I have a very good male friend that has been married to his wife for about 15 years, they only new each other for 6 months prior to getting married. They have 3 kids together. The wife has chosen her career as a lawyer and soon to be a judge over her husband. The husband is extremely unhappy and is only in this relationship because of his kids. The wife lives in one country and the husband in another. The kids have only been told that he is working and that is why he is gone. He doesn't want his children to be affected by any decision that is made (divorce) because they attend a school for the extremely gifted (they are smart as can be). I know that he loves another woman and she loves him. What should he do?
2007-03-15 14:46:24 · 33 answers · asked by My_ina 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
They should get a divorce. Kids are smarter than adults give them credit for... they can sense these things and know whether or not their parents love each other. Kids understand that marriages don't always work out and as long as he remains a part of their lives there shouldn't be a problem. I certainly wouldn't want my parents to be together if they weren't happy together. I want them to be happy, even if that means being with someone other than each other.
2007-03-15 14:51:14 · answer #1 · answered by lysistrata411 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being together only 6 months really doesn't factor into this. That may be true, but he chose to have 3 kids with her after the marriage. Even if the first one wasn't planned, there were 2 more after that, unless they are triplets. It would seem to me that these two have grown apart and not be together. The confusing part for me is that they live in separate countries, so I'm not really sure how involved he is in the family and if that's the reason these two drifted away from each other or if it was career goals. It seems like they are both to blame. The only thing they can do now is do what they feel is best for their kids. If he's not around everyday as it is, I'm not sure that divorce would be that detrimental to them (in fact they may already know more than the parents think. Kids don't have to be especially gifted to figure this stuff out). I'm not an advocate for divorce, but there's no sense delaying the inevitable.
2007-03-15 14:56:35 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that he loves another woman while still married to his WIFE says it all. People need to discuss life goals and plans before getting married. I am sure he knew what career his wife wanted. On the other hand, the wife needs to wake up and realize that family is EVERYTHING and your career will not take care of you when you are sick and old. Divorce should never be an option if there is good communication ( which i'm guessing there's not) I think you should let you good guy friend deal with this on his own. This is between him and his wife and has nothing to do with you. Sorry
2007-03-15 14:53:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that he did the wrong thing already he has abandoned his family and that is to me always the wrong choice. It never hurts to try and this is what people never understand. No matter what to get married to someone you are in love with them and to stay with the person no matter what he says about kids or nothing he loved her. He still loves her no matter what he is saying!
This other woman that has come in the way of his marriage should step back and think for a few. If I was in her place I would be thinking would he one day fall out of love with me? Then that's just my smart brain!
I learned a very valuable lesson when I was younger the grass on the other side always looks greener. Until you get there and you find out that you left the best grade for razor grass or poi sen Ivy! He should look over his options and question of the year for this guy! How long do you think you could hide for? You said his kids were smart they would figure it out soon. Sooner than he expects and then it would be too late to prepare. Never lie to kids it upsets them even more and could trash their adult years.
There is always two sides to a story in this case as well and I am not going to take sides as I would advise you!
2007-03-15 15:21:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not going to like my answer, but here it goes anyway. First of all don't use the kids as an excuse. It's not their fault he is a jerk. Is it a crime for a woman to have career and who said she was going to rule over him? If you think this is the right way of thinking then you need a lesson on how to treat a woman. Fifteen years is a long time to just get up and walk out. He should have thought about that before he had children with this woman. He needs to get over himself and work things out with his wife. Have you men ever heard of aids? What if this other woman has it and he gives it to his wife? If he was going to leave he should have done it before the kids could remember what he is about to do to their mom, and hate him for it. Believe me they will I know from experience. Another thing what makes you men think that child support and every other weekend with the kids is going to make up for you actually being there all the time. The way my daughter sees it when my ex got up and walked out he also walked out on her. Is this how he wants his kids to feel? It's not just her job to raise those kids it's his too, and how is he going to help her with them if he chooses to leave her. But then again she can move on to bigger and better things(if you know what I mean). It's time she found a real man and not a looser like her husband.
2007-03-15 15:52:04 · answer #5 · answered by Shery W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should quit using the oldest trick in the book!! The guy tells the girl that his marriage is on the rocks but because of the kids he can't divorce her right now. BULLSH-----!!!!! All he is doing is using the girlfriend for his own selfish reasons and has no intention of leaving his wife. All he is doing is leading some poor girl on. My advice to the "other woman" is run,DO NOT WALK away from this dead end relationship! Its guys like this DS that gives us GOOD MEN a bad rap
2007-03-15 14:57:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that he should get married to the other woman. If he is unhappy with the first one and got a divorce, than that is a good choice. If the kids were really smart as you say they were, then they should understand why he left. Since they are so smart, they are smart enough to realize the reaal concepts of how this will work out. good luck :)
2007-03-15 14:52:35 · answer #7 · answered by ivory_plr 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all he needs to know that u don't stay married to someone just for the kids. At the end its going to hurt them. I think he needs to sit down and talk to his soon to be ex-wife, and tell her things are not working out and its time to get it on paper ( divorce). It seems like its not working out anyway, the next best step is to talk to the kids and let them know u love them and ur always going to be there no matter what.
2007-03-15 14:52:46 · answer #8 · answered by gr33n 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life passes to quickly,one shouldn't live in an unhappy situation. I don't know how old the kids are but kids are very adaptable,they will get over it.Long as he stays involved in their lives and is there when they need to talk everything will be fine.My kids have handled the divorce of their parents great and have grown into loving successful young adults
2007-03-15 14:57:52 · answer #9 · answered by tuppenybitz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he really loves his kids, he should set a good examply by being honest. He should do the right thing and get a divorce before he should pursue other relationships. The setup he currently has with his family isn't really good for the kids, since he's away.
2007-03-15 17:32:35 · answer #10 · answered by phoenix_rising_28 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋