My sister-in-law has been dating her boyfriend since the beginning of last summer. They have talked about marriage. But he still hasn't proposed and she's getting impatient. She just graduated with a Masters in Accounting and has a great paying job and her own apartment. He still lives at home and hasn't finished college yet, he works for his dad and makes very little money. If they did marry she would being making all of the money and working while he continues going to school full-time. It probably will be another year or two until he finishes school. So are these possibly the reasons why he is hesitating or could it be something else like he's just scared of committment?
2007-03-15 09:33:31 · 25 answers · asked by mommyem 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My sister-in-law is my husband's sister.
2007-03-15 09:40:11 · update #1
Wow some of the people answering really do not understand love. Just because he is workin on a college degree and she has a masters is not a reason for her to look else where! Sheesh. My wife has her masters and she is going to be a stay at home mom because I am an Engineer and make enough to live off of. Maybe he will be in the same position and maybe he won't but loving someone has nothing to do with dollars!
To the poster: If I were in his shoes, I would feel awkward for one reason. Once I am married would we want kids soon? if so do I have the energy to be a stay a home dad and go to school nights? Some men would be bruised by their wife making more then them others handle it in stride (I know several stay at home dads). To be honest he might be waiting to know her for more then a year before proposing especially being no more then 21 or 22. Many people marry out of college thinking its all peaches and cream. Only to find out a few years later that this person is not mature or whatever. So is he scared, yup less then a year of a relationship at 21 years old. He should be scared! look at the divorce rates for people married when less then 25 yrs old. Its not pretty.
2007-03-15 09:48:17 · answer #1 · answered by kyrie_eleison_gr 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Nah. I don't think that those things are problems. There's nothing wrong with her making more money than him or being ahead of him as far as education goes.
I think that the answer has to do with the relationship. Firstly, they have only been together for about a year. Who wants to get married that soon? also, they don't even live together. Most people aren't just going to committ to marriage if they havn't committed to living together. Another possible problem may be that your sister in law is putting all of the pressure of proposing on him. Because he is not doing it she is getting impatient? Why can't she propose if she really loves him? Trust me that is a BIG issue with alot of guys. Being expected to make the first move everytime is beginning to appear as unfair to more and more men as time passes. He may also want to take care of his own business (graduating college) before making any promises to other people. My guess is that he just isn't ready to committ to her. Given the circumstances, most people wouldn't be.
2007-03-15 09:42:39 · answer #2 · answered by Vince R 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It could be that he's waiting to get his personal life (beyond your sister-in-law) sorted out before he takes a big step like getting married. They've been dating just under a year? Have your sister-in-law talk to him about where he wants to be in life before he gets married, so if that's the case she can be on the same page. She can also point out that she'd be willing to help support him while he gets ready to pull his own weight financially. Also she should remember that if she's going to be with him long-term, another year or two, while it feels like a long time when you're looking ahead at it, really isn't the end of the world.
Maybe they'd be ok with a long engagement, and get engaged now with plans to marry after he's earning his own, more significant, income?
2007-03-15 09:42:17 · answer #3 · answered by Megs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think he probably would at least like out be out of college before he gets married. Most men like to be stable before they make a commitment . Plus they haven't been dating that long and why jump into a marriage before you know the person. They have talked about marriage that is a good sign; however if she keeps on being impatient she could run him off, if he is aware of this. Don't push the guy if he loves her he will ask. I don't know or would want to know a man that want to make less and be in college and get married they don't like not being ahead in the income side. Not normally unless they want to be a househusband.
2007-03-15 09:45:20 · answer #4 · answered by rainingonme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I was in his shoes, yes I would be hesitant even if I wanted to get married. I was at a point one time when I felt inadequate, in school, and sleeping on a sofa bed in my parents home. "She just graduated" and "he's still in school" are 2 very good reasons for waiting till it's right to enter into a marriage. He needs and wants to overcome his inadequacy so that he can be a good husband.
2007-03-15 09:56:05 · answer #5 · answered by element_op 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun, that is not reason.
The REAL reaosn is that they JUST met! They have been dating for all of 9 months! That is just not enough time to meet someone and make an educated, resposible, mature decision.
2 to 3 years is a reasonable amount of time to make your mind. Certainly, not 9 months! Being desperate and impatient so early in the game is goiong to spook him away. Trust me.
Good luck
2007-03-15 09:46:57 · answer #6 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The prevailing mindset is that to "qualify" for marriage, a man should first be able to "provide for" his wife and presumably, someday, family. This mindset is generally shared by both sexes, so, yes, your sister's boyfriend may not think himself ready.
Does your sister care about who makes more $? If not, then saying so (without pressuring the guy) might help.
Also, they having been seeing each other terribly long -- your sister should not be so impatient.
2007-03-15 09:41:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's definitely postponing due to where he is at. Guys are trained since they were little that they need to be the breadwinner and the money maker and stable support. He probably feels that she doesn't find him adequate in this area. Have they talked about it? Maybe he would be more commital if he knew she didn't care. But let them work it out it's their own deal.
2007-03-15 09:38:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wouldn't your sister in law be married to your brother?
That would make sense then LOL!! Sometimes I am slow, its a pregnant thing.
Anyway, I agree with what a lot of people are saying that he probably wants to be financially stable before marrying her. Men typically like to be able to provide for their significant other. W hether or not she can provide for herself doesn't necessarily matter to them He also probably doesn't want to rely on her. There are a lot of negative stigmatisms associated with woman supporting men. Other than that, I would just tell her to be patient. Truly they haven't been together that long, not even a year.
As for being with a man like that, why not? He is going to school so he can make something of himself and he is working. He doesn't make a lot of money so he probably has to live at home. At least he is not asking her to take care of him, he is trying to do this on his own. It may not be to everyones standards, but he is trying. Sounds like an okay guy to me.
2007-03-15 09:36:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'd hesitate too! I'd want to get my life in order before I make a huge commitment like that. Do you want to be married and going to school full time with a crappy job? No. I wouldn't. I'm not a guy, but if I were him I'd wait too.
2007-03-15 09:37:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋