I want to have a baby.?

Question

I am 20 yrs old. Have been with my bf for over 3yrs. I want to have a baby and so does he (sometimes). The only thing I keep thinking about is we aren't finacially stable. But I want to have one soo bad. Am I too young to even be thinking about this?

Answer 1

I think 20 is young, but not too young. What kind of situation are you in? if your still in school I would wait, I can tell you from personal experience everything gets harder and takes longer with a baby (I was 19 when I had my son and I'm going to school now, alone since my husband is in Iraq, and it's not exactly a cake walk). Do you both have jobs? the amount of money you make isn't really important, although people will tell you it is. If you can comfortably support yourself you can support a baby, just don't count on using the government to pay for them. It's true babies are very expensive, but being rich does not make you a good parent, and being poor doesn't make you a bad one. I don't remember not having money growing up, i had no idea we were broke, I do remember having an amazing mom who loved me and took care of me. I think the most important thing is stability in your relationship, unless you want to be a single mom. Having a baby when you're not married is totally possible, but you need to really know that you will be together forever because breaking up in hard on a child. I think it's great that you are planning this and thinking about it maturely (with me it was like "hey I'm pregnant, what do we do now?") just put some serious thought into it and if you feel that you are ready and that you could give a child a good life, go for it.

Answer 2

If I could do it all over again, I would have waited until I was older. I love my children, and would never trade anything for them, but if I knew then what I know now, things would probably be different. And I would have waited until after I was married. I'm sure you would be a wonderful mother, but getting a little more life experience is a great tool to have before becoming a parent. And that goes for your boyfriend too. Being a father is just as hard as being a mom. Yes, raising children is a very expensive, life-changing event. Make sure you are prepared for the shock. I would also consider having excellent health insurance. Having the baby will cost you, first of all. But children go to the doctor all the time. Copays add up quick and I don't even want to experience paying full price for doc visits and prescriptions.

I hope you think about it more. Why don't you try volunteering for a while? You obviously have alot of love to give and there are many babies and children who need to be held more in their little lives. It would be a good way to gain experience too.

Answer 3

What is it about turning 20?

ALL of my friends went through the same thing when we turned 20. Consequently only two of us don't have any children now five years later.

It's up to you and your partner whether it would be best to have a baby right now. I can tell you that the financial situation is a big area of concern whenever you are raising children and it's the only thing my husband and I fight about - and the fights are HEINOUS!!!

There's no such thing as waiting too long to have a baby while you're still in your 20s (and most of your 30s), so the best advice that my mother always gave to me was to wait another year and then discuss the situation a little more. If in a full year you still feel the same way, then you can feel more confident in trying for a baby. If you don't feel the same way in a year, you will have saved yourself a lot of grief!

Talk about it some more with your partner. You don't want to have a baby with a man who isn't enthusiastic about it because you will need help from him. If he's not as sure as you are, it might be best not to have a baby right now and respect his feelings. He'll come around eventually if you give it some time.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

I don't think your young , you are an adult and can make that decision for yourself. However , you did mention that you are not financially stable , now that can be a problem , because having a baby is expensive (very) . I think you should wait until your financial situation is a little more stable . You don't want to have a baby and then end up on public assistance . Well this is only my opinion. Good Luck with whatever decision you make !

Answer 5

No, you aren't too young, I think that the younger you have your children, the more you can enjoy them, as you have more energy to play with them etc...

However... If you're not financially stable, it may be the wrong thing to do at the moment. It all depends on what you mean by financially stable - do you mean not rich? Or do you mean living on the edge only just getting to the end of the month?

My mum said to me: "If you keep thinking about it and putting it off, you'll find there's never a right time to have a baby" - she was right, when me and my b/f sat down and looked at figures we realised that we could afford it, and I'm now 32 weeks pregnant!

Good luck with your decision, think carefully about it, and sit down like we did and work out earnings and outgoings...

:-)

-I had my first at 17 (I was a bit too young, but he's the light of my life!) I'm now 23, and expecting a girl, finally financially and emotionally stable.

Answer 6

I honestly think you are too young. You should think about getting married first. I got married when I was 20 and my husband and I wanted kids so badly. But now I'll turn 24 next month and we still dont have kids. and yeah, I do want one or two or six, but when I look back at our four years together I realize how much we have grown and how much we have united even more and I think that a baby back then would have been a downfall for us, and even now I really want one and am really hoping to have one soon, but if I dont i can wait because I know that when I do have one it will be amazing and I will be even more prepared for one.

Answer 7

You definately need to be financially stable ON YOUR OWN FIRST before even thinking of having a child. Kids take TONS of money. You must buy them food, clothing, a place to live, & all the extras like when they join cheerleading or the basketball team. Even little league costs!! Dance classes.

And of course, HEALTH INSURANCE. And then, what if they become very ill? Are you going to end up a single parent & have to hold down a job while putting your child in daycare? If so, daycare is VERY VERY EXPENSIVE.

And what about time to yourself on those bad bad days that will come?? Are you going to be able to take a couple hours off & just relax? Will you need to pay a sitter during these couple of hours?? How will you manage?

Just taking him or her out to eat with you or getting on a bus costs more!! So, you definately need to think about the financial part of taking care of a child.

I know what the US government says it costs to raise a child per month...... they ARE SO FAR OFF BASE!!! About $139 per child or less if you have more children. Let's face it!! It costs a whole lot more than that to raise a child!!! Health insurance alone can cost more than that!!

To begin with, you'll need:

Diapers.................. which costs about $75 monthly (bare minimum)
Clothing.................. ????
Formula................. about $200 monthly (or more)
Bottles....................about $25 to start out with
Increase in rent......about $150 monthly (for 1 extra bedroom)
Daycare Costs......now run about $1000 monthly (if you work full time)

There is a REALITY here!! You have heard of so many people, mostly fathers; who will sit & argue over the little bit of child support they are ordered to pay. Yet, you can see; for MOST people....... child support doesn't even cover medical or daycare costs!!

I hope that you think about this a lot before you go there!!

Answer 8

you realy need to sit down and think about this. 1. is he the one u know r going to spend the rest of yr life with. 2 are you financially stable cuz babies arnt cheap.and 3 yr still so young go and enjoy yr life first you have plenty of time for kids later on , have fun while you can. as a mother of 3 i had my first when i was 17 im now 35 and god i love my kids more than words can say, but i wish i had waited till i was older as i missed out on having time to myself. having kids does not put your life on hold but u dont come first anymore they do.i have a 17 yr old and i tell her everyday wait till shes older and live her life first, yr only young once make the most of it. plenty of time for kids in the future. live yr life and if yr boyfriend loves you he will wait with you. xx

Answer 9

having a baby is hard, i had my kids when i was 19. The only thing i regretted with them is that i should have waited. We were broke and struggled day to day. A baby is a great thing, but wait until your more financially secure and maybe if you finish school. This may sound kooky, but maybe get a puppy. They need love and a ton of attention too and it might just be what you need to get the baby itch out.

Answer 10

I don't care what anyone says you are not financially stable if you are a normal person. Only high paying lawyers, Dr's. CEO's are ever stable. Those rest of us you just try to manage day to day, and we make due. Its hard no matter what, just be preprared to work a little harder to make something great of having a baby. My mom used to tell me that as long as I can provide the nessessities and love my baby, that god would be happy.