Okay, I know that our marriage is in trouble. My husband has not been wearing his wedding ring for a long time now. He says that it's too small for him now. I am amazed that he did not fix his ring yet. I am all suspicious because in his words he is all about sorting it out, making it work, but I don't see how he "walks the walk". He does not want to go back to counselling as he says that I need help more than him.
2007-03-15 15:01:45 · 23 answers · asked by Alyssa Macey 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That's not a good sign... I'm sure you know what I mean.
If he's not willing to work on the marriage - as it is composed of two people, with different sets of problems (and not a competition over who's more to blame), why are you staying? You need to realize that life is too short to be spent with someone who doesn't even care enough to work things out. You need to make a decision: he either works on it in counseling WITH you, or you get a divorce.
Take it from someone who has seen enough young people lose their lives and someone who KNOWS that today could be your last day. Don't waste your time! Find a solution, even if you're the only one who's not a coward about acting on it.
You'll have to be the strong one here, and make a decision. If you have kids, yes, you should try to work it out, but you didn't screw up your marriage alone, and you won't fix it that way either.
Good luck, really.
2007-03-15 15:12:39 · answer #1 · answered by Mary P 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound good, hun! My ex stopped wearing his ring too and I found out MONTHS later he'd been having an affair. I don't say that to scare you, but that ring symbolizes your committment and by him not wanting to wear it (even if it's too small, he can wear it on a chain until he can get it stretched) - well, it's just not a positive sign. Neither is him not wanting to go to counseling.
I wish I had the perfect advice, but I don't. Just be honest with him about how you're feeling and if necessary ask him point blank if he's having an affair or why he won't wear his rings, etc. Prayer can also be a powerful tool. While we may not have the right answer, He does.
ETA: To touch a little more on what SillyKimmie's saying - try this website: www.fivelovelanguages.com - this website has some great information on communicating love.
2007-03-15 22:08:41 · answer #2 · answered by reandsmom77 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He just voiced his problem to you, you need more help than he does. Is there something you aren't doing for your husband? Do you show him the respect, affection, appreciation, and support that you did when you two were dating? That's the problem! Quit the bad attitude and nagging and show the poor guy some appreciation and kindness! That's why he's not wearing his wedding ring. I challenge you to do this....Starting right now, give him a few more kisses, hugs, words of encouragement, thank you's, and a kinder tone and see what happens. Don't give up right away, do it for a little while. I have a hard time believing that a man wouldn't appreciate that and return the favor. You can then make that a habit! It's really not that hard! Trust me, the same thing happend to me. I took him for granted and shaped up and treated him like I would want to be treated.
Try a faith based counselor. They will teach you two how to be more considerate of the other's feelings, and to really attack your problems head on rather than brushing them under the rug or pointing fingers. Don't sweat the small stuff. I hope I gave you some decent advice as I've been through this rough patch too! Good luck and I hope you two can learn to get through the rough times! Email me if ya need an ear!
~ I agree with Becca's comment about the five love languages. Great advice Becca! Visit that site and if you can, get the books too!~
2007-03-15 22:08:41 · answer #3 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
have him try it on for you!(the ring i mean) Tell him you will have it streched for him. That even if your having problems he still needs to wear the ring. Not wanting the counseling is a male pride thing! My husband does the same to me! I understand that part! What does he do for work? My husband can not wear his ring on certain jobs. He builds paper machines and stuff like that. Try buying a self help book for marrige,ask him to look at it,or highlight some things in it that you would like him to read. Point out how it could work out and what the pluse's are by trying all you can. I feel what your saying! Am there now! I called my Mom the other day and asked "why are men so stupid?!" She yelled at me and said:::: "I TOLD YOU THAT MEN WERE STUPID WHEN YOU WERE 15 YEARS OLD!" lol yea..she did! Good Luck!
2007-03-15 22:25:39 · answer #4 · answered by spoiledsarah25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it's not like him wearing his wedding ring is really going to change anything. If you're marriage is really in trouble, then all the trinkets in the world won't change that. Of course, he could be telling the truth about the ring and just too lazy and doesn't care enough about the trinket to fix it. Which is fine, why?
Well, here's a little story. When my partner and I met, he used to wear a wedding band on his left ring finger. He had never been married, but it had other sentimental purposes. Anyways, it wasn't until months and months had passed and after he moved in with me (not long after though!) that I had noticed that he wore a wedding band and then he told me the story, which is really quite amusing, but not your business. Sorry, just never developed the habit of looking at a man's fingers! I highly doubt that I'm the only woman who doesn't bother to look or notice too!
Wearing a wedding band isn't going to stop anything, if this is what you think and perhaps, your husband isn't very sentimental.
Of course, you'd know best what kind of man he is and you don't go into details of your relationship, just the ring and I wouldn't want to be presumptuous about your marriage. Good luck with everything! A ring is just a trinket.
2007-03-15 22:16:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Alyssa Macey, i think that it is a problem that he is not wearing his ring. Because the ring is a sign of your untidy and if he is not showing the world that you are united is like he is giving up on you and what you have worked so hard to get together. And if he is not willing to go with you then he is not going to be willing to fix this for the both of you. It is called mirage consoling meaning that the married couple comes together to help each other and if he isn't welling to go help you (even if you don't think you need it) then he is not that willing to work this out. I’m sorry that you are going through this. I wish the best for you.
2007-03-15 22:39:41 · answer #6 · answered by szlightning31 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I don't wear our rings simply because we've gained a bit of weight and are too lazy to get new ones.
I suggest you get a new ring for your husband that fits, or get the existing ring resized for him. I don't think the ring matters, a man who will cheat, will cheat, wearing a ring, or not.
2007-03-16 00:21:57 · answer #7 · answered by phoenix_rising_28 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try group marriage thearpy- it sometimes help to know that others are in the same or worse shape than you! As for the ring - go get it sized up or down for him to fit and tell him that it still is a symbol of never ending love! (I am guessing that you wear yours!)
2007-03-15 22:07:21 · answer #8 · answered by T J 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Funny thing, I have the same problem....my wedding ring doesn't fit whenever I am around a hot woman....my be the increase in my blood pressure.
2007-03-15 22:26:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because he doesn't wear his ring doesn't mean your marriage is doomed. Have you tried asking him why he hasn't had it re-sized? As for the counseling - both of you should be going to counseling together, regardless of who thinks who has the problem.
2007-03-15 22:21:16 · answer #10 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋