Heres the situation and I need an outside perspective to gain some reality. Me and my b/f have been together for 7 yrs, we have a beutifull 5 yr old daughter. He wants me to stay in more (he doesnt work) because I goto college and work part time. We dont have much money and hes now pestering me for a pair of trainers from the catologue. I said no so now hes taken away the mobile phone he lent me and its the only way people can phone me. I love him but don't know what to do, he's the father of my child and we have been together for a while. He has not much to do and most likley feels stuck in a rut, which I would like to help him with, I feel guilty for not helping him enough to get out of it. Is there anything else I can do Im confused!
2007-03-15 11:26:57 · 23 answers · asked by sarah 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Tell him to get a job and some self respect and buy the trainers himself! When he behaves like an adult and not a child you may be able to have a future.
2007-03-15 11:31:36 · answer #1 · answered by ANDREW J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is feeling threatened because you are making a life which doesn`t revolve around him. If there is no reason for him not to work I suggest you encourage him to find a job, this will give him an interest outside the home. If he cannot work he needs to find an interest, voluntary work or a job seekers club.
Don`t buy him the trainers, buy your own mobile phone!! reassure him that he is important to you but that you won`t be bullied or controlled. You need to be assertive but kind.
All your discussions should take place when your lovely daughter is at school so she doesn`t pick up on any negative feelings. With encouragement and firmness you will be able to overcome this hiccup.
Good luck and be strong.
2007-03-15 11:38:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you love him and you have a child together. He sounds quite young or not very mature. I would just tell him you would love to buy him the shoes but money is a little tight and that you need the phone for people to contact you. See how the finances are in a few months and revise the shoes or if he doesn't give you the phone, anything you do save will be put aside for your new phone. I wish you all the best.
2007-03-15 12:34:15 · answer #3 · answered by JimmyH 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fool comes to mind --- Selfish behaviour is not a good example to your 5 year old.. Why does he not work? Tell him to go earn the money then he can have as many pairs of shoes as he wants. Don't hang on to someone because it's historical the future is in every day you are trying your best and he is dragging you down, don't feel sorry for him, ask him to grow up and get up and help you to make a life for your daughter.
2007-03-15 12:31:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that if he wants the shoes he needs to earn some income to help pay for them. You have a daughter to worry about and if he's not helping and you are only working PT then obviously you don't have much money. If that doesn't work then try a trial separation that might get him to realize that it's not all fun and games and that you're serious.
Also go get a pre-paid phone for cheap (Walmart has some for $50 that come with minutes and free nights) and use it.
2007-03-15 11:41:37 · answer #5 · answered by BbyGrl80 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO he is not been fair to you and further more you are falling into the trap of feeling guilty for having a life. I think it is about time you gave him an ultimatum fix up get a job and a life and buy your own trainers plus provide for you and your daughter or find some other mug to be his door mat, to many men get away with this bad treatment of women who have some prospects in life please don't let him ruin you make your daughter proud of you
2007-03-19 03:36:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it seems like he's being a bit self-centre for not considering about how hard you work for your children's benefit as well as his! he isnt being considerate about you so i think you should first speak to him because it would be unfair to your children if you just walked away or something. Also, you've been with him for 7 years which has been a very long time so im guessing that you not buying a trainer for him won't be the end of your relationship.
wish you all the best & good luck!
2007-03-15 11:38:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must love him otherwise why put up with a layabout. If you keep supporting him will he ever get a job and buy his own shoes. He's seems happy for you to Bear the strain of debt bills etc.
Do yourself a favour get your own phone (you can get a second hand one) and if he doesn't get a job and start acting like the father of your child rather than your child get rid of him he'll only drag you down.
2007-03-15 12:50:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a control freak and your in trouble!!!!!!!
You have been in this for a long time and you need out as soon as possible. Your daughter do you want her being done this way ? Guess what it maybe to late she has seen it for 5 years only you can change this, and explain it to him does he want to see his daughter being treated the way he treats you? You keep going to college so you can support her because he will not stop at this if you leave him I doubt he will pay child support because he will want to hurt you and the dumb*** will not realize he's hurting his child. Get out a.s.a.p. and make a good life for you and your daughter. Good Luck and God bless you.
2007-03-15 11:37:35 · answer #9 · answered by rainingonme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend might be a nice guy, but it sounds like he's stuck in a rut or being a total as* hole. He really needs to kick himself into shape, he needs to get the self respect to do it for you and your child - let alone his own self esteem. If you're living in the UK, chances are he's to idle to get off his backside when he can live off the state.. I don't know if its the same in America.
Him taking the phone off you is ridiculous! If you can't afford one each, he should let you share it.
Tell him to get on the Jeremy Kyle show, let him kick his as*
2007-03-15 11:48:07 · answer #10 · answered by Agony Aunt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋