Can you turn gay?

Question

I already have the answer: Yes. Where's the proof? The proof is me. I turned gay. Now christians can come in with their bibles, and liberals can come in with their views, and psychologists can babble all sorts of nonsense. But I'm telling you that I was always heterosexual until the moment I turned 17. And my life is a hellhole now. I wish I knew why and how, and I've spent over three years in pain trying to figure out. But know these two truths:

You can turn gay.
No, it is NOT a choice.

This isn't a question, it is more of a cry for help. I want my old life back so badly. I hate looking at my friends I knew for years and having sexual thoughts about them. I hate how other gays and bisexuals encourage and even force a lifestyle that some may not want.

Though futile, if anyone can give me any proven scientific facts as to how this happened, it would be much appreciated.

things I DON'T want to hear:

Anything with the word Jesus, Bible, or God (or any synonyms alike)
That you are born gay
Any Freudian theories
Anything to do with molestation or being surrounded by gay people and lifestyles
Anything that doesn't have any scientific basis (like psychiatry in general)
Anything that tells me to accept "my true self" or accept my sexuality as gay man

Here is my story:
It all started one summer in 2004 . A girl and I were getting really close, she was the first girl I thought I was in love with. At the same time, I began noticing that I was getting these strange vibes from one of my friends, especially whenever he fed me food, was nurturing, etc. So the girl I liked went to summer school with me, and we really developed an awesome relationship. After summer school, I went to a beach trip with my friends, including the one I got vibes from. The week before I went to this trip I began to literally feel different physically. This is where it all began. I began noticing any guy without shirts, and feelings intensified exponentially. It was at the trip I realized that these feelings were too real. I was checking out my friend nonstop. When I came back from the trip, I went to talk to my lady friend on the phone. Surprise surprise, I felt absolutely nothing for her anymore. The rest is painful history.

Answer 1

this has come a bit of a shock to you, and your convince yourself these new feelings makes you completely gay, which i think your not why, because you said you were pretty much hetro before you were 17, right? if you think about you are more focused on something new and ignore the old, where you dont realise you are still attracted to women, but too distracted to accept because because you think you are 'gay'.

but in my opinion, you probably have discoverd you are bisexual and the old feelings will re-emerge in time.

man you are brave
over and out
Ash

Answer 2

Well, ain't that a mouthful.

There actually IS proof to see whether you're gay or not (not exact test really, but scientifically tested and with significant...whatever, like I'm not gonna be sued if I lied am I?). You know the second finger - ring finger correlation thing you probably read few years back in National Enquirer? No?

It all has to do with hormones. Apparently a certain level of testosterone can lead to one finger longer than the other (can't remember which, look it up in the internet) and levels of testosterone have a link with sexual preferences. It also has links with masculinity/feminity but those were more tenuous.

So, you can look at your hands, look up the articles and see if you're actually gay all along. You can even measure it every month to see if there was any difference, hormone riddled thing that you are (at 17, your body is a virtual pharmacy).

Does that help? I thought so. So this is the advice. You feel crap? Well get used to it. Whinging will not stop you from being gay. You can NEVER have your old life back. Tell your friends that you're gay (probably not the attraction part unless you're into BDSM) and yes you may lose some but the ones you have left are your true ones. Help other people. Do things that the old you enjoy that does not involve self-pleasure. If all else fails, don't you have a college to apply to? Work on that. If you have time still to think of your sexuality you're not working hard enough.

Answer 3

Ok, that age is around the time a lot of people start to discover what their sexuality is - some people know what they are interested in before they are 10 - some people not until they are in their late teens.

Some folks also go through a "phase" some have gay interests before ending up straight and others have straight ones before ending up gay.

It is nothing to do with religion, people around you or any of that crap. It is simply an aspect of your personality - just like you have no more control over what you favourite colour is - people cannot chose their sexuality.

I hear the cry for help and wish there was something positive (and honest) I could say to you - however you don't want to hear things about accepting yourself so there is little more I can do.

As for scientific facts, science has only just recently accepted that ALL animals are capable of homosexuality - the official line (until a few years ago!!!!!!) was that some animals wre confused.

Science is not going to provide any answers that you are likely to wish to hear anyway (genetic, pre-disposition etc etc)

I hope you manage to handle your feelings in spite of yourself one day - and finally, grudgingly get on with living life instead of nursing a hang-up that will just help to spoil your life.

Mark

Answer 4

I agree with one of the earlier answers. You matured sexually at a slightly older age than the average. The thing that indicates that to me, is that when talking about this girl you were getting along with, you don't mention any sexual feelings. This is in contrast to the feelings you had about these guys without shirts on. As you get older, you will realise it's not possible to change your sexual orientation, so you will have to conclude that you didn't change in the first place. You are wise to avoid religious groups that would try to convert you. They will only make you feel worse about yourself. Instead I suggest you get in contact with a counselling service that works with same-sex attracted and questioning youth. I don't know where you live, so I can't recommend one for you, but they are not hard to find. Here in Sydney we have an organisation called Twenty10. They have helped many kids and young adults with a range of services. Best of luck.

Answer 5

If you don't want to hear any of those things, then I am not sure there are any answers that would satisfy you. Look back on your life, all of it. Are you saying that you woke up on your 17th b-day and said, "gee, I like other guys"? Were there no other times in your life that you felt this way, or had doubts? I am truly sorry that you are so unhappy and I wish that there were some magic answer that some one could give you, but I think this is something that you will have to deal with on your own, as many of us did. Life doesn't have to be a hell hole, it is what you make of it.

Answer 6

I turned bisexual at the age of twelve, if that counts.

Before that, I was a Bible-thumping homophobe.

It was sort of a choice for me, sort of not. Well, atleast it's not anymore. It's not like a light switch to me, I can't change it on or off on command... I wonder if I ever could... hmm... interesting thought...

I'm sorry, but there is nothing you can do about it. I know you don't like the answer, but it's part of you now.

Unless you want to live a miserable, self-loathing life, then get over it. I know it's hard for you, but you have to come to terms with it.

Everyone is different. Everyone deals with it differently.

I know you miss your old life, but you can't go back to it. Nothing, and I mean nothing.... can change you back. People claim to have ways. They lie. It makes the mental struggle worse.

Sorry, but I'm also not a science major. I abhor sciences... because chemistry sucks, but yea, tough luck.

Hope you the best.

Answer 7

I was the same way you were, believing I was 100% straight until I turned about 15 or 16 when I started noticing guys a lot more. When I looked back on my childhood, I remembered instances where I was really noticing guys more than your average straight guy. Give yourself some time to evaluate your past and accept your life now.

Answer 8

I'm sorry you're so confused right now.

Personally I believe that MOST people are bisexual to a degree, and that culture tries to shape them into heterosexual. There are some that are exclusively heterosexual or homosexual, but in general, we are on a spectrum.

As to whether you can "turn gay", I'm not sure about that. I believe that you might find that part of yourself and begin to experience it. I think people are who they are and simply find things out about themselves.

As you are 17, you are still quite young and finding things out about yourself is what the teen years are about. It's sad that you don't have a society which allows for such exploration, but that's a fact of life here.

As for scientific evidence of what's going on, and excluding psychology, you're out of luck. The biological basis for homosexuality is currently unknown. Psychology is a science, albeit one that is based more on statistics and observation and less on identifiable physical phenomena.

My advice would be to talk to a therapist who is experienced with matters of sexuality.

I wish you luck.

Answer 9

Then you're not going to get any responses because that's all you're going to hear. I have alot of gay and lesbian friends, I've known most of them from childhood and they've always felt the way that they do sexually. They didn't wake up at a certain age and say "Gee, I think I'll turn gay today". You say your life is a hellhole now, but I think it has alot more to do with the fact that you can't accept yourself for who you really are. And there's nothing wrong with being gay!

Answer 10

While nsheedy does kind of make a good argument on reading if you are of same mindset as him.. I can tell you from personal experience that trying to live the heterosexual lifestyle doesn't work - it will just make you unhappy. Especially if you are looking to feel the same depth of feeling with a woman as you do with a man.

I'm afraid you are just going to have to accept being gay.