
2007-03-15 22:28:25 · answer #4 · answered by Ashley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think for the sake of everyone, you should try to get along with her. You do not have to be best friends, but you should not withhold your friendship in order to punish her or your ex for what happened - there is nothing to gain by that. Show your children how a respectable adult acts - hold your head high honey and do not be bitter, it will only hurt you and your kids. Move on, be happy, don't look back. Stand tall, you can do better than an unfaithful chump. :)
2007-03-15 22:25:59 · answer #5 · answered by pumbakitty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It wasn't her that broke up your marriage but you and your husband.
You don't have to be her friend but she does appear to have the best interests of your children at heart and that at least deserves some respect. Punishing her for loving the man that you once loved is in my mind strange. Punish him for being unfaithful by all means but why her?
2007-03-16 02:56:38 · answer #6 · answered by John B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have resentment towards her, you can't simply "forgive her and be friends." It would be great if life would work that way, but it never seems to. I think that you really need to discuss this with her in a non-confrontational way. If you have a hard time with that, I would suggest asking her to visit a counselor with you. Hope this helps!
2007-03-15 22:37:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no reason to be friends with her. She is at fault as much as the ex.
If they are to wed, then u will have to be adults for the childrens sake, but nobody says u have to be friends with the b*tch that cheated with your husband.
So, I say no. She could only wish she could be so lucky to have you on her good side instead of her bad. I hate that for her....lol NOT!
Good luck to u.
2007-03-15 22:24:52 · answer #8 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a very hard thing to do but I would say that for the sake of your ex and yourself you should try and be friends with her. Not as best friends but be friendly.
2007-03-15 22:22:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has alot of nerve wanting to be your friend after what she did to ur family..trust me i went to the exact same thing..don't let her think what she did was ok..i couldn't even look at the girl my hubby was with...she doesn't deserve ur friendship..be civil for your kids but that is all..at least that is what i did..hope this helps
2007-03-15 22:23:28 · answer #10 · answered by terrysgirl0206 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋