I been together with my fiancee for a year and a half. We got engaged 3 months ago. We are looking for a place to stay and my mom yells at me because she says I shouldn't move into a place before I'm married. She says I should at least go to the courthouse to get married first. (She is old fashion). I understand her. She wants us married before we live together. I am 20 years old. She says it is the absolute wrong thing to do, even if they do love my fiancee.
So, we decided to have a courthouse wedding in a month from now and have a church wedding when we acually first planned to be married. We are not doing this to make my family happy. We are doing this cause we love each other. He told me that he wishes he had a ring on now. We really love each other. Are we still doing wrong?
-Stacey
2007-03-15 12:27:23 · 14 answers · asked by Stacey K 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
are you in a hurry to get married because you want to prove that you are a modern girl?
get married when you are completely ready and with your parents' blessing. till then, you'll never have peace and your marriage may not last.
if this is really true love -the kind that lasts forever -he'll be there in 1 yr, in 5 yrs, in 20 yrs.....
till then, finish school, travel the world, do things, and accept your parents for who they are.
2007-03-15 12:31:38 · answer #1 · answered by KitKat 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
i definitely understand what you're saying.. i was 20 when i got engaged and my fiance (now husband) and i got an apartment together with 2 other roommates... my parents were very against us living together, but we couldn't afford 2 apartments, plus pay for our wedding... especially when the leases wouldn't come up on our apartments (could only sign 1 year leases) until months after our wedding! i think if you're both ready to get married (sounds like you are!) then go on and do whatever it is that makes you happy.. if you want to do the courthouse wedding and then a big wedding later, go for it. ultimately, it's about what you and your fiance want.. b/c it's the two of you who make the marriage, who are promising to be together forever- no one else. best of luck to you, and congrats.. i'm 23 now and we have a 6 month old. i'm so glad i got married when i did and didn't wait- i had just turned 21 when we got married.
and all of you out there that think you have to be having sex if you're 'shacking up' you don't. and it's not being career- driven or feminist anything.. b/c my career is being a mom.. and screw the feminist garbage.. that's just a bunch of bull! the divorce rate is high today simply b/c it's easy to get a divorce and instead of working through problems, it's easier to walk away.. or to cheat on your spouse- not b/c you might have lived together before you were married. and yes, jesus will still love you if you live with him.. just don't have sex with him.
2007-03-15 19:47:35 · answer #2 · answered by daisylady 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Darling, I hate to tell you this but before you even think of signing your name to a marriage certificate, you need to atleast have dated 8 months or more. Usually after six months you really see the real person. As for living with the fiancee, I say go for it! That is the only way you can truly find out if you are compatible, without a long drawn out legal document! I hope everything works out for you and your fiancee but marriage just to make your parents happy so you can live with him, is to me very ridiculous. I have been married 3 times, its not easy to get out of the marriage once your in it. I am not saying you will have problems, I am just saying the (old fashion way) I know your parents thinks is the right thing to do. But what I think is you and your fiancee need to do what makes you happy. Don't rush anything, if its true love, the big wedding and ring can wait until you get your career's going a nice place to live and really understand and get to know each other. Living with someone everyday will be that answer. Although your parents disagree, they will see in the long run that you were doing the right thing. I say go ahead live life to the fullest. Then make serious decisions!!
2007-03-15 19:35:59 · answer #3 · answered by red29 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You are fine -- the question to you is, WHAT IS THE RUSH? you already have the man -- and if the two of you can not wait until the plan wedding date to move in -- what other spontaneous thing will you do. Be careful make plans and stick to them, learn from them. Love is a beautiful thing -- nothing old fashion about that. Have you ever heard the saying "Mother Knows best" well I am inclined to agree with her here. Slow down enjoy the time that you have plan carefully, pray daily and love hard. good luck
2007-03-15 19:38:06 · answer #4 · answered by Quest 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but living together before you're married is shacking up. You might not even end up getting married! Old fashion and traditional values are the way to go. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Did they have a high divorce rate back then? I think not. Unless you want to prove that you're a "woman" by being career driven, selfish, and only cares about her outside life rather than her family. If you would like to enter the feminist world, go right ahead, but you're heading down a dark, ugly, path.
To the answer below mine~ I never said "shacking up" was just about having sex. It's moving in with someone that is not your spouse! Read the frickin' Bible if you want to talk about having morals, and how to lead a life that God created for you, and for you and your spouse to live by. Feminists have ruined women for so long now. Divorce rates are higher because women think they shouldn't have to put up with ANYTHING that their husbands or their families do. It's ridiculous. Maybe you should get your facts straight before you start in on shacking up when you don't even know what the heck you're talking about. If you disagree, that's your own problem, get over it. I didn't like your answer but did I start in on you? Nope. Grow up.
2007-03-15 19:41:10 · answer #5 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your idea sounds great. My mother-in-law was not very happy when my husband and I moved in together before we were married (we weren't even engaged at the time) - but she left the decision up to us. Then again, we're in our 30s; as you get older, your parents' hold on you will weaken. Your parents may be old-fashioned, but they're still your parents, you ain't getting new ones anytime soon. So it pays to keep peace with them, even if you feel they are being unreasonable. Your plan does just that - it takes into account their feelings, and also allows you to do what you've been wanting to do all along. Congratulations.
2007-03-15 19:34:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
That just the way they are . They're just trying to protect your reputation. I think in todays world it's fine for the two of you to live together. This way you will know each others ups and downs. With so many relationships ending up in divorce, this is actually the smart thing to do. The courthouse thing is up to you. It will keep her happy. Congradulations and good luck.
2007-03-15 19:35:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, it's good that you're doing it like that. There's no proof that living together before marriage helps or hurts in the end. I say no matter what the reason, as long as you're happy that's what counts. The bonus is you're mothers wishes are also being honored. Good luck
2007-03-15 19:33:29 · answer #8 · answered by David J 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hi! What your mother is saying is not old fashion, it's the truth, sex is for marriage only, otherwise it's is called fornicating, if you truly love your boyfriend, you would wait for marriage to make love to him, it is much better too......Jesus loves you
2007-03-15 19:41:34 · answer #9 · answered by Bert 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First, listen to what YOU and your FIANCE want, please. Give lots of love to your mom when she disagrees. Give her a hug when she yells. Tell her you love her, you're sorry she's upset, but this is your life. Ask her to please accept your decision. Tell her you understand she's protecting you, wanting the best for you. And do what you and your fiance decide.
2007-03-15 19:34:50 · answer #10 · answered by phantom 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋