we are separated and decided to take things slow...what can I do?

Question

My husband and I have been separated for a very short time. He is very depressed and things got out of control. He decided to leave.He came over yesterday and he had been crying. He said he loves me very much. I asked him if he wanted to make this marriage work. he said yes. He has an appointment with a psychiatrist, and so thats a start. We decided to take things slowly, hes not moving back in just yet. Hes also scared to face my parents after leaving and hurting me so bad. I want to know what kinds of things I can do to slowly work our way back together. I have never done this before. and with him being depressed it puts a different spin on things. I love him very much and he loves me. I didnt realize depression could be this bad. Also, my parents are angry at him for leaving us which is understandable, but how can i make them see that I love him, he is my husband and I cant just turn my back and never look back.

also, my parents automatically asume hes had an affair. I believe in my heart that he didnt, but they seem to think i should just be done. Its only been a week and a half

Answer 1

Ok, first thing first.

You two agree that you two still love each other, right? Ok. We are all humans and we all make mistakes. And based on what you said, maybe he is really in such a depression that it wasn’t a real mistake, but an act of desperation that he can’t really control.

So, if we agree on all this, then let me ask you, what did you swear when you got married? That you will be together, take care of him, and will be with him in good and bad. Right? And he did the same. Well, this is the bad time, and you two promised to each other to help each other, so that is what you have to do.

Next, your parents. Yes, you are right, they are mad, he is afraid now of them, blah, blah, blah. But guess what, they are not the primary objective here. From the day yo got married, you started a new family and your husband and kids are now you r first priority.

If your parents or the President of the United States agree or not about you, him, or what you guys do is irrelevant. You must concentrate on helping him. Forget about your parents. Tell your husband that is not important. They can be confronted later. And they will understand and forgive, and if not, is their problem, not yours.

Let him know you are there for him, and that you do want the relation to work. Always talk, be honest, ask him to be honest, and also ask him to try not to fight, and you promise him that you will not fight either. If you guys get mad, hit a pillow or something. Just don’t fight. If his condition is for real, he needs all the help possible, and that includes you having patience.

Do get medical help, and also I suggest you talk to your parents, alone (without him on front) and ask them to give it a chance. Ask them to not to interfere with the process. That you do love him, you know he loves you, and you guys are giving each other another chance. They must stay back and be quiet like it or not.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Don't give up on this. A major depressive episode can really knock a person to their knees. I think you'll notice a huge difference after your husband has been on the medication that his psychiatrist will prescribe. It usually takes a few weeks to take effect, but you'll basically feel that you have your old husband back. Reassure him that you are there for him.

With regards to your parents, try and explain to them that your husband is experiencing deep depression and that in his state he left because he was so miserable. Tell them the above about meds kicking in and looking forward to having your old hubby back. Tell them that you are sticking with this, and you very much want and need their support in this very difficult time.

Good luck, you are the glue ... bless your heart!!

Answer 3

When my husband left he insisted that there was no one else. It turns out there was. He did, at one point, decide that he had made a mistake and wanted to come back (but he wasn't willing to go to marriage counseling). The biggest factor in this not working was that he had hurt my family almost as much as he had hurt me. His family had believed all of his lies and had not wanted to be involved in any dispute (my husband and I never fought, rarely argued, and had what most people thought was a rock solid marriage). We had a great kid, had just built a house together, and I had just finished a year of cancer treatments. It's been 3 yrs. now since he told me he didn't want to be married anymore.
If you both want to mend this you need to act on it and soon. Go to a counselor and have him sign a fidelity contract - not just regarding cheating, but also about being committed to your original marriage contract. Most men need something like this to 'make it real' in their minds. Rules and guidelines often help.

Answer 4

Just as you said he is YOUR husband and mom and dad should stay out of it. you take it one day at a time and try to trust him more everyday. Depression can hurt so much and so many. Make sure you are his support and that he follows up with the Dr. and takes his meds regularly and don't stop once he feels better. You married for better or for worse and right now he needs you and not what your parents think.

Answer 5

Then be there for him just like you would if your best girlfriend was going through this. Your parents have no right to butt in here. The last thing he needs to be concerned about is what your parents will think of him. You are their child, and they are therefore biased with good reason, because they care for you, but THEY are not in the marriage...you are. You need to let them know that you very much appreciate their concern, but that YOU have to make this decision, and you need them to just hang back, and support you in whatever you decide to do whether or not they agree with it. My mother once said, "Don't tell me what **** does to you, because you might forgive him, but I never will.", and to this day, I believe that was good advice. Let him know that you're not giving up on him, but that you need to make sure you don't jump right back into the same old vicious cycles. Protect yourself too. (and your children if you have them.)

Answer 6

confident, your husband might desire to sign the start certificates, yet isn't that seen making a pretend assertion on a criminal rfile? isn't that egocentric of you and only basic incorrect? To have your husband sign that start certificates has the aptitude to reason all forms of problems later. the reality won't stay hidden constantly and it will carry over your head each and every time you seem at your toddler. And does not the organic and organic father need to nicely known? issues will by no ability "be ok". you made the choice to get right into a sexual courting with somebody on a similar time as you have been nonetheless legally married. you presently might desire to settle for the reality of that determination rather of attempting to 'sweep it under the rug'. no longer an ordinary difficulty, yet I think of which you already know what you need to do.

Answer 7

Your parents have your best interest at heart. But it is your marriage. Gentley tell them that it's your choice to work through this. Don't rule out the possibility that there has been an affair, just to be on the alert, too. Good luck.

Answer 8

Well first of all he didnt marrie your parents, therefore it shoulnt matter about your parents nore his. You two have got to work thighs out on your own and not with your parents. As far as depression its all in the mine its like fighting a drug problem....He has to fine his self and try to under stand his self and fine out what his own problem is.Some people try running from their problems and not even know the problem. I myself fight depression, but I have it undercontrol and he has to know how to control it.He needs time to his self. As far as your marage when you truly love someone and you know they need help you never walk away. The true love will take play and everything will be ok. Time will make a heart strong and love that goes on. You yourself need to be strong to and help him if you wanna stay togeather. I hope you guys the best and good luck

Answer 9

Don't worry about what your parents think.. its your life..

Now about taking things slow. My advice would first to the both of you to see a marriage counsellor. Find out the problems and get them fixed. If you want to take things slow start by 'dating' him again. You know.. go out to dinner, a movie, a show or whatever you enjoy. Start like you are dating him again and when things are ready he will move back in and become your husband again.

Good luck

Answer 10

Your parents need to understand that Depression is a mental illness. Your husband loves you a lot and didn't mean to hurt you on purpose. He has a disease that needs to be treated and he is taking the steps to get there. I would explain all that to your parents and just be supportive with your hubby. He will need your love and support to overcome his depression.