I've been brought up an only child, and was used to getting my way. I've been with my fiance for over a year, but i have a problem letting go of that "it's gonna be my way" attitute. As much as i want him to be the dominant one in the relationship, i love the control also. He's very submissive, so he doesn't seem to mind, but i know it's horrible for our relationship. How can i learn to let him have some control, and still be happy?
p.s. wow, i know i sound like a total b****, but i'm not really. We compromise on big things, but i want my way on little things (ex. what's for dinner)
2007-03-15 10:22:24 · 12 answers · asked by Andii 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Like someone else said, he must like it that way. I do agree with you, though, that it must be terrible for your relationship-especially in the long-run. I don't know of any woman who has been happy in the long-run being the dominant one in the relationship. Not to say that it doesn't happen, I just have not met any that I know of.
If he does not posses the desire or will to take control and wants to marry you anyway, I really don't see a power shift occurring in the relationship.
That's just based on MY personal experiences. Guys who love their wives generally try to avoid confrontation with their spouses for a number of reasons, especially over things of small significance.
2007-03-15 10:33:56 · answer #1 · answered by Leroy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't sound like a b****. You sound like someone who isn't ready to be in a relationship. Just the fact that you think that someone should be the dominant one is a sign of that. You said that you want him to be dominant. Why? Neither of you should be dominant. it's a joint effort. I say that the way to fix this is to talk to each other about all of the decisions to be made. Always ask what your partners opinion is and let them explain why they feel a certain way. If you do this then you will be able to really decide what is best instead of just being controlling.
2007-03-15 17:37:49 · answer #2 · answered by Vince R 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I guess the only answer I can give you, is to bite your tongue when you feel the need to dominate. In time, if you continue to keep the control, and your husbands continues to be submissive, you will see him in a totally different light...you will see him as weak which will make it easier for you to control him. You have to start now....back off a little, give him a say, make him make a decision, because if you dont do it now, it will be too easy for him to just sit back and allow you to make all the decisions. The things that I would be most afraid of, if your control is out of hand, would be in 10, maybe 20 years time, your husband gets sick of it and says enough is enough and leaves you for another woman....a woman he feels is his equal, not his dominator. I wont go into detail, but I have seen this happen.....it only takes one woman to come into your husband's life to show him how to love himself more...how to be confident in speaking his mind and having a say....only one. Look into the future because if you dont tone it down a little bit, then one woman may just come into your husbands life to change it forever.....take care and be very careful where your dominance may lead in the future.
2007-03-15 17:32:40 · answer #3 · answered by rightio 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Wow! You sound like me!
Problem is that in my relationship it is a constant power struggle because we are both so head strong. Lot of spats but we've been together for 3 1/2 years.
I really don't know what to tell you because everytime I try to stop being like that something comes up and I am running off at the mouth again.
If you figure it out let me know too because I hate being like this.
2007-03-15 18:23:43 · answer #4 · answered by nursegrneyes2002 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that this is something that you want to change and you would like his help. Have him tell you when you are being to controlling (even if he doesn't mind, he will care and do this because he knows you want to change). Work out a signal or 'word' for when this happens in public.
He will appreciate this down the road - that you want to change for him and for yourself. One thing to think about and discuss, though, is that he may have been very attracted to you for your strength and ability to take charge. A compromise may be the perfect answer.
2007-03-15 17:34:34 · answer #5 · answered by greyrider 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look sometimes in a relationship you are going to have problems with your pride. That's understandable but even with that you have to look at it this way. he might not show you signs but deep down inside he is. That's one of the main reasons for yo man to cheat on you. Now I'm not saying its going to happen but it could if you don't stop. No one can help with this situation for real unless you talk to him about it. what I'm giving you is the basic report of what you need to do. Not steps to making you stop.
2007-03-15 17:34:10 · answer #6 · answered by mrintelligent12 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least you realize you are a brat. That is good. You are however with the wrong guy to tame you. Probably a girl like you would do well with a Muslim man. You would get over your little tirades and power trips in a matter of moments. Give it a thought. You are on the right track with your admission.
2007-03-15 17:52:54 · answer #7 · answered by Jay S 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just take turns at being dominant!
2007-03-15 17:28:09 · answer #8 · answered by Ariadne on TAURUS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a Caveman at home...and he is truly Head of the Household....although he does seek my opinion............he gets to be King, but I am his Queen!
2007-03-15 17:32:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Develop a self-sacrificing attitude. Don't make it all about you - put his preferences before yours.
2007-03-15 17:48:00 · answer #10 · answered by Zabes 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋