i dont undertstad why my parents turned there back on me.?

Question

i dont understand this.....but when i was little my dad walked out on me and then my mom and dad got a divorce. after the divorce my mom had new guys coming in. and then finally she met the abusive guy shes been with for 10 years now the one that belittled me and my little brother and hurt us both mentally and physically and the same one that tore the whole family apart. i feel like my mom and my real dad both turned their backs on me. is it wrong that i want to turn my back on them. im tired of them treating me like a dog. i hold alot of hate towards my mom for really big reasons that is best to keep confidetial. im grown now so i dont have to put up with them anymoret . i just wish that she wouldnt of turned her back on me and when i confront her about it she doesnt understand what i did. how do i make her understand? and what am I supposed to do now? and why does she still want to be with a man who not only hurt her but hurt her kids as well? isnt that messes up? i feel so alone!

Answer 1

What are your mom's parent's like? Most of us learn our behavior from our parents. That doesn't make it right - I'm not condoning it.

Sweetie, your mom may never understand what she did to you and she may never apologize. I'm in my mid 40's and have a father who was horrible and he still has never acknowledged what he did or apologized.

I had hate and anger for a long time but I realized as I got older it only hurt me, not my dad. I don't know how old you are but I moved out right after high school. You sound like a survivor so stay strong.. Be very aware that you have to learn new behavior or you will repeat what you have seen.

Your mother is immature - again - what are her parents like. As for your "real" dad - have you heard from him since he walked away? It's not clear from your question.

One thing you need to REMEMBER - there is nothing wrong with you. You are not the reason for their self-destructive behavior, but like all children of parents like these, you suffer the consequences of their bad choices. It won't last forever. Hang in there. If you can see a counselor please do.

You are a wonderful person with a whole life in front of you - please don't let bitterness and anger over things that can't be redone or fixed ruin your life. You have lots to share and give with others and the world - please love yourself and live a joyful life after childhood. Let go of wanting an apology - it will just frustrate you for years and cause anger which only hurts you, not her. I think you've seen by now that her life is about her - and that's immaturity. You have a right to remove yourself from an abusive situation. If you see her and she begins to verbally abuse you, excuse yourself in an adult way and leave. That is not wrong.

As far as your mom staying with an abusive husband - she probably has given up on ever having a life without chaos as that is all she is used to and that is what she expects. You can do better then this!

You will be fine! You're a survivor!

Answer 2

This story is so familiar to me my mother was the same.My mother separeted from my father 32 years ago and met a man which she is still with today who treated me and my brother like dirt. It is a hard thing to understand why a woman could treat her children like this. I am going to give you some advice that i think worked for me. Confront them and tell them how you feel and why you feel this. Remember that you not the person that they treat you like you are better then that. And like you said you are grown so you don't have to put up with anymore. Also tell them that you love them and would like to have a relationship with them(if you still want to) but refuse to be treated like that and will not let them do it you anymore. I also think the reason they stay with these men is because they are so insecure and maybe to scared to leave the man. Or maybe they love the person more then there children! I hope you sort this out and feel better soon.

Answer 3

if you feel the need to turn your back on your mom then do it. what's stopping you? the fact that she is your mom? that's no excuse. she had a responsibility to you and your brother and she did not live up to that. even when she was being abused she should have walked away from him, but she chose to stay with him. now you can move on without her. just because she is your family (meaning dna/blood) doesn't mean that she can treat you like dirt. i think that it's time for you to completely sever the toxic ties that you had with your mom and seek out some counseling to help you move forward so that the rest of your life can be filled with joy and peace. check out the below book and read it. it may be a good starting point for your healing process. :o)

Answer 4

sometimes people are attracted to the wrong person for some reason
now that you are older you will learn to forgive maybe but not forget
get on with your own life now you and your brother
leave it behind you
youd be surprised at how many people do go through a similar situation like yours
your mother has been with this so called man for too long now for her to let go - she is used to this treatment
which is sad to hear - I hope she realises one day before its too late
I am sure that your mother did not mean for you and your brother to go through the same she has
sometimes love is blind - she may have felt that if she interefered - it could have made things worse for you kids
after all she is your mother - and why dont you try to get to know your father now
hope things work out for you and your brother
you now deserve a whole lot better

Answer 5

Darn My daughter turned her back against her mother I don't like the idea but i would her rather do that then end up like her mother . For some reason that for the life of me i cant figure out why woman chose a bad man over a good one but i see so much of that . For your mother to turn her back on you over that man is just plane wrong no matter how you look at it . Your father i guess he did walk out on you in a way .

Just do your hardest not to be like them and look out for your little brother i think hes going to need your help don't turn your back on him the way your parents did you . Things will get better for you as you get older and on your own . Soon you will have a family of your own and don't pass neglect down to your kids let it stop here

My best advise that i can think of is don't look back you don't have to be like them just let them go God will see to it that they get there just rewards

Answer 6

1 - your dad probably walked out on your mom, not you.
2 - you mom is an insecure tramp (sorry), she cares more about sex than you and your bro.
3 - if you 10 year old fling abused you, call the cops NOW and have him arrested and thrown in jail. Do this for you and your brother.

Find a relative if you have any close and tell them. Get outta there.

Answer 7

when we are growing up we need a parent who loves us, values us, the parent reflects the child's emotions to him.when the mom has a firm sense of personal boundaries, has her needs met, and is free from stress, she can be a better mom, but when mom has a bad life she is shut down emotionally, and has a hard time giving the child what he needs to feel good about himself later in life. mom must have experienced alot of trauma in her life, and wasn't able to properly nurture her child. the shame u are now feeling has to do with your mom not giving u what u needed, making u feel your defective. one way to feel better is to give that shame back to the parent, not by blaming them but by holding them responsible. parents will not volunteer to take the blame . u will also need someone who will listen to your hurt, in a non judge mental way. u have a right to be angry at mom, as mothers are suppose to protect u and yours didn't. u need to get some therapy, this doesn't just go away will need help.

Answer 8

Wow that is a horrible situation to be in, I am sorry you had to go through and are still going through all that.

I honestly think you should seek out a counselor/therapist you could see for a little while, they can help you work through the anger towards your mother and probably even give you some good advice on how to get her to see how all she did affected you and is still affecting you.

You don't have to work through all this alone, try to find one you can go to. I am glad you are seeking help, you are on the right path to healing.

Answer 9

You can't make her understand what you went through. If she didn't get it then, she won't get it now. You can turn your back on her if you want to it's your decision. If she is still as hurtful to you now as she was when you were young, it would probably be best for you. Just remember, none of it was your fault. Your future is yours to do what you want. Make it count. Life is what you make it. If you make the decision now to put the past behind you and start fresh, you can. It won't be easy, but you can do it. I know from experience.

Answer 10

She stayed with him because she probably was a afraid to leave him if you say he is as bad as what I think he is. She feared more of the what if I left him and never got out of it. You can resent your mom but will it really get you anywhere? only thing you can really do is try to now make the life you always wanted happen for you.