She just got here last week and has already asked me to close my robe FIVE times!
2007-03-15 10:56:43 · 13 answers · asked by ? 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Roll up a newspaper and whack her every time she craps where she shouldn't.
2007-03-15 10:59:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're not wearing those sexy knee high socks. Maybe she'll dress up as the pizza boy?
Derwood: Why hello, young Kevin, you are that sprightly, pimply-faced fellow from the Gorgon's Pizza and Wings restaurant. I am so glad it is you delivering my food, Won't you come in for a refreshment?
Mother in law: Thank you, Mr. Stevens. I would be glad of something to wet my throat. You see, I have been driving a long time and I am very thirsty. Here is your pizza, it is just the way you like it. Pepperoni, sausage, extra cheese, and gummi worms.
Derwood: Thank you, Kevin. Please, follow me into the kitchen where we can partake of some gin lemonade.
Mother in-law: Okay.
Derwood: (pours drinks and sits down on a stool with bathrobe dangling open). Here you are, Kevin. Drink up, young man. You certainly have rippling muscles.
Mother in-law: Oh, why Mr. Stevens, thank you for such a lovely compliment. I work out at the Y twice a week. Sometimes Mr. Popeil, the retired football coach, takes me to the staff sauna for some private lessons.
Derwood: Hmmm, really? I'll have to speak to someone in management about that. Won't you sit a little bit closer to me?
MILF (typing out Mother in-law takes too long): Yes, I will sit next to you, Mr. Stevens. This lemonade is delicious. I feel all...dreamy.
Derwood: Drink up, Kevin. I like the way those jeans appear to be painted on your skin.
MILF: Yeah...they...were hard to squeeze...what the f*ck did y-
(MILF slides off the stool and collapses on the floor, unconscious. Her porcine body ridiculously splayed)
Derwood: ALICE!
Alice (a distant voice from upstairs): WHAT?
Derwood: I'M GOING TO THE POLISH LEGION FOR A FEW ROUNDS OF AIR HOCKEY WITH THE BOYS!
Alice: WHERE'S MY MOTHER?
Derwood: (looks down at his mother in-law with sinister contempt, yet a hint of a sly smile dances on one corner of his mouth). I THINK SHE'S AT THE NIEGHBOUR'S CYNTHIA PARTY!
Alice: MY MOTHER'S AT A CYNTHIA PARTY???
Derwood: WELL WHY NOT, SHE PARADES AROUND IN A GARTER BELT AND PRETENDS SHE'S BEA ARTHUR AT A USO DANCE ALL DAY!
Alice: LEAVE AN OUTDOOR LIGHT ON WHEN YOU GO!
Derwood: Well Mrs. Robinson, it's time you and took a little drive. Let's go you old heiffer. You've cornered your last bull.
(Fetches a length of nylon rope from the pantry and begins to tie up the woman on the floor.)
Lights fade out, curtain closes.
2007-03-15 12:14:22 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You better keep that robe closed, You may get Morehead from Angus than Samantha. What about that Serena.
You never did answer my questions about that hot sister.
2007-03-15 12:10:37 · answer #3 · answered by Ben R 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well are you indecent or is your pj's revealing? If not then ignore her. It is your house do what you want do not let her tell you what to do. If you allow this it will never end. Have a talk with her now and ask her what her problem is? Get it out now. But do it nicely.
2007-03-15 11:03:04 · answer #4 · answered by CHAEI 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Blind her or go from the pre-op to the post-op phase of your sex change surgery. Shemales are a bit much for the uninitiated.
2007-03-15 11:05:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Last week? Get rid of the old bag
2007-03-15 11:00:59 · answer #6 · answered by Johnny Walker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
roll your iguana back up into it's hammock, Derwood. That is one whipping around piece o tail you don't want to mess with.
2007-03-15 13:11:04 · answer #7 · answered by turtle girl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Kick her out
2007-03-15 11:00:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Close your robe!!!
2007-03-15 11:00:14 · answer #9 · answered by CALAVA 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That would be "cramping" your style.
2007-03-15 10:59:20 · answer #10 · answered by LolaCorolla 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋