im ready to get married but he wants to wait. he says he wants to marry me, i don't understand why he wants to wait so long. we love each other why should we wait? he wants to wait another 2 years! what should i do?
2007-03-15 09:45:08 · 16 answers · asked by I Like It 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i have asked him why he says it' because of money but i don't want a huge wedding just for our parents and close relatives.
2007-03-15 09:55:14 · update #1
we already live together. we moved in together a month after we started dating, and have been together for 2 years.
2007-03-15 10:02:21 · update #2
Just be patient, he will come around. He obviously loves you and neither of you are going anywhere. Its hard, I went through the same thing, but he was worth waiting for. Looking back, I would just be glad that I had that much extra time to plan my wedding because it was a lot of work, even for a smaller one. I know you want to marry him right now, but men are just slower at this than us. Its no reflection on you. Good luck.
2007-03-15 10:32:27 · answer #1 · answered by Shellie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I may be assuming too much, but if you have been living together for 2 years you are probably sexual partners as well.
If this is the case, you may want to consider some generalities as you consider your situation. First, for many women sex is often about a relationship and commitment. So wanting to have something that validates a commitment on both sides (marriage) is a natural progression. Second, for many men sex is often more about satisfying a physical need. Because of this some men make the smallest amount of commitment possible in order to satisfy the physical need in the present.
If the guy you are living with is getting the "benefits" of marriage (sex) without having to make the commitment of marriage, why would he want to get married?
As others have said below, this could very well be about commitment. But not necessarilly a "fear" of commitment, just a lack of perceived need to commit (again because he's already got the sex).
It would be interesting to find out what his response would be if you made plans to move out; not stop the relationship - still be a steady couple planning for marriage, but not living together and not having sex.
The reason for you to do this is to be sure he is as committed to you as you are to him.
BUT, be prepared: many guys in this situation will get mad, try to pressure the woman to change her mind and/or still have sex. And if she refuses, they will move on to someone else who will satisfy their physical desires with sex and not care as much about the commitment.
This takes a lot of courage on your part! If you move out you take a chance on him getting mad and ending the "relationship." But if he does this you finally know where he stands on being committed to you as a person, not just a sexual partner. And this is better to know now rather than wait 2 more years to find out.
In the vast majority of cases, when guys say they want to wait 2, 3, 5 years (for whatever reason) they are focused more on the physical rather than the long-term relational part of living together. And, when the 2 years is up they typically want to wait longer - or they find someone else before the 2 year wait.
Also, be prepared. If you do say something about wanting to move out but continue the emotional part of the relationship without the sex, he will probably accuse you of trying to pressure him into marriage. REMEMBER: that is not what you are doing! The purpose is to really find out where his heart is. If his heart is with you as a person he will support your decision and then the 2 of you will really be able to focus on the wedding plans and your future together.
Finally, be cautious. Some men have agreed to this decision for a short period of time and then subtly attempted to move back into the sexual relationship after a few weeks or a few months. REMEMBER - it takes a lot of courage to make a decision to find out if there is really the potential for a long-term relationship, or if this is just about having a good time with someone in the present - and moving on to someone else later.
Also, I'm happy for the person that waited for her guy and it worked out. But this is an exception rather than the rule. There will be a tendency for you to think that your current relationship is also an exception. Yes, there is a chance that this is true, but if you went to Vegas and played odds like this you would generally end up broke.
2007-03-15 18:32:39 · answer #2 · answered by rays 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If one is ready and the other isn't it would be a
huge mistake to get married. Both parties have to
be ready to committ un-conditionally before any
marriage could work. Patience has it's rewards.
2007-03-15 22:51:51 · answer #3 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fear of committment.
That's a common reason.
So...you could wait. But you deserve to know why/for what you are waiting.
I would encourage you to ask him, "WHY?"
Don't take a non-answer. Be assertive. Him not answering indicates the beginnings of potential communication issues down the road.
Hope this helps
2007-03-15 16:55:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess it depends how long you've been together.
If it's been years and the both of you are around the mid-twenties agewise, then I'd think something was up that he didn't want to committ further.
If you've not been together for a long time and/or you're both young (or he's young) then give him the time he's asking for.
2007-03-15 16:54:17 · answer #5 · answered by chicchick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should ask him why he wants to wait. After he answers, talk it over with him. if it's a good reason, wait, if you really love him.
2007-03-15 17:01:05 · answer #6 · answered by petersgurl1995 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's obviously not ready to get married. To force him to do so by begging or nagging would be a huge mistake.
2007-03-15 16:50:31 · answer #7 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To use an old cliche' Why buy the cow when you are already getting the milk for free...That's why he's not "ready". There is no reason for him to get married.
2007-03-16 01:32:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever his reasoning is, it's best NOT to push him into it.
You'll just regret it later, and you'll get to hear about how "he really didn't want to get married right then", and you'll be hurt and feel like crap. Take it from me, you don't want that. Let him be, and if your biological clock is ticking, then let him know you really want to get on with life, and if he's not up for it, you might need to find someone who is...plain and simple.
2007-03-15 17:11:34 · answer #9 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him than wait with him.
It might be sooner than what he sais, you never know.
Have you talked to him about why he doesnt want to get married?
Talk to him and tell him how you feel and you will know why he wants to wait.
2007-03-15 16:50:48 · answer #10 · answered by Happily Married 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋