and now he is acting like nothing every happened...he just comes home and starts playing his video game...talks to me as if everything is fine....I mean, we were talking divorce, it was one of our worst ones yet. But I just can't be like him...he says things that hurt SO bad that I can't ever forget about them....I tried to talk about it just now, and he freaked out because he didn't want to "re-hash" what we already did...but really I think he was just more concerned about pausing his video game? What to do?
2007-03-15 10:30:22 · 27 answers · asked by Courtney 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Set up an appointment to discuss it with him when he can manage to tear himself away from his games. Let him know that you, being a woman, need resolution. That's a lot different than rehashing. Men want something to be over and done with just like that while women generally need to process the whole thing and will want to discuss it later just to really make sure it's finished before it's forgotten. It's just a matter of being thorough for women and reinforcing that it's resolved to everyone's satisfaction.
2007-03-15 10:40:15 · answer #1 · answered by greyrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's just trying to avoid the problem in the hopes that it will go away. Maybe he's just afraid that if you talk about it, the hurt will come back up again and more words that he regrets will be said.
I don't think it's a good idea to just let it lie, especially if the word divorce comes up. Stuff like that can fester, even if the words weren't true. If he doesn't want to talk about it, why not write him a letter and give it to him when he can read it on his own? That way, he'll know where you stand on the issue, and maybe he'll come talk to you about it?
Either way, I really hope you guys work it out. Good luck!
2007-03-15 10:37:09 · answer #2 · answered by mikah_smiles 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard one to me. Only because my husband and I have been married 12 years and get along well. But when we get into major fights like that, I know my husband will take time out, and not talk about it for days. Then, he will come and want to talk about it. Its almost like, he's thinking about it and wondering what he could do to solve our problem. Men are like that, most of the time they do not want to show emotion, or admit that potentially yes, they were wrong. But on the other hand, you may just give him his space. I know the last thing my husband would want, is my up in his face, 'oh well you said this, and this, and this and you said that'. Just give him some time, he'll come around. hope this helps.
2007-03-15 11:51:11 · answer #3 · answered by smurfie45 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! One thing I DO know about men after (ahem) a few long term relationships, is that once a fight is over, they simply STOP thinking about it.
Us women, we have this tendency to go over and over and over something until we can find an acceptable solution - and it often appears to guys that we are just talking about the same thing, in exactly the same words - to them it seems a waste of time.
I reckon (I'm no authority though) that he will have mostly forgotten about the details of the fight. I know he's hurt you, but if you want to make things work, both of you will have to apologise.
He's playing his game so he can avoid having to rehash it - you see! Its not that he doesn't care, or wasn't hurt by what happened - its just the male brain way of thinking.
2007-03-15 10:37:41 · answer #4 · answered by iliketorideigohago 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When the fight was over the other night did you apologize to each other when it was over? I have heard to never bring up past fights. It just causes other fights. Leave him a note in the morning and tell him you guys need to talk about the other night without fussing! I don't know what it was about but if you are gonna forgive him then you need to talk it out and move on. If you are gonna file for divorce then do it.
2007-03-15 10:41:38 · answer #5 · answered by - 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would hide his video game tell he you need his full attention. And let him know how you feel. Because let me tell you I think you scar more when it is verbally then fiscally. You have the control, if you do not do it now, he will keep doing it. And things can get bad. Where it will turn and you will be the one who will not want to hear him any more. And if he chooses his video game then let it be. Because when he gets bored with his little game it will be too late. You do not have to put your self threw this. Tell him if you wanted to take care of a child you would have put an Ade in the news paper.
2007-03-15 10:46:13 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs. Latina 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just go up to him and patiently and kindly tell him that you don't want to interfere with his game, but when he has time, you would like to ask him a few questions about something that has been bothering you.
then just wait and if he doesn't remember you asked, ask him again later on, when things are calmed down.
If he doesn't go there, just let it go....he cannot deal with it.
The next time their is a huge fight starting to happen, don't explode with it, just quietly say....when we can talk in normal voices I will reply back to you.
We had a marriage counselor tell us, to listen real good, without saying..."but you did this or that" never do that, just focus on what you are talking ( auguring ) about. Do not bring up other past issues. If he gets mad about something, ask him how you can improve in it....and then tell him if you can do ..what he just told you ..you should do.
It's all in communicating in a adult manner.
respecting each other, and trying to understand the other partner, where they are coming from.
Be forgiving, and patient, and look at the good things, not the bad.
Don't make a mountain out of a molehill.
learn to laugh and love.
:)
2007-03-15 10:54:46 · answer #7 · answered by Mama 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
U might desire to place ur foot down and supply him an altimatium. No gorwn guy with a kinfolk must be working to his mum and dad abode for canopy he desires to to a guy and handle his problems at his very own residence. it rather is between u and him no longer his kinfolk i'm particular they possibly enjoying a roll in it to why he hasn't come back abode. are not getting discourage or enable him make u experience u did some thing incorrect, arise for ur self. do no longer hassle him anymore, whilst he calls tell him if he desires to communicate to u he desires to be a guy and face u at abode or there's no longer something extra to communicate and delay. using fact he thinks the ball is in his courtroom and so he takes earnings of the area, it is not how u handle marriage problems. instruct him ur no longer takking his crap anymore he desires to come again abode artwork on the marriage or probability lossing u and the kinfolk. What ever u do do no longer push him to a techniques over the sting do exactly no longer tolerate his infantile habit. stable success!!a million
2016-10-18 11:39:36 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF you and he were talking divoce then the idea is already there. look in to it. It might be the best thing you have done. My x-wife wanted the divorce and I did not. Now I am happier then i have ever been.
Thank you X you gave me a new life
and yeah she is happy also
2007-03-15 10:46:36 · answer #9 · answered by bendragon13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men would rather just get over something and move on. I'm that way with my wife, if we have a fight, I want it to be done with and move on. Women tend to hang on to things and more emotional. This probably doesn't mean he thinks little of the fight but truely means he is done with it. I'm not sure what to tell you on how to get over it yourself, but you'll need to find a way.
2007-03-15 10:36:04 · answer #10 · answered by mac_attack_51 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋