is this postpartum depression?

Question

i just gave birth to my son on the 9th of this month. i feel so bad because i was induced early because of hypertension. i didnt get to learn how to bond or breastfeed. my hubby is around and helping me alot. im not complaining. only thing that bothers me about him is that he thinks he is the mom and dad. like things im suposed to do or trying to do like successfully breastfeed but since i was under all those meds i couldnt do what i needed to do. sometimes i feel like im not doing enough. when he changes his diaper, im the trash lady or the maid(like knos everything). i get told that my son doesnt know me.i cant change his diaper without him screaming on the top of his lungs and my hubby doing it with success.i hold him and kiss and tell him i love him. i have things i need to take care of and on top of it im being told im not ever around & i am. he always says it n a nice way. what could be done to make things better?i dont cry, but alone i do, when im holding him.Y do i feel so bad?

Answer 1

Awww, honey, I'm sorry you're going through this!

You're going through some major hormonal upheavals. Yes I know it sucks to be told that what you're feeling is 'just' hormones - I'm not saying that! 'just' doesn't belong in there. What you're describing doesn't yet sound like PPD - but I would advise you to talk with your doctor or midwife about how you're feeling.

First off, you CAN still learn to breastfeed, your son was born just a week ago. I'm shocked that the hospital didn't have you pumping to avoid this problem.
1) read Kellymom's information - www.kellymom.com
2) ask your doctor
3) ask to speak with a lactation consultant - if you have insurance, many types will pay for this
4) contact la leche league. In fact do this FIRST. http://www.lalecheleague.org/resources/assistance.html?m=0,0
Go down to the 'help' part, find a local leader, and contact them with an emergency call. They should be able to help you.

Second, it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed and incompetent. You've just entered a whole new world of responsibility, new fears, new life. Your hubby sounds like he's adapting by being typically male - taking control, taking charge, doing things. Unfortunately, your husband is sounding like he's aiding your negative feelings. You need to tell him something along the lines of, "Sweetheart, it's wonderful that you want to be so involved. But I do too. Back off and let me do some things, please? I'm feeling much better now and I need to be involved, or I am afraid I never will be." Then DO the things you are asking to do. Your baby will scream at first, but he's just a week old, that's what babies do. I also need to say, telling you even in a 'nice' way that you're never around and your son doesn't know you is NOT nice. Not in any way, shape, or form. Unacceptable.

Just because you didn't start off 'naturally', and had medical intervention, doesn't mean that you can't bond perfectly well with your son. And you probably are. With some people it's an instant wholloping BAM kinda bond. The rest of us it's more subtle - you don't realize it's happening, then someone says 'hey, look at how well you two are bonded'. BUT. What things do you need to take care of? Your child is just a week old. Prioritize. Being mom to your son is the most important job you will ever, ever do. You cannot take care of your child and yourself if you don't ease up and do what needs to be done - with your son! Tell everyone else to take a hike.

Cry. It's okay. I bawled my eyes out for months. My son didn't suffer for it.

Work on your bonding with your son. Get a sling and 'wear' him. Spend time cuddling him! Spend time cuddling your hubby, too. Touch your son, talk to him, sing to him. I have a wonderful ritual with my son, who is now 14 months old. When he's nursing before bed, I tell him all about how proud I am of him for what he's done that day, I tell him about how much I love him, I tell him about all the people who love him. It's a wonderful, quiet, bonding time just the two of us.

I suffered from bad PPD. We're talking Very Scary Thoughts - images of what could happen to my son, what I could (hypothetically) do to my son would pop into my head. I barely slept. I was angry - furious! - and would stop whatever I was doing and have a little anger-fit alone. I would cry, constantly. I was convinced that my sons' dad was trying to hurt him, would take him away, wanted to get between us (actually, now that I'm fully sane and he's threatened to abduct him, I see those fears weren't entirely irrational).

You are doing fine. Just get into the action, and don't tell yourself you haven't bonded - it's a long process of love. Again, talk with your doctor about your fears of ppd, breastfeeding problems, and bonding. In a few weeks, see how you are feeling. If you ever feel like you're going to hurt yourself, your son, or anyone else, get to the doctor immediately. But in a few weeks, re-evaluate how you are doing, with the doctor. Your doc may recommend antidepressants, counselling, or not. If you feel he or she isn't being helpful enough, tell them, and/or get a second opinion.

Hang in there. The first few months can be a really rough adjustment.

Answer 2

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. If you think you may have postpartum please see your Dr because it is very real and they can help. Its hard when you are so excited about having a baby and it ends up being so different than how your imagined it. It sounds like you have had some disappointments and are feeling down and your hubby doesn't seem to understand. That's tuff! First, you need to tell hubby exactly how you feel. He may need to help with household duties more so you can be there more if you want. I am sorry you didn't get to breastfeed and I understand the disappointment but over time, you will find other ways to bond. If you are feeling intimidated or nervous while changing the baby and caring for him he will pick up on it. Have confidence and talk to hubby about how you feel and tell him everything! Give it time and know that many women go through similar hardships. Have confidence in yourself because YOU are the mommy & your son does need and love you. It may take some time. i wish you the best of Luck.

Answer 3

It is normal to have doubts about your parenting abilities. This is totally norma feelings that you are having. If they persist for more than two weeks I would talk to my Dr. or if you have feeling of harming yourself or the baby, but you must understand that having a baby changes EVERYTHING and your hormones are still out of whack and can be for up to 6 months post partum. I would just suggest talking to your Dr. and seeing what he has to say. he may have other suggestions and techniques that can help you better cope with a new baby, and if you do have postpartum depression remember this does NOT make you a bad mother. I think if anything it makes you a good mother for recognizing that something is wrong and getting help for it..
I wish you all the luck!!

Answer 4

You probably just have the baby blues. Sometimes after you give birth you feel so helpless especially because of a hard recovery. I went through the same thing. You should talk to your husband and family because no one should be telling you those things. You're baby knows you more than anyone right now. You're his mother and he knows that. The bonding will come just be patient.

Answer 5

Yes I went trough that too! Right after I gave birth since he was my first one I thought I couldn't do nothing right. You should talk to your husband and tell him how you feel he probably doesn't know he's making you feel bad cause he's just focused on the new baby! You carried your baby for 9 months of course he knows you, babies feel a special bond with their mothers! Don't worry all that is gonna go away.... right now take it easy and enjoy your baby, remember there is no right way to take care of a baby.

Answer 6

I don't think this is post partum. I think you need to have time to yourself just you and the baby to bond .
try watching your husband when he changes the baby to see what he does that may be different.
Try nursing don't give, that is the one thing that your husband won't be able to do and it will give you precious bonding time with the little one. You should have a talk with your husband and let him know how you feel. also let him know that there are things that you would like to do without his help. How will you learn with him doing it all the time. express yourself, if you don't it will only get worse.
Good luck.

Answer 7

i dont think it is postpartum depression maybe just depression because you feel left out, tell you husband you would like to do more and it really hurts your feeling and you are having a hard time spend as much time with him as you can hunny he will warm up to you it is not because you are a bad mom or not doing enough newborns are funny they have their own little ways dont feel bad about the breast feeding either it is not like you chose not to be able to do it be happy that you have a beautiful son and look forward to all the fun things to come i cried a lot too after i had my daughter you hormones are still out of whack the are just trying to adjust back to normal if you depression gets extreme thought talk to you doctor they will be able to help you good luck and you sound like a great mom to me

Answer 8

if there is no reason you cannot breast feed and you want to, go and see a lactation consultant, they can help you out. as i tell my partner (who thinks our 7 week old boy doesnt want to be around him and only me) you need to persist - and i know its hard when they scream all the time but persistance will get you there. do you have some form of mother clinic where you are? they allow you to go to the clicic for a day or somes stay over for afew days/nights. they help you with all sorts of things - feeding, settling, bonding techniques etc. if you have one of those, give it a go.

also i agree with everyone else, tell your husband how you feel, that when he says thinks like your baby doesnt know you and takes over every time you try to do something for your child and it cries, it hurts you and that you are feeling blue.

goodluck, hope everthing works out fine.

Answer 9

I agree with Melanie....
You'll be ok honey... It gets better. Hang in there!
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