should i stay home and take care of baby?

Question

My husband and I have a 7 week old baby and he wants me to stay home and take care of the baby. That wouldn't be so bad as I would love to witness every moment of his first year, but I don't know if I can be that person. I feel weird even spending his money, even if its a bill! I don't buy ANYTHING for me anymore because of it.......any advice?

To the gentleman who suggested I have postpartum depression....NO WAY!!! :) I have never been so happy in my life! I just feel that I should contribute to the finances!

Answer 1

You may want to see your doctor and tell him how you feel. You actually sound OK but I'm a little worried that your flipping the topic from the baby to money is a sign of Postpartum depression. You are a new mother and your feelings may be mixed up.
My wife went through this and I didn't handle it very well. I tried to be purely rational about it and that was the wrong thing to do. Take your husband with you if you go so that he understands what is going on. I basically ended up becoming the primary caregiver to my son because of it. I got to enjoy the best of my sons infancy but I know my wife suffered and I was not much help to her. I could have done a better job and I'm sorry that you feel so unsure. Good luck.

Answer 2

Only you can know what's right for the family. I applaud you for wanting to retain your financial independence and contribute financially.

Discuss this with your husband openly. With the money you'll save on child care, it is kind of like contributing financially. There's no shame in sharing finances while you're caring for the baby. If you're a team, I'd say you've pulled your weight by carrying a baby for 9 mo and going thru childbirth. I think if you do decide to stay home, doing stuff for yourself will help the transition. Maintain friendships, do volunteer work, or something.

Answer 3

If your husband wants you to stay home and take care of your baby, then I would certainly do that. Don't feel bad about being supported by him, as you are the Mother of his child, and he should support you. In staying home, you probably won't need the clothes or extras you needed when you worked, so that is no problem, and you will always think of your baby first, so don't worry about it. You can buy things for yourself if you need them. Stay home, enjoy all the milestones the baby will have especially in the first year, and then maybe you can go back to work if you have good child care. Take one step at a time.

Answer 4

Do it! You will never get this time back. I am in the process of leaving my job so I can stay home with my one year old. But not after coming to the daycare at lunch ( i go to the daycare at lunch everyday) to be told that she took her first steps while I was in a meeting.

Come up with a budget where you get $XX.XX (whatever you can afford) to spend on both you and the baby. Pull that money out of the ATM and keep it as cash in your wallet. Then do little things for both you and the baby and you will be more comfortable with it in no time - especially if you have a supportive husband and it sounds like you do. Good luck this will be one of the toughest decisions of your life but it is your decision and you need to do what is best for your baby first and you second.

Answer 5

I've been a stay at home mom for 6 years, I feel very guilty about not contributing financially to our family. When ever I bring it up to my husband he says " It's our money not his and there is no one who could take better care of our children than I could". He also says on the days that he is home that no one could pay him enough to do what I do. I have also read that being a stay at home mom is equal to working two full time and one part time job. Stay home with your baby, it's the single most important thing you will ever do in your life.

Answer 6

If you can afford to stay home with your child for a while, then jump at the chance, your child will benefit from it and so will you. You should be thankful that you have the opportunity to stay home with him for a while, so many many women don't get this chance and have to return to work in order to help pay bills. If you and he are married then why feel funny spending your money, yep I said your money. It is really yours also, even if you didn't earn it outside of the home, I don't want to seem rude, but you contradict yourself, you say, you would love to witness every moment of his first year but don't know if you can be that person, excuse me, but what exactly is "that person", you are a mother now and that is the best feeling in this world. Stay home while you can and watch your child grow, because believe me, if you don't, one day you will really want to do it and find you can't and this you will regret. Enjoy being a stay at home mom, this doesn't diminish your intelligence in any way at all, I would respect you for it and so would many other people, in fact envy you for it. When my children were small, I stayed at home with them and boy time flies and suddenly I had to return to the working world and it hurt, but I had no choice, so do it while you can.

Answer 7

You are a strong independent woman, so of course it's difficult for you, but in a marriage whatever is his is yours and vice versa. It just seems so much easier if you two combine your incomes and live that way. If your husband has the means to take care of you and the baby financially and you don't "have" to work, you are very blessed. I would definitely stay home, and maybe after the baby got a little older maybe get back into the money making business as well.

Answer 8

It's not cool for him to expect you to take care of the kid because you are the woman. If you don't have a job then it would be appropriate but don't just do it because you are the woman. You should talk about it and decide how you will handle it. It would be acceptable for both of you to find a way to do it together. You shouldn't sacrafice your career for him. If you do become a stay at home mom, make sure that when he gets home from work he helps you out. Alot of people think that just because their man or woman doesn't have a job that they should be fully in charge of the house. NO. taking care of the house is a 24/7 job and when he is home he should help you.

Answer 9

Well, once you become husband and wife, there really isn't a 'yours' and 'his.' It's a combined life you signed up for, not a room-mate. If you can afford it, then yeah, stay home and watch the little one grow. If he asked you to stay home, I'd think he's confident in the idea.

But, if you're really uneasy about spending 'his' money, then do something from home that isn't too time-consuming, like selling Avon or Mary Kay or some other legitamate home-based business, as long as you have the resources. That can help with any light money-crunch, and let you feel like you have your own money.

Answer 10

I agree with your husband, stay at home, your baby needs you to take care of him/her. Evidently you do not know how valuable a mother's time and work is because you seem to even feel not worthy of your husband's money. You are married now, his money becomes community property. In other words, his money is also your money. If your husband is stingy with his money then this is one thing you two will have to talk about and come to some kind of compromise. When you decided to have a baby, you took on the responsibility that comes with having one.