I have a have a husband I do not love, but love a man I can not have yet? Should I stay or go?

Question

I have been married to a man for 4 years, who has treated me like crap but I tried to make it work. It has got to the point where I dont have MUCH love for hom any more. I am in love with my ex, he wants me to be with him and be his wife. I dont want to make the wrong choice, dont have any one to talk to about this, please help?

Answer 1

You need to stop and take a long look in the mirror. You don't give us enough information to make some really solid recommendations, but I think first you need to ask yourself some hard questions:

1. Why did I divorce my ex? Are things totally different now? Or do we just feel different today. Unless there are some fundamental changes, he will be your ex yet again.

2. Why did you marry a man that treats you so poorly? Don't tell yourself he totally changed, almost without exception, there were many warning signs before you marred him.

3. What can you do different for you are on the edge of having two divorces. No one forced you to marry these men. It is your fault. You need to understand yourself and why you made these two huge mistakes or you are doomed to repeat them.
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Answer 2

First and foremost, the ex is a wrong choice -- always look to where you are going, and to from which you came. Always 1 step in the right direction, don't take 2 steps back.

Second-- if you are not happy, why don't you change something that you do or don't do to make his day easier if you will. If you are having problems talking -- find a new way to talk. Play a game, do something, hell -- suck his d--- and then go to sleep -- In other words show him what you are willing to do to fix what you have. But remember this for everything that you can point the finger at him about -- check the mirror and see if that finger is pointing at you as well. Fix yourself first. Get the other man out of your head.

And, if it does comes down to you leaving one another, the Ex is still a bad choice -- just move on and find a new love -- plenty out their to choose from.

Answer 3

Don't stay with a man you don't love. Life is too short to be miserable. On the other hand don't jump right into a relatioship with your ex. Why is he your ex in the first place. There is a reason you broke up in the first place. Take some time on your own to get to know the person you are. Take a new relationship slow and make sure you are with your soul mate. When you marry your soul mate it feels like your life is more complete. Marriage is hard enough when you love someone but when you do't love them anymore it is time to leave.

Answer 4

If you didnt love him why did you marry him....? is there a reason you dont love him anymore? did it all start happening when your ex came back around? maybe your husband is being an a** because you have become stand off ish. I dont know though because there arent much details in your question. All I am saying is you have to be carefull ... maybe weigh the pros and cons of staying with your husband or leaving him. You definately shouldnt leave him for another that is too risky. If you are not happy in your marriage then you have to do what is right for you

Answer 5

People always seem to think that they would be happy with the "other" person. Truth is, u won't be. U'll be just as miserable with the ex as u are with ur husband. He's ur "ex" for a reason. Leave the past in the past. Maybe u could get counseling. Or just take some time to get urself together w/o all this drama.

Answer 6

Ok, first of all sweetie you should do what makes you happy. bottom line is neither of these men at this point and time are going to give you what you deserve. your husband for one needs to either be told the truth about you not loving him and you should flat out end it. I know that is easier said then done but guess what the years will keep on adding up making it harder and harder and nothing is going to change.

Your ex does not want to be with you the way you want to be with him. If he is going to stay with his wife do not be his second best or his choice only when his wife doesnt want to do anything with him. if you stay in that type of relationship you are merely nothing but a sex toy for him,

You need time alone to reflect on yourself and to olove yourself and then you will come across a loving man that you will love he will love you he will treat you like a woman should be treated and after all you will be his only one is not that then at least his number one!

You are worth more than what you are doing to yourself!

Answer 7

If you are miserable with your current husband maybe you should leave. But that does not mean that the ex is going to be the perfect one for you. He is your ex for a reason. Remember, the grass is no greener on the other side.

Answer 8

same thing happen to my mom she was with the other man for a half a year and ran back to my dad i guess she found out how much she really loved him being away from him. So do what is best for you dont let anyone on yahoo tell u what to do!!!

Answer 9

It isn't fair to you or him if you stay. Obviously you've fallen out of love with him because of the way he has been treating you. You've given him multiple chances to change back into the man you had fallen in love with and he hasn't, which means he doesn't care enough to do so. That being said, it's time for a change. Good luck!

Answer 10

could it work if you both got counseling? if you are so interested in your ex, why was he an ex to begin with?
forgive me for being so blunt but you need individual counseling. we can't decide for you. if it were up to me i'd say divorce the *** and go with the ex. however,
you have a history with both and a future with one. you need to sort out these feelings and see where it goes with a counselor. if not group counseling do the individual. maybe the individual is best. if he treats you like crap, he probably has no ounce of care left in him for you OR maybe he was rasied that way and just needs to see the err of his ways. good luck.