We have been married 11 years and been together for a total of 14 yrs. We have 3 beautiful children. I fully support her financially. I work 80plus hours a week and she stays home and mothers our children. She loves me and I know this with all my heart. She says she's bisexual and that she would never leave me. I believe her. Should we try to work through this or should we seek counseling? I feel no negative feelings about her being bi. It would be good for her since I cannot be there physically for her all the time. Am I being too naive about this?
2007-03-15 10:18:57 · 30 answers · asked by Felipe S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Since the day she told me she was bi, she says she would like to bring another girl into our sex life. I tell her triangles are jagged and sharp....I don't know what to think......
2007-03-15 10:26:49 · update #1
Marine'sWife brings up a good question. What about the kids? What if she wants to go out on dates? We have been married this long because we communicate clearly and honestly with each other. Would it be cool to have a 3some? Sure. Would I want my wife to begin a 2nd emotional relationship? No. Should I demand, sex only and no emotional entanglements?
2007-03-15 10:33:58 · update #2
I know she loves me. Its not in my head. I trust her to go out occasionaly to clubs and bars. She assures me that I am the only man she ever wants and needs.
2007-03-15 10:38:47 · update #3
Thank you to all who answered. You all have helped me gain more insight and focus.
2007-03-15 10:44:14 · update #4
Mr. Felipe you are a strong man and a husband,I respect you as a man that can talk about this. The two of you love each others very much and finally she told you her deepest secret and you embrace it. Counseling will not do any good except to embarrass your wife not from you but for that person that will talk to both of you. I can not judge you and your wife, and I never disrespect people who is gay, lesbian or bi, all of us are human and you and your wife do not hurt no one by admitting her secret. She's a good mother to your children and a good wife to you.
And you sir are so open minded that you do understand who she is and I think she's very lucky to have you. You are not naive nor stupid for asking people here what to do, but the only thing that I can say is follow your heart,do not mind what others respond about you and your wife. When the time comes and you both want to tell your children,that will be your choice,do not let people tell you what to do. I hope that this help..................good luck to both of you!!
2007-03-15 10:45:30 · answer #1 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well there is so many ways you can go about this. I don't think yall should end yall's marriage in any way because of this. Yall should find some time alone and talk about it. Tell her how you fell about it. But what ever you do I don't think you should have a threesome with her unless yall are totally comfortable with the third person. And with you working 80+ hours a week, there is no sex life. At least she is just sleeping with a girl and not cheating on you with a guy that could get her pregnant! Now that would be a problem. Hope i could help you. Good luck!
2007-03-15 17:41:39 · answer #2 · answered by MILF 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you are ok with it, then is ok, if not, then you have a problem.
But the real problem here is cheating, and worse, leaving you for someone else, in this case a woman.
Are you sure she loves you to death? Same with your children? If so, if this is a fact, then is not as bad. She might just want to have some fun with other girls. Again, is up to you if you want to accept it. Would you like to watch? Or participate (threesome)?
I think the best thing is to talk to her, don’t forget communication is the key to a good and healthy relation. Tell her what you think, your concerns, and your limits. Ask her the same, and come up with an agreement. You two should be mature adults now, so as long you can understand each other, and do some sacrifices for each other, then you should be fine. That is how love works.
Good luck, and have fun!
2007-03-15 17:32:02 · answer #3 · answered by Dan D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, my take:
Being bi-sexual doesn't necessarily mean she has some kind of uncontrollable sexual urges that must be indulged anymore than the rest of us-or even YOU (her husband)-do. Being bi doesn't make her a "special" case anymore than you or anyone else as far as sexual urges or attraction goes. It simply means that she finds women to be sexually attractive just like she finds men. That's not much different than you saying to her that she's not the only person in the world you find sexually attractive.
Do you see the point? Lot's of women find other women attractive. It doesn't mean that they have some excuse to act on that attraction (particularly if they are married). Lust is lust, whether it be towards a man or a woman. If it were me, I'd really be worried if she told me she were a lesbian. That's a much bigger issue than her telling me she thinks women are sexy or physically attractive.
The question is, are you okay with her acting on it. I have a take on that as well:
She really just wants to have a little fun and she wants your permission to do it. It's still infidelity, whether you agree to it or not, and it wouldn't be fair to you if you didn't get to join in or have a little fun of your own.
The problem-other than the obvious moral concerns-is that it could destroy your marriage. Some have survived and it can be powerfully exciting. But that kind of fun comes with major risks of severe damage to your relationship and family life as you know it. This answer would be way too long for me to describe all the ones that I personally know of here.
Think hard before you allow yourself and your wife to go down that road.
2007-03-15 18:50:36 · answer #4 · answered by Leroy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Before the two of you will even have a chance of working it out...you will definately need professional counseling. Yes you do have kids and that complicates things.... The first step is to realize exactly what she wants to do with her life..... and hopefully it will be workable with your life.... but in most cases this scenario is is destined for failure. Don't bring a third into the bedroom....that could complicate things further.
After all the years...it is obvious that you to don't really know each other afterall. First off, you have to realize that her feelings are not unusual... Before she does anything to change your opinion of her...she needs to figure out who she is and what she wants.
Yes you are being a bit naive....... I hate to burst your bubble. But this situation is way beyond working it out alone.... time to get help.
2007-03-15 17:54:39 · answer #5 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you allow her to bring other women into your relationship two things could happen. You can be attracted to the other woman or she can. Why don't you have fun with it, as long as you both can handle it. Tell her she cannot go out on dates because you are married. If she wants to do this you must be a part of it or things will not turn out well. Think about it look before you leap!!! Have fun! Most guys would die for this situation, its the male fantasy.
2007-03-15 18:30:13 · answer #6 · answered by jjeano661 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her being bi doesn't put any pressure on you man. You are heterosexual and that doesn't put any extra pressure on her. If you are committed to each other than it doesn't matter. I say you should just continue to love each other and don't get to caught up on it. I would not bring another person into the relationship personally. I think that marriage is all about that connection between the two of you and if you bring someone else in then it's destroyed. To me, having a woman even suggest that to me would make me think that she didn't respect me or wasn't committed to me. also, your wife may just be testing you to see if you are committed to her. Maybe she wants to see if you want other women. i say just go with what you feel and don't feel pressured to betray yourself for your wife. Your real partner would never ask you to betray yourself anyway.
2007-03-15 17:32:40 · answer #7 · answered by Vince R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she has sex with someone besides you and does NOT have your permission, then it is cheating. If you are uncomfortable with the aspect of bringing a 3rd into your marriage then do NOT allow for it.
The fact is this: Being Bi does not give you a free pass to have sex with someone who is not your spouse. All being Bi means is that you look at both sexes equally when determining sexual attractiveness.
I am Bi, I only have sex with my husband. I chose him above all others (male and female), he was the best of everyone. If I ever truly want to bed a woman, I must divorce my husband first.
2007-03-15 17:38:31 · answer #8 · answered by Poppet 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is an issue that I too am wrestling with. I know for a fact that my wife finds women a turn on, and am uncertain about how to move forward for fear of damaging our relationship. There's a part of me that really, really, really wants to help her explore that, and another part of me that's afraid that she'll be happier with the opposite sex, or will become disinterested in boring old me. I hope you find a resolution.....
2007-03-15 17:35:31 · answer #9 · answered by taotedan 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you're being amazingly understanding about it, since the rules were "changed" mid-stream on you. If you're okay with it, then better for both of you. But I'm not sure I'd let my children know if they are too young to understand these type of things. It's not something I'd want for myself in a relationship either, but if you can deal with it, it's your life. But I'd make it clear there are not going to be a separate set of rules for me than for her. If she can play, so can you. Maybe she won't want to play so much then.
2007-03-15 17:23:13 · answer #10 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋