here is the thing - I am loosing hope that men are capable of talking and not just being defensive or pushing it back. For example, I would say "I feel that you are not honest and straight with me and you don't explain why you don't initiate sex". He would say "Oh, and what did you do? You brought me a book and expected that was it?!?" (It was a good book, by the way, and I was very nice when I showed it to him, hoping it would inspire him:) So, my question - are there men, who can say that they are capable for listening and negotiating? I am very curious.
2007-03-15 11:47:03 · 7 answers · asked by Alyssa Macey 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I hate it when people turn it around on you when you're really just trying to talk to them from the heart and make things better. But I can tell you that as soon as you said, "You are not honest, you don't explain, you are not straight with me", you'd already lost him, Hon. He was on the defensive right away. It would have been better to say, "I sometimes wonder about your honesty, I like it when you initiate sex with me because it makes me feel sexy, I wish we could talk straight with each other." It still may have made no difference, but it's a much better approach, trust me. Some men can' t take "constructive" criticism. (some women can't either) There are men who know how to communicate, but I gotta tell you, the subjects you are bringing up are not ones that will make them want to talk. They're not real big talkers by nature. He's probably hoping you'll just drop it....and you guys can carry on as before. If you're really not happy, though, you should tell him this is becoming a serious issue for you. He may not care...if he doesn't...find one that will care.
2007-03-15 11:54:08 · answer #1 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't have this problem with my husband... He WILL listen and engage in a constructive discussion. There have been certain issues that we resolved to our mutual satisfaction by talking it over (and yes, sometimes arguing it over - but arguments can be constructive too). I have an awesome husband, really.
In your case, I would recommend identifying his weak points, and learning how to "manipulate" him (in a good way). Perhaps the way you approach an issue sets him off - try to approach it in a different manner. Also, you can't try and make every single thing conform to your expectations; some things will never change, and you have to make peace with it. Good luck.
2007-03-15 12:03:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what to say on this one. My husband is very forward about the way he feels. But I do know that if I brought him a book on this subjuct matter, he'll probably say 'thanks, honey!' (rolling his eyes the whole time) Men are very stubborn about such things, and bringing him a book on such matters to him is probably like insulting his manhood. I would simply, and nicely bring up the subject, sensitively, and ask him 'why?' And if he didn't tell me, I wouldn't harass him on the subjuct, because that's gonna make him even madder. Your in the middle of a rock and a hard place, hon. I'm sure if you give it time it would work itself out.
2007-03-15 12:40:20 · answer #3 · answered by smurfie45 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He probably fills like you are attacking his man hood, Because most men associate their man hood with their sexual prowl-us. Have you tried initiating the sex.
2007-03-15 11:54:55 · answer #4 · answered by mystictoad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will never understand men, though I think they are wonderful. They confuse me.
2007-03-15 11:50:40 · answer #5 · answered by phantom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He makes sure i tell him what is it thats makeing me Unhappy,and he trys to help out.
2007-03-15 12:17:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he gets mad if i tell him my feeling. men can't licen.
2007-03-15 11:50:25 · answer #7 · answered by lisaanndubay 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋